“In a way.”
“You’re always rushing somewhere, Knut. And always so secretively. Here we are … having to meet in such an out-of-the-way place when the café at the hotel would have been fine. Not that I mind. I’m happy to see you under any setting. But you are very wary, if you do not mind me saying it.”
“Wary?”
She lowered her voice. “Of Germans, it appears. The way you rushed away last time from the hotel and declined to have dinner. The way you shied away on the dock when we left the ferry. How we are meeting now. There is a part of me that doubts very much you are even an engineer, if you don’t mind me saying it.”
“Then why do you even meet me,” he asked, “if you believe I am not being truthful with you?”
She looked at him a while. He was sure his feelings were transparent, that she could see right through him. “And why do you keep waiting in the shadows to see me?” she answered with a question of her own. “Do you think I don’t notice?”
He didn’t reply.
She smiled. “Perhaps it’s that in spite of your actions you have trusting eyes.”
“I do, do I?” He laughed. “Someone else once told me that.”
“I suppose all that intrigue to avoid attention has made me curious about you. You’ve managed to pique a lot of interest from one ill-advised hat.”
Inside, he was filled with desire for her. It was only a spark of something, something that might grow, that if the situation were only different might easily turn into something, something he wanted, but now was fated to yield only longing and sadness.
She reached across and took his hand. His knuckles were rough. “You do not have the hands of someone who spends his day with pencils and rulers.”
“I’m a structural engineer,” he said. “I’m generally in the field.”
“The field…” She raised an eye to him, doubtful. “Ah, that explains it. But sadly I have unpleasant news for you also. My grandfather and I, we have to leave abruptly as well. My aunt has taken ill. My grandfather’s sister. It came up only this morning. We’ve actually had to cancel the concert tomorrow night. A plane has been arranged. From Oslo. For tomorrow afternoon.”
“Tomorrow…?” Nordstrum said, eyes wide. The route to Oslo was clear.
“Yes.” She let his hand go. “We are taking the first ferry back in the morning.”
The words hit him like a brick hurled through the pane of glass that was his heart, shattering. “The Hydro…?”
“Yes, I think that is the one. The German cultural legation has handled all the details. Are you all right? You’ve lost color.”
“I’m fine,” he lied, though inside, dread and indecision took hold of him, as cold as a slab of ice. “Your aunt,” he said, doing his best to regain his composure, “I hope she will be all right. But there are faster ways to get to Oslo if you are in a hurry. The ferry is actually indirect and sometimes unreliable. I’m afraid you’ve only seen it at its very best. Perhaps I could arrange something privately. Some other means of transit?”
“Thank you, Knut, but it has already been arranged. We would have left today if they could have located a plane for us this afternoon. I’m afraid it would be impossible to change it now.”
“Yes, of course,” he said, his heart racing inside like a timer on the fastest setting. He asked, “You’re sure that it’s the Hydro…?” Knowing of course it was the Hydro. He knew better than anyone it was the only ferry leaving tomorrow. At 10 A.M. A throbbing beat at his chest. He knew, if he pulled off what he was set to do, what he was committed to do and must follow through on, the boat would never make it to the other shore. It would sink. There would be many casualties. Her grandfather was an elderly man. He could easily be one of them. Likely. And he could see, as he looked at her, her sweetness and devotion, how she would never abandon him. Even at the risk of her own life.
It was suddenly clear to him he had put in jeopardy the one thing in this war he felt the chance to love.
“You mustn’t go.” He took her hand again. This time squeezing it purposefully.
“We have to, Knut,” she said, allowing him to keep hold of it. “My grandfather and his sister are very close. Besides, if you are leaving tonight as you say, what is the difference? By tomorrow, we will both be gone.”
“Yes. Of course, you’re right.”
Under his collar, a sweat broke out on his neck. Inside, he was riddled with fear. A fear he had not felt even the many times when his own life had been on the line. He knew, as surely as he knew anything, he could not divulge his plans. Even if he fully trusted her, her grandfather was an Austrian, and a guest of the German Army. Who knew where his loyalties lay? In a million years he could never tell her what was ahead. Or worse, abandon it. His orders came direct from London. Destroying that cargo was one of the most crucial missions of the war. There was no way back, not now. The stakes of altering anything were too high. Einar, the Yank, they would never allow it anyway.
“I’m sorry,” she said, placing her hand over his. “You seem sad.”
“It’s just it’s likely I will never see you again.”
“I know. I feel the same. But this war will not last forever.”
“Who knows how long the war will last. Or who will win.”
“And what you are feeling—I can see it in your eyes, Knut—I feel it too. Here, I want you to have this.…” She dug into her purse and handed him her card. Fraulein N. Ritter. Konigstrasse 17. Vienna. Fancy, raised lettering. He took the card and stared at her name, not knowing what to do. “When it is over, there is always a way to contact me. You never know, Knut. In a world that is upside-down like ours, anything is possible.”
“You are right.” He looked at the card and forced a smile. “Anything is possible.”
He wanted desperately to tell her. Just blurt it out: You cannot go. This ship is not safe. But he could not. Instead he just tightly squeezed her hand. There were thousands of lives on the line. Not just theirs. Tears bit at his eyes. “Promise me something then.”
“What?”
“That you’ll sit in the stern.”
“The stern…?”
“The view is the best there. I’ve ridden it many times. You’ll be pleased, Natalie.”
“All right.” She nodded agreeably. “The stern.”
“You and your grandfather.”
“Yes, both of us. I promise.” She looked closely at him, as if she was sensing what was inside him. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, fine.” He nodded. He checked his watch. It was going on four. Einar was to meet them at Diseth’s shop. They still had to pick up their car. “I’m afraid I have to leave now.”
“So soon, again?” Disappointment crossed her face. “You are always running off somewhere.”
A torrent of doubt knotted in his gut, a wave of feelings he was helpless to control. It was foolish, he knew, but he was prepared to take the risk. He had to.
“Natalie, there’s something I have to tell you.”