Detectives took my statement and told me the man who’d shown up at my house was being charged with violating an injunction which was automatic since I’d had a restraining order against him. The guy had been found circling the neighborhood while the cops were still on-scene, stopped, questioned, and then taken into custody.
He’d also been armed.
The thing he was holding onto in his pocket had, indeed, been a handgun.
That got him an extra charge of attempted aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. The detective told me the man had crumbled when interrogated and confessed. He also said he’d be in jail for a while, hoping that would ease my fears. And it did to a certain extent.
They’d released me from the hospital the next day after holding me one night for observation. Devon hadn’t left my side once.
Prescription in hand for pain meds that were safe for the baby, the doctor told me to make an appointment with my obstetrician in the next four to six weeks. They said the stitches would dissolve, but that I needed to have the wound on my head checked in seven to ten days. They told Devon to keep an eye out for signs of a concussion.
I listened to everything they said, but absolutely could not comprehend any of it.
I was pregnant.
Pregnant.
Me.
Clearly, it was some sick joke.
I was silent the entire way home.
So silent and so out of it, I didn’t even realize it wasn’t my home we were going to. Devon had driven me back to his house. He opened the car door for me, took my hand as I climbed out, and led me to the front door, not saying a word. He opened the front door, walked me in, and took me back to the bedroom, where I sat on the edge of the bed.
“Where are the kids?” I managed, noticing we were alone.
He looked surprised to hear my voice.
“They went home with my mom.”
“But your parents are sick.”
“They’ve got a bug, baby. They’ll survive. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“They were really scared, Devon,” I whispered.
“They were scared for you. They were afraid you were hurt. But they saw you were all right, and I feel like you need a minute, or a night, to let your brain catch up with what’s happening.”
My eyes finally sought his out, and when they connected, they filled with tears.
“I’m so sorry,” I cried, the lid finally popping off the container I’d been stuffing my emotions into.
“Sorry for what?” Devon asked as he sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him.
“For everything,” I sobbed. “I’m sorry that man came here, that I put your children in danger. I’m sorry I’ve made such a mess of everything, and now that doctor thinks I’m pregnant and I’m sorry because even if I am, it won’t last, Devon. I’m not supposed to be able to get pregnant, so this is a mistake. And I’m sorry, so sorry, to bring you into this at all.”
“Grace,” he said as I collapsed against him, “you need to calm down.” Just like he had all day, he ran his hand along my hair, and I had to admit it was soothing, but there wasn’t any amount of comforting he could provide that would take away all the fear tearing me apart.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, Devon. I wasn’t ever supposed to accidentally get pregnant. I’m so sorry.”
“Grace, I was there too. We both made the decision not to protect against pregnancy, together. This is something we’re in together, 100 percent. I don’t want you carrying this weight on your own, because you’re not alone. I’m right here.”
“You aren’t upset that I’m pregnant?” I asked, looking up at him.
“No, Grace. I’m not upset. Shocked? Yes. Surprised? Definitely. But I’m not upset. How can I be? I love you and somehow we made a baby against all the odds. We defied all the doctors who told you you’d never conceive, and our love made a baby. How could I be upset about that?” His hand came to cradle my face and he kissed me so softly it almost made me cry harder.
“I know he did two tests, but I just can’t believe it. I’ve got this sick feeling in my stomach that it’s all going to come crashing down and I’ll be left without a baby again.”
“There are definitely a lot of things that could go wrong, but it could also go right. You could carry this baby and be a mother just like you’ve always wanted.”
I shook my head, more tears staining my already wet cheeks.
“I can’t risk hoping for that.”
He nodded like he understood and pulled me into another hug.
That night I slept in Devon’s arms and in the morning he reluctantly agreed to my plan.
I didn’t want to talk about the pregnancy.