See, says the voice, what did I tell you?
Roxy hauls herself up on to the flat stone next to Allie. She is suddenly and instantly impressive. She’s muscular in her shoulders and arms, but it’s more than that.
Reaching out with that sense that she has honed and practised, Allie tries to gauge how much power Roxy has in her skein.
She feels that she is falling off the edge of the world. It goes on and on. As limitless as the ocean.
‘Oh,’ she says, ‘a soldier will come.’
‘What’s that now?’
Allie shakes her head. ‘Nothing. Something I heard once.’
Roxy gives her an appraising look. ‘You a bit spooky, then? That’s what I thought when I saw your videos. Bit spooky, I thought. You’d do well on one of them TV shows – Most Haunted, you ever seen that? Actually, you don’t have anything to eat, do you? I’m starving.’
Allie pats down her pockets and finds a candy bar in her jacket. Roxy tears into it, taking huge bites.
‘That’s better,’ she says. ‘You know that thing when you’ve used up a lot of power and it just makes you starving hungry?’ She pauses, looks at Allie. ‘No?’
‘Why were you doing it? The light in the water?’
Roxy shrugs. ‘It was just an idea I had. Never been in the sea before, wanted to see what I could do.’ She squints out at the ocean. ‘I think I killed a bloody load of fish. You could probably have dinner out of them all this week if you’ve got …’ She juggles her hands. ‘I dunno, a boat and a net or something. I suppose some of them might be poison. Can you get poison fish? Or is it just like … Jaws and that?’
Allie laughs, in spite of herself. It’s been a while since someone last made her laugh. Since she last laughed without deciding beforehand that laughing was the smart thing to do.
She just had an idea, says the voice. It just popped into her head. She came looking for you. I told you a soldier would come.
Yeah, says Allie. Shut up for a minute, OK?
‘What made you come to look for me?’ says Allie.
Roxy shifts her shoulders as if she’s darting and weaving, escaping imaginary blows.
‘I had to get out of England for a bit. And I saw you on YouTube.’ She takes a breath, lets it all out, smiles at herself and then says, ‘Look, I don’t know, all those things you talk about, where you say that God’s made this all happen for a reason and women are supposed to take over from men … I don’t believe any of that God stuff, all right?’
‘All right.’
‘But I think … like d’you know what they’re teaching girls in school in England? Breathing exercises! No kidding, bleeding breathing. Bleeding “keep it under control, don’t use it, don’t do anything, keep yourself nice and keep your arms crossed,” you know what I mean? And like, I had sex with a bloke a few weeks back and he was practically begging me to do it to him, just a little bit, he’d seen it on the internet; no one’s going to keep their arms crossed for ever. My dad’s all right, and my brothers are all right, they’re not bad, but I wanted to talk to you cos you’re like … you’re thinking about what it means. For the future, you know? It’s exciting.’
It comes out of her in a big rush.
‘What do you think it means?’ says Allie.
‘Everything’s gonna change,’ says Roxy, picking at the seaweed with one hand while she talks. ‘Stands to reason, doesn’t it? And we’ve all got to find some new way to work together on it. You know. Blokes have got a thing they can do: they’re strong. Women have got a thing now, too. And there’s still guns, they don’t stop working. Lot of blokes with guns: I’m no match for them. I feel like … it’s exciting, you know? I was saying this to my dad. The stuff we could do together.’
Allie laughs. ‘Do you think they’ll want to work with us?’
‘Well, some of them yeah, and some of them nah, right? But the sensible ones will. I was talking about it with my dad. Do you ever get that feeling when you’re in a room and you can tell which girls around you have got loads of power, and which have got none? You know, like … like spider-sense?’
This is the first time Allie has ever heard anyone else talk about this sense she has particularly acutely.
‘Yes,’ she says. ‘I think I know what you mean.’
‘Bloody hell, no one knows what I mean. Not that I’ve talked about it with loads of people. Anyway, that: useful to be able to tell the blokes, right? Useful to work together.’
Allie flattens her lips. ‘I see it a bit differently, you know.’
‘Yeah, mate, I know you do, I’ve seen your stuff.’
‘I think there’s going to be a great battle between light and darkness. And your destiny is to fight on our side. I think you will be mightiest in the mightiest.’
Roxy laughs and chucks a pebble into the sea. ‘I always fancied having a destiny,’ she says. ‘Look, can we go somewhere? Yours, or somewhere? It’s bloody freezing out here.’
They let her come to Terry’s funeral; it was a bit like Christmas. There was aunties and uncles, and booze and bridge rolls and hard-boiled eggs. There was people putting an arm round her and telling her she’s a good girl. And Ricky gave her some stuff before they set off, and he took some himself and went, ‘Just to take the edge off.’ So it felt like snow was falling. Like it was cold and high up. Just like Christmas.
At the grounds, Barbara, Terry’s mum, went to throw a trowel of dirt on to the coffin. When the earth hit the wood she made a long, wailing cry. There was a car parked and blokes with long-lens cameras taking pictures. Ricky and some of his mates scared them off.
When they came back, Bernie said, ‘Paps?’
And Ricky said, ‘Could be police. Working with.’
Roxy’s in a bit of trouble over this, probably.
They were all right to her at the reception. But at the grounds none of the mourners knew where to put their faces when she walked past.
At the convent, supper is already being served when Allie and Roxy arrive. There’s a place saved for them at the head of the table, and there’s chatter and the smell of good warm food. It’s a stew with clams and mussels and potatoes and corn. There’s crusty bread and apples. Roxy has a feeling she can’t quite name, can’t really place. It makes her a little bit soft inside, a bit teary. One of the girls finds her a change of clothes: a warm knitted jumper and a pair of sweatpants all worn and cosy from being washed so often, and that’s just how she feels, too. The girls all want to chat to her – they’ve never heard an accent like hers and they make her say ‘water’ and ‘banana’. There’s so much talking. Roxy always thought she was a bit of a blabbermouth, but this is something else.