And the best is what we get.
It’s shorter and sweeter than any time we’ve ever spent in a courtroom. It feels like a dream. The crowd is full of smiles instead of hostile stares. A new judge declares Daddy cleared of all charges and offers the apologies of the court and the State of Texas. After my father shakes a few hands and starts to head our direction, strangers with microphones stop him to ask questions like, “How does it feel to finally be going home?” Daddy is all charm in his suit and tie. I don’t remember ever seeing him in a suit and tie, except in pictures from before. His old suit hangs loose on him now, but anything is a massive improvement over the prison jumpsuit.
Maybe they’d give us one to burn.
Daddy kisses Mama and me on our foreheads and hugs us tight. He walks with one arm around each of us as we head out of the courtroom. I’m blindingly happy and at the same time so confused. My mind keeps getting stuck on things we’ve never ever had to worry about before. Is he hungry? Should we stop and get him food? Is there any restaurant he likes in particular? I’ve spent time with my father every week, and we’ve never discussed this. I’m thrilled to see Daddy outside of Polunsky, but at the same time I feel like I know so little about this man before me.
We walk out into a hot, sunny day and Daddy stops, drops his hands from our shoulders, and turns his face up to the sky.
As we stand and watch him, Mama shoots me a nervous smile.
It’s such a whirlwind, I feel like my brain may never stop spinning in the wake of it. We sit awkwardly in the car on the way home. Mama drives because Daddy needs to renew his license. I’m in the back. I don’t remember the last time I sat in the backseat. I can’t find one of the seat belts and once I do, it’s stiff and uncomfortable.
“We need to stay here for a few weeks while things get finalized, but then we could go anywhere we want. We can make a fresh start.” He watches us both with a hopeful expression.
Mama looks like she’s considering it, but her tight smile isn’t hard to make out even from the backseat.
“Mama just got a new job…,” I start.
Mama says at the same time, “Riley seems like she’s finally settling in here a bit.”
Daddy frowns for an instant before he shrugs. “We can wait a bit then. I need to fill out the compensation paperwork anyway.”
“What’s that?” I lean forward a bit to hear him better.
“Since I was wrongly convicted, the state will pay money to make up for what I’ve lost.”
I’m shocked that the state of Texas feels like they can possibly put a monetary value to something like twelve years of a man’s life. “How much do they think ripping you away from your family for twelve years is worth?”
“Almost one million dollars.” Daddy glances back at me and shrugs at the stunned look on my face. It’s like he’s been through too much to hold on to his anger.
But I’m still angry. It’s cost me so much, too, and the great state of Texas won’t be paying me a dime. I shake my head and fall back against the seat. Crossing my arms over my chest, I mutter, “There isn’t enough money in all of Texas.”
Daddy turns around and catches my eye. “No, but it’s a start.”
Mama clears her throat twice before jumping in with the next topic. “I think you need to understand, David, things can’t immediately go back to the way they were before.”
She told me on the way to the courthouse that she’d be saying all of this and asked me how I felt about it. I’d only hugged her and told her I was proud of her.
So while she talks, I focus in on Daddy, trying to gauge his response.
His face is suddenly guarded. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you’re welcome to come home with us—”
He sputters, “I—I’m welcome to come home to my family?”
“You need to understand. We may know you from across a table for an hour or two a week, but in our own home, you’re a stranger to us now.” Mama’s words come fast like she’s afraid if she slows down they won’t all make it out.
He’s not saying anything anymore, but his expression has an odd kind of blankness to it.
“You can’t expect everything to be the same. We’ve changed. Riley is so grown up now.” She smiles back at me, before her jaw becomes firm when she looks at the road in front of her again. She looks decided as she finishes. “We’re all different and we need the chance to get to know each other again. You can sleep in our guest bedroom for now.”