“That’s a really powerful stance to take. Is it how you really feel?” she asked, as quietly as she could and still be heard in Disney World. Her words were soft and hopeful, as if my answer were important to her.
“It has to be,” I said, shrugging one shoulder. “After everything we’ve been through, nothing could be that hard again. It should make everything easier, right?” I watched as she considered my words, took them in, pondered them.
“I hope so,” she said with a faint smile, bringing her sunglasses back down to her eyes.
It occurred to me as I watched her try to push back whatever was running through her mind, that perhaps I wasn’t the only one who’d lived through something terrible.
The next few hours were spent following the children through the park. Ruby decided she didn’t hate it there and actually started having a good time. She so rarely let her guard down that it was incredible to watch her laugh and smile unreservedly. My heart lurched at one point when I saw Ruby and Evie holding hands as they walked in front of us. Evelyn had always looked so similar to Olivia, especially from behind. But I was immediately drawn away from the image when Jaxy tugged me toward a food stand.
“I’m hungry, Daddy.”
My watch indicated it was well past lunchtime, so I ruffled his hair and agreed it was time to eat. I called out to Ruby, Evie, and Nate, and we decided to find a table and then divide and conquer the food stands.
Nate offered to hold the table we eventually found and Jax wanted to stay with him. Ruby wanted to go with Evie, so that left Grace and me to bring back lunch for us and Jax.
“You have to let me buy you lunch. It’s bad enough I made you buy your own ticket when you weren’t even going to ride anything,” I said, looking over at Grace, only to see her smiling.
“It’s not a big deal. I’m having a good time.”
“Still…,” I said, unsure of how else to convince her. “Jax wants a hot dog. If you’d like something else, just speak up and we’ll find another place to grab you some lunch.”
“Hot dogs are great,” she said, still a little too compliant.
“Are you always this agreeable?”
She shrugged and then looked down at her feet. When she looked back up at me, her cheeks were pink. “I can be disagreeable.” She flattened her lips, forcing the smile from them. I assumed she was trying to look menacing, but it just didn’t work. Not with the sunlight creating a halo around her dark hair and the blue of her eyes sparkling up at me.
“Sure. I’ll believe it when I see it.” We both chuckled and then an uncomfortable silence settled between us.
“So, Evie and Nate seem great. Jax and Ruby really seem to love them. How do you know each other?”
I should have thought about this question coming up, should have formulated some sort of answer to have ready, since it was sort of an obvious one. But I hadn’t thought that far ahead. And I had no idea what to tell her. A big part of me wanted to tell her everything, but things between us were awkward enough; unloading on her in the middle of Disney World probably wasn’t best. But I wanted to tell her the truth. The need to be transparent with her was overwhelming, and I didn’t want to stop and think about what that meant.
“Evie was my wife’s best friend.” There. That was the truth. Well, part of it. The easiest part.
“Oh,” she replied, with obvious surprise. “Oh,” she said again, this time with a somber tone. The line moved forward and so did we.
“Yeah. She was really close with the kids before we moved here. This is only the second time they’ve seen her since then. She splits her time between LA and Fairbanks, where Nate lives. Well, he splits his time too. Anyway… she wanted to come see the kids.”
“That’s great that she still gets to see them, and that they still have that part of their mother,” she said softly. For some reason, it baffled me that she’d spoken the words I’d thought almost every time Evelyn had called or Skyped with them. In the long run, the good she did for the kids far outweighed any awkwardness between us. And the awkwardness seemed to have faded and dissipated.
“I agree. I’m very grateful for Evelyn. She was one of the only reasons we made it through after Olivia passed. She did a lot for us.” I hoped and prayed Grace didn’t have mind reading capabilities, or that my thoughts weren’t written all over my face. A lot of things had happened after my wife died, and I wasn’t proud of all of them, but my past was my past.
With four hot dogs between the two of us—because I knew Jaxy would want more than one—we made our way back to the table. Evie and Ruby had beaten us back, and Ruby turned to me with a wide smile.
“Dad,” she said excitedly, “Aunt Evie says she and Uncle Nate will take us over to Space Mountain next. It’s supposed to be the coolest roller coaster ever. It’s all in the dark.”