“Why?” She had no idea what he meant, or if he was annoyed at her, and she looked worried.
“I could hear the music blaring when I called you. The poor man is trying to write, Alex. How can you put that on? I’m surprised he didn’t kill you.”
She laughed in response. “He was having an early dinner in the kitchen. And he’s very nice about things like that. I wouldn’t put it on when he’s actually writing.”
“What did he say? Was he really okay about your leaving?”
“Very much so. He told me to have fun.”
“He sounds like a benevolent father.”
“Sometimes he is,” she said, glancing out the window. She hated the lies that came so easily to her now. So much so that at times she believed them herself, and she knew he did. It seemed so wrong with someone she really liked and respected. But what choice did she have? She couldn’t put her life in his hands, and it would be if she ever confided in him. Instead, she had created a persona who didn’t exist but seemed real to her now.
It took them three hours, going at a leisurely pace on back roads, to get to his farm in Dorset. The first hour was on highway, and the last two on old, winding country roads that were beautiful in the September light. The trees were still green, the weather not too chilly yet, but one could tell that fall was coming. They passed old farmhouses and some gated properties. There were orchards and rolling hills, cows and sheep, and horses. They talked the whole way, first about the scenes they were filming, and then about life, how they viewed things, the people they cared about, the dreams they’d had when they were younger. His children were very important to him and he missed them.
“You’re so lucky you have a whole life ahead of you,” he said to Alex with feeling. “You’re just starting out.”
“So are you,” she said generously.
“No, I’m not. I’m halfway there, what’s done is done. And the mistakes one makes at your age follow you forever.” They were wise words. But it didn’t seem as though he had made too many mistakes. He had two children he loved, and a booming career. His only mistake was one bad marriage, which didn’t seem so terrible to her. And she had the books she had dedicated her life to writing for the past six years, and nothing else. She had built no relationships except the ones she grew up with. And she was almost certain she didn’t want children in the future. There was too much risk involved in having them, she thought. What if something happened to her or their father? They would be alone as she had been, and maybe not as lucky to find a family of loving nuns. She didn’t want to inflict those dangers on a child, and she had said as much to Miles one night at dinner, and he was surprised. He couldn’t imagine his life without his children, and she couldn’t imagine hers with children of her own. It terrified her.
Darkness fell about an hour before they got to the farm, and he drove between a pair of old iron gates at last. They had been left unlocked and open, and he turned the Jaguar onto a narrow rutted road that went on for a long time, and then finally she saw an enormous old-fashioned barn and a large stone house. There were wildflowers in a field, splendid old trees, and in the distance the lake he had mentioned, and a bright moon shedding light on the scene. He stopped the car and they got out, and he carried her bags across a little bridge over the moat as she followed him to the huge front door with a big brass knocker. He opened it with a key and stepped inside, and she walked in behind him into the hall, and he turned on the light.
She could see beautiful old country antiques, a long hallway, threadbare and once-handsome carpets hundreds of years old, and they walked into a living room of perfect proportions to be grand but still cozy, with a huge fireplace. There was a library, a smaller sitting room, a boot room, and an enormous country kitchen. It was what one imagined an English country estate should look like, not on a TV show or in a magazine, but in real life, and he was instantly relaxed and at home. He loved being there and came as often as he could. His children had grown up there, and he had spent much of his marriage there. The property was one of the fruits of his successful career and was one of the first things he had bought with his first hit series years before. He was deeply attached to his home, and he was happy to share it with Alex now. She felt honored to be there, in the inner sanctum of his life.
“Miles, it’s just perfect.” He could see instantly how much she liked it, and he was so touched by it and the warmth in her eyes that he couldn’t stop himself. He walked toward her and put his arms around her and kissed her for the first time, and she didn’t stop him. It was what they both wanted, and it was the perfect place for it to happen. They both felt as though they had come home.
“It means so much to me that you like it.” He took her by the hand and walked her upstairs then, and showed her all the bedrooms, including the big canopied bed in his that looked like a peaceful place to hide from the world. His children’s rooms were down the hall from his, each had their own suite that had been decorated for them as children, but they didn’t want to change them. And there were half a dozen imposing guest bedrooms. The manor had been built for country house parties and shooting weekends. There were a dozen servants’ bedrooms upstairs. And behind the barn he said there was a building where all the men who worked in the stable lived. And another that they no longer used, for additional servants that they no longer had, and hadn’t during his tenure. He had thought of transforming both houses into homes for his children one day when they were grown so they could bring their families there once they were married. It was his dream home and she could see why. It was filled with love. She could feel his strong bond to it as they walked around.