“After you smell better, maybe. Now hold still or this scrub brush will take off your hide along with the smell.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I grumble unhappily, and for my tone, I get the brush slapped upside my head. Fuck. Will this day ever end? Better yet, will CC be back in my arms when it does? This is all my fault and I’m feeling like shit for getting her into it.
“You okay, sweetheart?” Gray asks again.
I’ve lost count, but we’re surely in double digits by now.
It’s the day after the entire mess. The tournament has been postponed because of a rainstorm, so we’re just trying to recover. We’re snuggled on the couch watching TV and wearing the hotel robes. Finally clean… and finally Ida-Sue-and-crazy-Lucas-family free. If it wasn’t for smelling like tomato juice and vinegar, I would pretend it was all a bad memory.
I’m trying to act normal, but there’s this fear that keeps swamping me. There were a lot of people around when we made it back to the hotel. A lot. Gray said he had it handled, but fuck, I don’t know how many people saw me naked. I don’t know what kind of chaos played after I ran away crying. It took Ida Sue an hour to calm me down, but we both know that if this gets out, Riverton will use that against me, which means there’s no way I’ll be able to get the loan from the bank unless Ida Sue performs a miracle. Every time the phone rings, I jump, worried it’s Riverton and praying it’s Ida Sue instead with word from the bank. I don’t care what the terms are; right now, I’d sign away my life if it means keeping the garage from that asshole. I feel so bad. There’s just no words. Jackson has been trying to get a loan, but his credit pretty much sucks after his divorce.
“I wish you would quit asking me that,” I tell Gray, trying not to be frustrated with him. It’s not fair that I’m blaming him, though I am. It’s not his fault I’m in the mess that I’m in, but it is his fault we literally got caught with our pants down.
“I’m worried about you, Cooper.”
“I’m about as good as someone can be when they’ve mooned half of Georgia and then got groped by some perverted doorman.”
“Fucking bastard. I should have hit him harder.”
“Let’s try to just not talk about it, please?”
“I’m sorry, baby,” he says. He sounds so sad, I feel like a bitch for being upset.
“I know,” I tell him, then wince. I made the decision to make love with him. It’s not his fault completely and yet I realize I am holding a grudge. I’m blaming him.
“C’mon, CC. Talk to me. What’s upsetting you the most?”
“You need more besides what we just talked about?”
“I can’t help feeling like there’s something more. You need to talk to me.”
He’s right. I know he is. I take a deep breath. Is this where I push him away? Is this where I lose him?
“There’s things you don’t know,” I tell him.
He pulls up, turning so he can face me, and I see the worry and maybe even hurt in his face. Guilt swamps me and I try to push it behind me so I can concentrate on what I need to tell him.
“Talk to me, CC.”
“Gray, when Banger got sick, things just got… really bad. It was just me and him. There wasn’t anyone else to depend on.”
“I’m sorry, honey. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you.”
My next words stop, and I feel like I’m choking on them. He’s completely serious. I want to believe him, and I think most of me does. There’s still this small voice in my head telling me not to believe him—not to trust him. I have this war going on inside of me. Will he let me down like others have? Will he leave me? Am I being unfair? Why do I insist on making Gray pay for the sins of others?
“Okay, fine!” I tell him, more upset with myself than him and deciding just to lay it out for him. “Gray, I’m in trouble. I made a huge mistake…” I start, when a knock at the door stops me.
Both of us look at the door and Gray huffs in frustration.
“Stay right here and don’t move.” I don’t respond, my eyes still glued to the door. I have a bad feeling. “Do you hear me, CC?” he prompts, and I tear my eyes from the door to look at him.
“Okay,” I say weakly, sitting up.
“I love my family, but I swear they have the most horrible timing,” Gray mutters, walking to the door.
I just keep staring at the door like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. He might think it is family, but something inside of me tells me different, and I know once that door opens, my world is never going to be the same.