But I wanted to be happy.
I’d tried to do it the right way by choosing Josephine. She was the best woman at the time, and I’d managed to love her. But that love was never real, so neither was her loyalty. Didn’t it make sense to choose someone for deeper reasons than political gain? I never really knew my mother, but based on stories I heard about her, she would want me to be happy.
I think she’d want me to marry for love.
With the handkerchief, I pulled the artifacts out of the cabinet until I found the ring that had been passed down through every duchess until my mother received it. My father had given it to my mother, and she wore it every single day until she died. She probably would have been buried with it if the custom didn’t dictate it.
Now it was my turn to give it to someone.
I never gave it to Josephine because I intended to give it to her on our wedding day. I proposed with a slender band infused with rare diamonds as a placeholder. Now I was grateful for my decision in the past.
Because this belonged to London.
I dropped it in my pocket and returned everything to the safe before I locked it up again. I corrected the picture then left the room as the water still ran in the shower. Dunbar was downstairs at his post, so I walked up to him and handed the ring over. “Could you call Eleanor to come and clean this? I just want it to shine a bit more.”
He took it in his large hand, examining the diamond before he closed his fist around it. “Of course, sir. When do you need it by?”
“As soon as possible.”
18
London
Crewe went to lunch with a client in town, so I spent the afternoon alone. Even though I was with him every morning and every night, any missed opportunity to spend time with him felt like a waste. I liked having lunch with him in his office or on the terrace. Sometimes we didn’t have anything to talk about, but that was perfectly okay.
I changed into my active gear and walked downstairs to go for a run. I was restless and bored, and exercise was usually the only thing that could cure my jitters. Besides, sitting around all day was making me gain weight. I found myself eating less and less just to prevent that.
I got to the bottom of the stairs when Ariel appeared. “Hello, London.”
Yuck. That’s what I wanted to say. “Hey, Ariel. Is Crewe back?”
“No. He’ll be out for another hour, at least.” She held her folder to her chest and walked me to the office. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
I knew exactly what she wanted to discuss. It was only a matter of time before Ariel pounced. “Sure.”
We walked into his office, surrounded by the masculine power that existed even when he was absent. The brown and black tones echoed his personality perfectly. I was happy to see there wasn’t a bottle of scotch anywhere in sight. He was back to drinking a reasonable amount, the kind that wouldn’t give him cirrhosis of the liver.
I took a seat on one of the leather sofas and crossed my legs.
Ariel sat opposite of me and set her folder on the coffee table. She crossed her legs too, her calf muscle hard and defined below her dress.
I waited for her to execute me.
“I talked to Crewe.”
“You talk to him a lot. What’s that supposed to mean?”
She ignored my attitude. “He’s not interested in Anna.”
He’s not? I expected him to be attracted to her the way everyone else in the room was.
“Said he only wants to be with you.”
My eyes automatically wanted to soften and my lungs to suck in a delightful breath.
“I think if you weren’t corrupting his thoughts, he’d be able to think more clearly. Anna is perfect in more ways than one. Also, Crewe told me he’s going to propose to you.”
Now I couldn’t hide my reaction at all. My hand moved up my chest, and the tears welled in my eyes. I had asked him about marriage once before, but he never gave me a concrete answer. Instead of caring for Anna, he was only interested in being with me. It gave me the kind of high I’d never felt before. But the higher I soared, the further I crashed.
“So you need to leave now before he asks you.”
She couldn’t be serious. “Are you crazy? Crewe told you he wants to spend his life with me. You really can’t just be happy for him and keep your pettiness to yourself?”
She narrowed her eyes. “We made a deal, London.”
“I’m aware. But you really haven’t changed your mind?”
“No.”
Cold bitch. “If I leave, Crewe will be miserable.”
“He’ll get over it.”
“Didn’t seem like he got over it last time.”
“It’ll take time, but he’ll bounce back. He’s experienced far worse.”
This woman was seriously evil. “I’m not sure if I can do it…”
“If you do, I walk. That’s our arrangement.”
Now I was back to square one. I had to do the right thing for Crewe or the right thing for myself. What would it be? “He’ll be devastated if he loses either one of us.”
“I’ve known him for ten years. I’m family to him. You’re a woman he’ll forget in six months.”
I couldn’t believe how terrible she was. It was unbelievable.
“London, we made a deal. You can’t back out now. I don’t respect you, but I thought you were someone who kept her word.”
“I do keep my word…”
“Then you know what you need to do, and you need to do it soon.”
I refused to cry in front of Ariel. I refused to appear weak. But in that moment, I wanted to sob on his couch until my chest couldn’t heave anymore. I wanted to drown in my own sorrow and never recover. The warm tears burned behind my eyes, but I never let them streak down my face.
Ariel must have sensed my depression because she silently excused herself from the room. “I know you’ll do the right thing, London. If you really love him, you’ll let him go. We both know you don’t deserve him.”
Thankfully, Crewe went straight back to work when he came home, so I had a few hours to collect myself. I argued with myself continuously, wondering if I should keep or break my promise to Ariel. I loved him so much that I was willing to let Ariel walk away. But when I remembered how upset Crewe was the first time she left, I reconsidered.
And I was the reason he had a scar on his chest.
I was the reason he lost his men.
I was the reason Ariel had almost been taken.
After the way things turned out, I knew I didn’t deserve him. I had nothing to offer besides my love. Apparently, Crewe thought that was enough. But after a few years, the resentment would begin to sink in.
Letting him go was my only option.
I hated the idea of returning to America and starting over—for the second time. I hated picturing my wedding to a faceless man in a suit. I hated imagining my children, who looked nothing like Crewe.
But I had to do it.