His fork clattered against his plate, and he looked up at me with unfamiliar eyes. Cold, unforgiving. Similar to when he’d chewed me out this morning. “You think I like keeping everything inside? Try having your life splattered over the front page of every tabloid.” He shook his head, defeat flashing in his gaze. “People break trust, Lainey. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s easier just keeping everyone else out. Living by my rules has gotten me this far, and I don’t plan to change that anytime soon.”
I sucked in my cheeks and swallowed past the tightness in my throat. Okay. This was not the way to go about getting to know Brogan better. If anything, he’d shut down even more. I should have let it go. I should have steered the conversation to something pleasant, something that didn’t involve opening up whatsoever. But I couldn’t. I deserved better than that. Hell, I liked Brogan. Really liked him. But what was the use of being with someone who would never let me in?
I frowned at him. “If we’re getting into technicalities, you’re doing a shitty job following your own rules when it comes to me.”
His jaw ticked and he blinked hard. “You’re right.” He shoved a hand through his hair and let out a loud sigh. “I’ve lost my damn mind when it’s come to you. This whole thing is insane.”
“I mean, it’s not that insane,” I muttered. Unexpected, yes. But crazier matches have happened. Like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
“No, it really is. I made these rules for a reason. Why would I break them? They’ve kept this company functioning.”
He stared at his plate, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he finally looked at me, a completely different person sat across the table. Someone who I could imagine fighting tooth and nail to get to where he was today. Someone cold. “My judgment is clouded. Obviously I haven’t been thinking clearly for weeks.” His voice took on an eerily calm quality. “If I hadn’t been so unfocused, we might have prevented the hacking problem.”
Low blow.
The jab at my work performance cut deeper than I expected, and my pulse jackhammered against my skull, an unease building in my chest. “I thought we weren’t bringing up the office at home.”
“You’re right. But maybe I was too hasty in my decision to invite you here in the first place. It was simpler before I met you.” The muscle in his jaw ticked, and he stared down at his plate.
Simpler? Why not just punch me in the face? There’d be less sting with a bloody nose.
I put my napkin on the table and crossed my arms over my chest, no longer hungry. “I don’t know who hurt you in the past to make you this way, but I’m not some jerk looking for an edge on you. I’m interested in you as a person, Brogan, and I can’t be in a relationship with you if you can’t give a little.”
His cold gaze sent a shiver through me. “I can’t.” Only two words. Two words that spoke volumes more than anything else he’d said tonight. They said “done,” and, “you shall not pass.”
My cheeks heated, and my eyes stung as I fought away unexpected tears. The tiny bit of hope that I’d clung on to deflated faster than a popped balloon. How did I go from an open invitation to stay at Brogan’s house, and laughing about vegan cheese, to ruining the mood in two seconds flat? There must be some Guinness World Record for this. If not, I was phoning it in tomorrow.
Lainey Taylor: Fastest person to ruin a good time. 1.2 milliseconds.
“I need some time to clear my head. We need to have a little space.” He pointed between us. “I think that it’d be best if you relinquish Bruce walking duties back to Jackson for a while.”
I sucked in a shaky breath and cut my gaze to the dog, who was belly up, snoring on his pillow. “Okay.” That news alone should have made my night. Bruce was nothing but a pesky, slobbery dog who ruined my clothes. And also had the cutest button nose, and did an awesome impression of a pig when he was happy. But what did this “space” and “time to clear his head” thing mean? I thought we were making a breakthrough, that I was really getting to know him, and yet I ended up pushing him away. My appetite suddenly vanished, the mac and cheese rolling around, threatening to make a repeat appearance.
There had to be a positive spin on this, right? Without dog walking duties, it freed up my evenings to…sit at home and watch TV and mope. Oh, man, I was worse off than I thought. My mom had been right. Work had taken over my life. I was wasting my early twenties in an office rather than indulging in bad choices. Yep, this totally sucked.
He blotted his face with his napkin and threw it down on the table. His chair groaned against the tile as he stood and adjusted his tie. “I need to get back to the office.”
“Right.” His schedule for the night was clear. I’d made sure of it before I left, because if tonight had gone well, I was planning on taking him up on his cookie-making offer.
Well, whatever I thought was obviously a moot point as of thirty seconds ago. “I should probably walk Bruce anyway. I’ll have him back in a little bit and then head home.”
He stared at me, his expression unreadable.
I always picked the most opportune times to babble. He’d made it clear the position we were in. Boss. Employee. Benefits currently terminated. Because even if he did want to start something, I couldn’t do it, good cooking or not.