Q: Do you have family/friends who are still practicing a polygamist lifestyle (besides your mother)? How do you reconcile that and still have a loving relationship with them?
A: Yes. Several close and extended family members still practice; others still believe in but don’t currently practice polygamy as an expression of their faith. We have all pretty much agreed to disagree. I also have close and extended family who are modern-day LDS Mormons, as well as some who are atheists, agnostics, new agers, Buddhists, and several different denominations of Christianity. Some describe themselves as spiritual but not religious. My family has navigated the choppy waters of our spiritual expressions within the context of our relationships with one another. Lots of love and grace have been extended and received.
Q: What was the book-writing experience like? I can’t imagine the courage and vulnerability it must have taken.
A: I have known for decades that I wanted to write a book and tell my story. The book-writing experience was more difficult than I ever expected. The amount of detail, storytelling, and editing needed was more than I had bargained for.
Writing a book is in so many ways like having a baby. I’m convinced that no one is ever “prepared” to have a baby, no matter how well-read or experienced you are with other people’s babies. I’m eager to “deliver” this book-baby to the world and am hoping for the best possible outcome and reception.
Q: Can you see ways that God has used the bad things in your upbringing for good today?
A: Definitely. First, I speak Spanish fluently, which has been invaluable in my business and professional life. It also comes in handy when I need to talk to my siblings and don’t want my kids to understand what I’m saying. I have learned to be a peacemaker because I can see two sides of a situation clearly. My experiences have made me relatable, empathetic, and compassionate toward others. My upbringing gives me credibility when speaking to others, and I feel very comfortable in front of a crowd. I’m told that I inherited my father’s intelligence and charisma.
Q: Over the past few years, there have been television reality shows featuring polygamous families, such as Sister Wives and now My Five Wives. Also, Escaping Polygamy features the efforts of three sisters who escaped from their cult and are helping others to do the same. What do you think about these shows? How do they differ from your experience?
A: My experiences were very different than what is currently portrayed on television. My life was closer to the fictitious drama Big Love that ran from 2006 to 2011. I could only watch a few episodes because of the strong reactions it triggered within me. The series portrayed life with a more violent, fundamentalist cult-like atmosphere.
When I’ve watched Escaping Polygamy, I am reminded of my own escape from the cult. The heart-pounding, sweaty-palm feelings come right back to me as if it were yesterday
As for the show Sister Wives, Christine Brown is my cousin. Her grandfather and my father are brothers. She doesn’t know me —yet. I follow her on Twitter, but that’s the extent of my connection with her as of this writing. I’d love to meet her, of course! I do wonder about her early years, where she grew up, and if she knew about my dad or had any experiences with him.
It seems to me like the show wants to portray the polygamist lifestyle as normal. My experience was that this kind of life is anything but normal, especially for the kids. However, I escaped prior to becoming a child-bride or being married off to a man with multiple wives. I’m grateful that I was never a sister-wife and that I won’t have those experiences to compare notes with Christine about.
Q: What is one thing you hope your readers take from your story?
A: Hope and courage. I especially desire this for them if they have experienced trauma or abuse of any kind in their life. There is a lot of living left for all of us to do. Pursuing true freedom and healing in a holistic way that involved my body, soul, and spirit was what worked for me.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
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TO MY CHILDREN. Words are not enough. From the beginning, you have supported me and cheered me on throughout the writing of this book, each in your own way. You have risen so far above what I could ever have dreamed, considering my upbringing and all the ways I could have done better by you. That you don’t hold those things to my account is the greatest gift I will ever receive. David, Caleb, Jacob, Kristina, and Hannah, you are my most precious treasure and purest joy. You have my whole heart forever.
To my family —every one of you. We’ve suffered and lost way too much. The losses were unbearable for some, and we lost them, too. The weight of it all hangs too heavily on others. I am fully aware that many of you experienced unimaginably worse than anything you will read here.
Ramona, Faye, Kathleen, Celia, Hyrum, and Adine, I couldn’t have done this without you, nor would I have wanted to.
Celia, you taught me to love reading and learning before I started kindergarten, which helped me become who I am today. You’ve continued teaching me throughout the years. We’ve spent countless hours talking, in person and by phone, and it won’t ever be enough. I can’t imagine living life without you. I love it that we grew up together. I love it more that we made sure our children did too.
Madlin, you’ve been my best friend and the sister my heart chose for what feels like forever. We’ve been through it all in the three-plus decades we’ve shared. You and your family are precious to me. Praying with you and Mark until Joshua was born and then fasting from dessert all those months until Alexandra joined your family are my two favorite stories about us. I also love the legendary 9-1-1 stories, and we have a slew of them. The best is always yet to come.
Kelli, you were the wind beneath my wings even before chapter 31 had been written in this book. Yes, we were breaking the rules when we went to the movie theater to see Beaches. Your irrepressible and resilient spirit is what I love most about you.
To my high school (SBCGA) and “college” (I.I.) friends. You embraced the new girl and included me in all the shenanigans, which only got better as time went on. Your friendship changed my life forever.
Jessica Kirkland, you believed in my story from the first time we talked. You demonstrated that when, for our next call, you blocked off your entire morning so you could listen to me unravel the tangled tale front to back. I’m forever grateful.