Regardless of the many reasons I told myself why I should admit the truth to Cash, I couldn’t find the strength to actually speak the words. And anytime he would call, I’d answer, unable to ignore him. The only explanation I could come up with was that he allowed me to pretend for however long I had him on the phone. He didn’t have details about my family, about Aria or her father. He didn’t have a clue about my struggles and the hardships I’d endured day in and day out. With him, I was just Jade. I was a young, single, carefree woman looking to pack her bags and move across the state, swapping out one beach for another. And a part of me wasn’t ready to give that up, knowing it would end the second my secrets passed my lips.
So for two weeks, we talked either through text or calls—the calls only came at night, unless it was on a weekend, but he traveled a lot for work, so I chalked it up to him simply being busy with his job. A job I still knew nothing about. Anytime I would ask, he’d give me a bunch of garble, using fancy tech terms that went right over my head, until I finally stopped asking. Then, one day, he suggested a video chat, which wouldn’t have been a big deal if I didn’t have a kid with me all the time who referred to me as Mommy. And taking the risk of calling while she was napping wasn’t something I was comfortable with. I never knew how long she’d stay asleep. It left me without many options.
Desperate to get it over with so he wouldn’t think I’d lied about everything and was unwilling to show him my face, I’d asked Stevie to sit with her while I ran out to look for a job. I took her computer with me and headed down to a local coffee shop a few miles away. I hated lying to my best friend, but after I asked, she jumped at the chance to spoil her favorite nugget.
I followed the instructions he’d given me, having never used Skype before, and waited while the picture on the screen connected. My heart hammered in my chest, threatening to give out as each second stretched on. I wasn’t sure how possible it would be to recognize a serial killer, but I had hoped there’d be some mark to get my attention. A sign or flashing arrow would be too much to ask for, but just a simple stamp on his forehead to alert me of danger would’ve sufficed.
But that’s not at all what I got.
As soon as the picture switched from the call screen to his face, I quit breathing altogether. He hadn’t lied when he’d described himself a couple of weeks ago on the phone. His features were exactly what he said they were—onyx eyes, cropped, dark hair. However, what he’d left out was his square, chiseled jaw; the dimple in his chin; a full, arched top lip and plump bottom one to match. Then there was the straight, angular nose; the dark brows that added a hint of mystery to his deep-set eyes lined with inky lashes, making him the epitome of sexy; and a wide, smooth forehead that I believed would tell his secrets in his expressions. He was the spitting image of a younger Johnny Depp without the grunge.
“Hi.” He smiled, and I thought I’d die right there in the middle of a coffee shop.
4
Cash
As much as I loved technology, I hated it, too. The Skype chat with Jade didn’t do much, considering her connection was weak, which made her picture blurry, heavily pixelated, and choppy. At times, it even cut out completely, and all I had to stare at was a black screen. The conversation didn’t last long before we switched over to the phone.
Apparently, she didn’t have any issues with her picture, and she could hear me just fine, but as far as my end was concerned, I couldn’t see shit. It only made me more desperate to see her, despite my reasons for the no-picture rule. I hadn’t added that rule because I didn’t care what my future roommate would look like; it had more to do with not wanting to sexualize the possible relationship. I may have had no interest in dating anyone, but I wasn’t blind to the magnetic pull sexual attraction could have. I could fend off women all day long—and had to some days—but my concern was more out of being unable to fight my own needs…something I hadn’t contemplated when starting out on this venture.
I loved a woman’s body just as much as the next man. The curves and lines, soft skin, dimples, and overall flow of the female form was utter perfection, no matter the body type or the size of the dress she wore. However, and maybe I’m the odd man out, but there were only certain people who could spark the attraction within me. If I didn’t feel it, then it didn’t matter how little she wore or how much makeup she caked on her face, it wouldn’t change the built-in circuit inside me.
I’d managed to get ahold of her driver’s license picture and a few photos that were online of her, but they were all at least four to six years old, and the ones online didn’t give anything away. So I needed to see her, face to face. I’d told myself that was all I needed before moving forward with Jade. We had good, easy chemistry over the phone—the kind everyone seeks in a worthy friend—so I needed to find out if I was visually attracted to her. But when her computer threw a monkey wrench into that plan, I was left with nothing. Her phone didn’t send pictures, and for one reason or another, she couldn’t get one taken on the computer and sent via email. I’d started to think she was making shit up until I tried walking her through adding an attachment. Jade seriously had no concept of technology. How she’d managed to make it this far in this day and age was beyond me.
I thought Skype was foolproof. It was not. After less than ten minutes, I suggested we switch to the phone and just talk. The more I tried to get a good picture of her, the more frustrated I became.
“I was married for six years. I’d gone through school, gotten a job, and when I met Colleen, I was ready for the next step in life. Being dedicated to my job meant it took me away from her more than she expected, more than she could apparently tolerate. I made the decision to leave, but only because she’d taken the first step in ending it.” I wasn’t sure how we’d even gotten onto this topic, but for once, I didn’t feel the need to shut it down.
“When she cheated on you?” she asked, already having heard the story. I hadn’t given her all the details, only the bits she needed, and I was surprised by how easy it was to open up about it.
“Yeah. At first, I was angry. Pissed at the world. Then, after about six months, I realized I wasn’t so much mad as I was lonely. It’s a strange realization when most of my job is spent in solitude. I work in almost complete isolation. But it was those three nights a week that I didn’t have her next to me that twisted the knife in my back. That’s when I thought about finding a roommate.”