“Get out,” she whispered. Then her voice rose into a screech. “I told you before not to bother me. I never want to see you again. Get out!”
“What if there was another way?” I asked, sitting opposite her against the back wall. Her eyes narrowed. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for what I had to do. Somewhere, Loki would be watching me. I held the little vial up to the light filtering in from above. It glowed with the same neon intensity as Loki’s eyes. “What if you could make a swap and find a mate and be as fertile as any of us? What would you give for that?”
Vigdis leaned forward, studying the bottle in my hands.
“I had a visit.” I pressed on, now that I had her interest, turning the vial over like a timeglass. She watched the liquid run down the glass sides with rapt attention. “The god of lies.”
Vigdis scowled and scooted away from me. “You’re the one who’s lying,” she spat out. “The only liar here is you. What would a god want with you? With any of us?”
“Loki’s been watching me.”
“And what do you do that is any way interesting?” Her eyes glittered, and she hesitated and looked again at the contents of the bottle. “I’ve always wondered where you go… what you do… when the rest of us bask or stay to talk in the hall. Or did you cheat? Is this how you… how you did that at the ceremony?”
Her question caught me off guard and wasn’t something I wanted to answer. Even now, even after everything that had happened, some part of me didn’t want Vigdis to win. I didn’t want her to think she’d been right all along. But if I said no, then she might not agree to give me what I needed now. I swallowed my pride and forced myself to say, “Yes.”
Her eyes narrowed further, and then she pointed an accusing finger at me. “I knew it. I knew that with how you neglect yourself…”
I cut her off. “Do you want to hear the rest of what I have to say or not?”
She gave the tiniest of nods.
“I want to leave this place and make my fortune as far away from this glacier as I can. I’ve always wanted to leave and, until this year, I always thought that Havamal would go with me. That’s over, but… I met… a human. Someone I can see the world with.”
Vigdis gasped and her tears stopped. “The king will kill you.”
“He can’t know.”
“Humans are dangerous, Ersel. They’re vicious. They’re scavengers. We all know that!”
I grimaced. “She’s not like that—”
“She?” Vigdis snapped. “You’ve gotten to know her? Is she still here? Where are you hiding her? Oh, King Calder will take all your scales. He’ll scrape you down until there is nothing left. And you’ll deserve it. You’ve exposed us.”
I closed my eyes as hot fear coursed through me. I’d misjudged her, and now I would pay for it. “It’s not like that. She doesn’t know much.”
Vigdis’s sharp eyes traveled back to the bottle in my hands. Her hands massaged her abdomen and the empty womb beneath her scales. A small smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. I always thought Vigdis was stupid, but it dawned on me now that she had said those things to rebalance the situation. She was used to having the upper hand with me and she wanted her power back. “You say there is another way? What way?”
“A trade.”
“What could I have that the god of lies would want? I’m not even from Loki’s season.” She glanced around her cave and then laughed. “My pearls? My ice sculptures? Surely there are better out there, and Loki could just take them if it’s what they wanted.”
“Your voice.”
Vigdis’s body went rigid. She pressed a hand to her throat. Then, she asked sharply, “What kind of deal is that?”
I shrugged. “It’s what they offered. You know the legends. They can take whatever form they want, but they have to take voices from the willing ever since Odin sealed their true lips.”
It was a legend I knew well. Odin, the All-Father, had punished Loki by sewing their lips together with magically binding thread after they deceived a group of Odin’s closest commanders. When the trickster changed form, the threads were invisible and they could move their adopted mouths, but the lock on their true voice remained. Even though the god of lies had made many appeals to Odin, their crime was never forgiven. Odin did not change his mind. He never went back on his word. Forevermore, Loki would need to steal voices to accompany their many forms.
“They didn’t want to take yours? Is there something wrong with your voice?” Vigdis could barely contain her sneer. “Well, I guess one part of my body must be better then, even if it’s not the part I wish it was.”
I tried to swallow my revulsion. She actually considered her womb more important than her voice. I had guessed that before I decided to approach her, but still, having her confirm it made my stomach churn.
When I hesitated, tears leaked from her violet eyes. The water around us grew so warm, I empathized with the fish Ragna had cooked for her dinner. I felt sorry for Vigdis and guilty for what I was about to do to her. But maybe, this way, we’d both get some of what we wanted.
When I spoke again, my tone sounded harsh, even to me. The mixture of guilt, fear, and pity I felt made me lash out. I couldn’t go through with what Havamal wanted from me and this might be my only chance to escape. Being a prisoner here would kill me. “Swap it then. If it’s worth it to you. Swap your voice for a healthy womb and have the role you always wanted. I’m sure Loki will even toss in a mate for you, if that’s what you wish.”
Vigdis looked at the other side of her cave. Her expression warmed into softness. “Yes,” she said. “Yes.”
When I returned to my crevice, I had no choice but to sit and wait for Loki. What if Havamal came back before the god did? Would Loki intervene? I’d fulfilled my promise to them, and even the gods were bound by their oath. I repeated the trickster’s name again and again to no avail.
I supposed you couldn’t call a god and expect them to answer like a trained whale. But what if they didn’t come in time? What if I’d taken Vigdis’s voice, and there would be no mate for her and no escape for me? The vial containing her sacrifice glowed in my hands, dangling from a rope around my neck.
I’d decided to ask for legs. Then, like a seabird or a sand crab, I could choose the land or the sea for my home. I could go anywhere. I wanted to keep my gills and possibly some of my scales too. I liked Ragna’s form well enough, but since I wasn’t blessed with gods-given magical tattoos, my skin would look awfully plain if it were… just bare.
Something moved in the shadows and brushed my kelp curtain aside. My heart leapt into my mouth. I saw a flash of silver fin. No. He could not have returned already. Not now. Not after what I’d just done.