He chuckled. “Yeah, I suppose it does.” He dropped his hands from my waist then grabbed a bar of soap. He wiped himself down and washed his dick. He was semihard, probably because he just squeezed my ass with his palms.
I squirted the shampoo into my hands and massaged it into my scalp. “Did you have a bad phone call?”
He stilled at the question, the bar of soap pressed to his chest. It took him a second to recover before he continued scrubbing himself. “Why do you ask?”
“As soon as you walked into the room, you were in a different mood.”
“I wanted to fuck you in the ass before lunchtime.”
“That’s not what I meant. As soon as we were finished, you were different. Like something is on your mind…” I knew better than to outright ask him what I wanted to know. He didn’t share his secrets with me, and if I pushed him, he would only push back harder. If I ever wanted something from him, I had to manipulate him.
He looked down at me with a stern expression, clearly having no intention of answering me.
I shouldn’t be surprised. I tilted my head under the water and rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. I’d already showered that day and I didn’t need to wash my hair again, but I needed an excuse to stay under the water. I wanted this conversation to keep going, to continue bringing us closer together. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. But just remember, I’m your closest confidant in the world. There’s no one I can share your secrets with. I’m always here for you if you need someone.”
“Why would you be there for me when I haven’t been there for you?” He stepped closer to me until his head was under the water again.
If I were too nice to him, he would know I was full of shit. Crewe wasn’t stupid. In fact, he was calculating, cruel, and a genius. Everything he touched turned to gold. He had wealth, power, and supernatural intelligence. A man like that wouldn’t have his position unless he was doing something right.
“You have been there for me.”
“In what way?” he asked. “You just pointed out that I kidnapped you, drugged you and stole you from your warm bed.” His mocha colored eyes had a darker appearance now that his mood had been tested.
“You didn’t sell me to Bones.” It was the most compassionate decision he ever made, to go back on his word to spare me the unbearable pain of slavery. He called me his slave now, but I didn’t honestly feel like one. I always had the power to say no, something I truly valued. I always had a voice, an opinion. I got to eat when I was hungry. I got to sleep when I was tired. I knew Vanessa had it much differently than I did.
“That was for my own selfish reasons.” His voice was colder than a winter morning.
“That’s what you say, but I don’t believe you.” I think pity found its way into his heart and changed his mind. But he would never admit it, needing to keep up this cruel fa?ade. “I’m scared of flying, and you always comfort me. When I have a nightmare, you help me get through it. When Dunbar hurt me, you protected me. You have to stick to your word by keeping me, but you certainly don’t want to cause me pain. I think you’re capable of being a good man, but you’re doing everything in your power to prevent that from happening.”
The water streamed down his face, and he didn’t blink as he stared at me. Like a stone wall, he was impossible to decipher. He kept his thoughts hidden from me, adopting his stance of royalty and his countenance of mystery.
He set the bar of soap on the shelf then walked away. He silently dismissed the conversation, ending it right when we were in the middle of it. His usual flirtatious attitude disappeared the second lunch was over, and now the dark and tormented man remained behind. He grabbed a towel on his way and quickly wrapped it around his waist as he walked out, his large feet leaving a trail of footprints across the tile.
My objective was to get him closer to me, but I was certain I only pushed him further away. Sometimes it seemed like we were moving in a positive direction, but then we hit a wall and had to take steps backward. Perhaps Crewe had a heart that was incapable of love.
Or maybe he didn’t have a heart at all.
He was gone for the rest of the evening, long after I finished dinner and got ready for bed. He usually returned to the bedroom after work or after dinner, but he was nowhere in sight. It was nearly midnight, which was the latest he’d ever been out.
I hoped he wasn’t with someone else.
If he ran off to another woman, everything I’d done was for nothing. He was supposed to come to me for comfort, not one of his whores. When a painful throb started in my chest, I did my best to ignore it. I wasn’t jealous. I simply felt defeated that I was nowhere closer to getting out of here.
That I would probably die here.
After midnight, he finally walked inside. I was in bed, so I continued to lie there in the dark, unsure if I wanted him to know I was awake.
He dropped his jacket on the ground, kicked his shoes off, and then stripped off everything else until there were small piles all over the hardwood floor. He usually took the time to place his laundry in the hamper or hang it up for the maids to be dry cleaned.
But he obviously didn’t give a damn tonight.
I always wondered where he kept that transmitter that was linked to my brother’s skull. I never saw it on him or noticed the outline in his pocket. He might keep it hidden away somewhere so I couldn’t intercept it.
So he obviously didn’t trust me.
He would be stupid to do so.
He washed his face and brushed his teeth in the bathroom before he came to bed and slid under the clean sheets. He always slept in the nude, so I assumed that was no different now. He stuck to his side of the massive king bed. We never cuddled while we slept. The only time he’d ever held me was when I had that nightmare a few weeks ago. While he held me and kissed me, that affection was purely sexual. He never offered me anything more tender, except the occasional kiss on the temple that was so rare I couldn’t even recall the last time he did it.
I didn’t want this distance between us. It reminded me of a husband and wife in a loveless marriage that was falling apart. He was out with other women while I slept alone. The only way to fill this void was to crawl on top of him and ride his dick.
I was nearly repulsed by the idea.
If he had been with someone else, he’d just kissed her. His hands had roamed over her naked body as he explored her curves. His cock had just been inside her, hopefully sheathed in a condom, but even if it was, it disgusted me.
I didn’t want to be his sloppy seconds.
But I had no other choice. He had to see me as the woman he adored, the woman he couldn’t get enough of. Most days, I did feel that way. But right now, I felt like a stranger. I felt like I wasn’t even in that bed with him.
I swallowed my pride and tried not to think about what he was doing tonight. I tried not to picture the woman he was with, a woman far more beautiful than I was. I focused on my little apartment in New York City. It was a hole in the wall with busted appliances and noisy neighbors, but it was home.