If he was so nice why did he let her keep using? She kept the thought to herself. Those guys were in Faith’s past. Grace simply had to make certain they didn’t make another appearance.
“Of course, I fucked it up,” Faith continued when Grace didn’t speak. “He didn’t know about the drugs and when he found out…...”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“It wasn’t bad. He tried to help me, but I wasn’t ready. I didn’t even say goodbye. I just called an old friend.” Faith swallowed hard and clamped a hand over her mouth. A moment later, she was back over the toilet.
Grace rubbed her back while she vomited. There was no point to dredging this all up not while her body was under this much stress. “Maybe we should see a doctor. They might have some advice on how long it will take to, um, clean out your system.”
“Doctor seems like a good idea.” Faith didn’t release her hold around the bowl. “But I know how long it’s going to take. About seven more months.”
“Seven?” Grace repeated in disbelief. “I don’t think it will take that long.”
“Grace,” Faith said her name softly, and realization dawned on her in slow, agonizing horror.
Somehow pregnant seemed an even dirtier word than addict.
“Don’t worry. I’ve been considering my options. I think I should keep it,” she started to ramble. Her words tumbled out as swiftly as the questions in Grace’s mind.
“Who’s the father?” Grace blurted out.
Faith snorted as if this was somehow a ridiculous question. “I have no idea and believe me, that’s probably a good thing. This kid is never going to be part of that world. Cross my heart.”
Grace sucked back the rest of the questions she wanted to ask. Faith was right. It didn’t matter how this happened or how they were going to make this work. This kid wasn’t going to be part of that world. This baby was going to be their salvation.
Chapter 16
On Sundays we eat Chinese.
It became a thing before I realized it was happening. Jude arrives with Lucky Dragon bags for the four of us, and we sit like one big happy family.
“Maybe I should say something.” I grab a stack of plates from the cupboard and pass them to Amie.
"He feeds you, don't over-analyze it. It's not part of a conspiracy." She grabs the plates and disappears into the living room.
It feels like a conspiracy, though. Maybe because it's becoming impossible to resist the pull of him. Jude is becoming a constant. Days without him are out of the norm. Somehow we're sitting down to family dinners. He snuck into my heart, and now he's making himself at home.
When I round the corner of the living room, I find him opening cartons. He looks up, and his mouth splits into a wide smile. My heart lurches. I want to be his home.
We eat Moo Shu Pork and eggrolls, passing cartons to one another as Amie cracks jokes. She sits on the floor next to Max while Jude and I occupy the sofa.
"We have a dining table." I point toward it with my chopsticks.
"Chinese food, pizza, these are not formal foods." Jude spears a chunk of sesame chicken and holds it to my lips. I narrow my eyes as I accept the bite.
"I'm raising a child, remember? He already leaves crumbs everywhere."
"He knows Sundays are special," Amie reassures me, leaning over to kiss Max's head. My heart is full despite my earlier misgivings. Being here with the three of them only sends more love racing to it, until I feel swollen with the joy of affection. Jude leans over and whispers in my ear, "Thank you." I turn to face him, and the look in his cornflower blue eyes sears the fullness of this moment in my memory.
Jude returns his attention to the feast, but I fade into the background. Time slows as I commit tiny details to memory, Amie's sweeping laugh sparkling in her gray eyes, Max fumbling with a pair of chopsticks, the warmth of the man next to me, his body, his smile, his soul. I don't deserve any of them, but I'm never letting them go.
"Like this." Jude leans across the coffee table and brings me back to the present. He adjusts Max's grip on the chopsticks, but they immediately splay out of his control.
"Hold on, little man." Jude grabs my wrist and tugs the hair tie off of it. His thumbs linger for a split second, as if he just needs to touch me. It's an innocent gesture that Max doesn't pick up on, but Amie waggles her eyebrows across from me. One of us is definitely in love with the idea of Jude Mercer.
He wraps the band around the top of the chopstick, then he folds up the wax bag from the eggrolls and wedges it towards the top.
"Spring-loaded," he announces, as he shows Max his invention.
Max lights up, but it's not the chopsticks making him glow. If Jude leaves tomorrow, this little boy will never be the same. None of us will.
I push the thought from my mind and focus on this moment. Max only spills half the carton of rice on the floor with his new chopsticks.
"Are we drawing straws for who is cleaning this up?" I point to the rice littering the carpet.