She had no time to focus on the pregnancy, only on him, but the checkups were fine and the baby was growing. She hadn’t told the sisters yet or anyone, and at Easter Miles looked at her with her big belly. He was looking haggard and was still on chemo but he was hanging in. It had been nine months since his diagnosis. He was defying the odds, but he was not getting better. And she was seven months pregnant.
“I think I have to make an honest woman of you,” he said quietly, and then he pulled himself out of their bed and got down on one knee. “Alexandra Winslow, will you marry me? Do I have to propose to Alexander Green too?” he teased her, and she dragged him back into bed.
“Yes, I will marry you.” She was smiling at him. “Where and when?”
“Well, you look like you’re going to pop any minute, so I think there’s no time like the present. Name the day and the place and I’ll be there.” She was touched that he’d asked her. She called Mother MaryMeg and told her and she was relieved. She told her again that they were praying for Miles every day. And then Alex told her about the baby, which made MaryMeg doubly glad that they were getting married.
They got married at the registry office, an old school friend of Miles stood up with him, and Fiona was Alex’s witness as her oldest friend in London. Fiona was heartbroken to see the condition Miles was in, and shocked to realize that Alex was pregnant.
“Will you be able to manage afterward?” Fiona whispered after the ceremony.
“I’ll have to, won’t I?” Alex said in a strong voice. Things had been even harder recently. Her publisher had finally asked for the return of their million-dollar advance, which Alex had sent them, and she never stopped signing checks for the farm, which cost a fortune. There was always some repair or problem, especially without Miles to oversee it. Money was getting tight. He was desperately sick. She wasn’t writing and hadn’t in months, he had run out of money and his only asset was the farm, which Alex had sunk her savings into, and she was having a baby and had no idea when she could work again.
But they celebrated their marriage that night quietly at home in bed. He had a sip of champagne, and she lay next to him, and he ran a hand over her belly and felt the baby. All she wanted now was for him to be alive when she was born. They had already picked out a name. Desiree, which meant desired. She never wanted there to be any doubt in her daughter’s mind later about whether or not they had wanted her. Desiree Erica Mila, for Alex’s father and Miles. They had gotten it all in since there would never be another.
—
Miles slid slowly downhill in the next two months. There were no brutal changes, but many subtle ones, as he ran out of time. He slept most of the day, as Alex sat next to his bed and watched him. They diminished the dose of chemo he was getting since it wasn’t helping and made him so ill. Alex never gave up and wouldn’t let the doctors give up either, but Miles seemed ready to let go, and he was very peaceful. Their focus was on the baby about to be born, less than what was happening to him, and he rubbed Alex’s back when she was tired. She was with him every night.
Bert had called Rose to see what was happening. He didn’t want to bother Alex. Rose knew about the baby by then and told Bert.
“Do you think she’ll ever go back to work?” He hated to see her waste a career like hers, and a talent.
“She’ll have to eventually, but she can’t focus on that now. Her husband is dying and she’s about to give birth.” It couldn’t get much worse in his opinion, and he didn’t want to call her with Miles so sick. He knew all Alex wanted to do was be with him and share each precious moment left to them, so he sent her encouraging emails, just to touch base with her, but not intrude. And Rose did the same.
Desiree’s timing was perfect. Miles was at the hospital for chemo, and Alex was with him, lying next to him on the bed, when she felt the first labor pains and her water broke a few minutes later. They wheeled her up to labor and delivery on a gurney, with Miles on his own bed wheeled along beside her, and the nurses put his bed next to hers so he could help her. He was holding Alex’s hand as she pushed Desiree into the world, all six and a half pounds of her. She was tiny and exquisite. And the nurses said they had never seen such an easy delivery. Alex had barely made a sound, and she and Miles cried when they saw their baby. She was a beautiful little girl with her mother’s perfect features and her father’s pale blond hair. And every part of her was delicate and lovely. The nurses carefully handed her to her father so he could hold her, as Alex lay next to them and watched them.
Duncan came to see his sister that night and said she was very pretty. And Fiona came and cried when she saw her. Alex had asked Brigid and Fiona to be her godmothers, and Alex called Brigid and the nuns that night to tell them Desiree had arrived and she was beautiful. And as she held her in her arms, Alex knew she was the best thing she’d ever done, and Miles’s most precious gift to her.
—
The three of them went home two days later to the London apartment, with a baby nurse to help them. There were nurses on duty for Miles by then too. He was very tired and slept as much as the baby, while Alex lay in bed with both of them.
Desiree was five days old on a brilliantly sunny June day. The baby nurse tucked her into her lacy white bassinet and wheeled her away to her room, while Alex held Miles in her arms. He glanced up at her and smiled, and took his last breath as she cradled him, and then he was gone. He looked so peaceful lying there, and she lay with him for a long time until one of the nurses came into the room and saw what had happened. Alex stayed with him until they took him away a little while later, and after he was gone, she held their baby. Desiree was the last gift from Miles. In seven precious years there had been so many gifts and blessings, but she was the sweetest of all.
—
They buried Miles in the old cemetery at the farm, and Alex and the baby stayed there afterward, while Alex decided what to do. It would be a good place for Desiree to grow up. Miles had wanted his children to have the farm forever, and Alex knew that she would see to it that she followed his wishes. She knew how much the farm meant to him and how much he loved it. And she loved it too. And after all he had done for her, keeping the farm in his memory seemed like the least she could do, whatever it took.
Chapter 20