The Problem with Forever

“We can hit up Firehouse. I’m in the mood for their fries and fried hamburgers.”


Standing, Rider lifted his arms and stretched. His shirt rode up, baring a sliver of his stomach. My gaze dropped and focused in. His lower stomach was unbelievably taut. Defined.

Nice.

Very nice.

Cheeks flushing, I looked away and caught Hector’s knowing gaze. Crap. I needed to be better about checking out guys. Like incognito style. I didn’t even look in Paige’s direction to see if she caught me.

“You should come with us,” Hector suggested.

I blinked. Was he talking to me?

He was. Because Rider lowered his arms and glanced over to where I was, which was still sitting in my chair. “You want to grab something to eat?”

“Of course she does,” Hector replied. “She wouldn’t turn down our company. Who would?”

Goodness, he and Jayden were very much alike.

Rider’s grin was lazy. “So, what do you think?”

My mind raced over the possibilities. Besides Ainsley and my family, I’d never gone out and grabbed food with anyone else. I most definitely had never gone out to eat with one guy, let alone two. Carl and Rosa would probably flip.

Okay. They would absolutely flip.

But I wanted to.

Heart thumping in my chest, I felt myself nod.

Rider’s grin spread and the dimple in his right cheek blessed the world once more. “Perfect. You want to ride with us?” he asked. “Since we know where we’re going?”

“Works for me,” Hector replied. “I can drop you back off at the school later.”

That made sense, so I nodded again.

“Good.” Rider paused, his smile reaching his eyes. “But there’s just one thing you’re going to have to do first.”

My brows rose.

“You’re going to have to get up.”

I got up.

Paige spoke as she rose from her own seat. “I can’t go with you. You know I have to watch Penny on Mondays.”

“Hell.” Rider scrubbed his fingers through his hair as I wondered who Penny was. “Want me to pick you and your sister up something to eat? I can swing it by afterward?”

Her head cocked to the side. “Are you serious? You’re going anyway?”

Oh no.

I stepped back, slinging my bag over my shoulder. This was not going to end well. Not at all.

Rider faced his girlfriend as he spoke to us. “I’ll meet you guys outside, okay?”

“Sure,” murmured Hector, and when I didn’t move, he gently cupped my elbow. “Let’s go.”

I let Hector guide me out of the classroom. We didn’t speak, not the whole way outside. I wanted to talk about what had just happened, but as usual, I said nothing as we neared the parking lot. It wasn’t hard. I could talk. I’d talked in front of him before. I could do it now. It was easy.

Clenching my hands, I focused on the backs of the people in front of us—and pretended I was talking to Carl or Rosa. Or even Rider. The words came unstuck, slowly. Sort of painfully. “Maybe...I shouldn’t go.”

There.

I said it.

Thank Jesus.

And baby animals everywhere.

If my speaking surprised him, he didn’t show it. “There is no reason for you not to.”

Stopping by his Escort, I looked up at him. Tiny balls of nervous energy filled my stomach. Standing out here talking to him was not easy, no matter what lies I’d just told myself. “I...can think...of one big reason...why.”

A small grin appeared as he walked to the rear of the car and tossed his book bag into the back. “Paige?”

I nodded.

He chuckled, and I didn’t think it was very funny. Coming back to where I stood, he leaned against the driver’s door. A moment passed. “I don’t think Rider knows what he’s doing. I don’t think he ever knows what he’s doing.”

I frowned. “What...does that mean?”

Hector studied me for a moment, and this time he laughed under his breath. “Just thinking out loud.” He paused as he scratched at his chin. “You know, by this point in any other school year, Rider would’ve been in in-school suspension at least twice. Hasn’t gotten it once so far this year.”

I didn’t like the sound of that, but I was glad it appeared to be in the past.

“He also used to be out tagging every night he didn’t work,” he continued, eyeing the pathway Rider would be coming up. “He didn’t really spend that much free time with Paige, you get me?”

I totally did not get him.

“He’s respectful of my abuelita, don’t get me wrong, but Rider always has been...”

“Has been...what?” I asked, brushing a strand of wind-blown hair out of my face.

His moss-green gaze drifted to where I stood. “He’s always been here but not.”

I knew what that meant.

My chest clenched as I looked down at the oil-stained asphalt. Here but not. Existing but not living. I knew that feeling. Lived it for several years. Some days it felt like I was still wearing that feeling like a heavy jacket buttoned up too tightly. I didn’t know Rider felt the same, or that others had noticed that about him.

And that... Well, that made me sad.