‘Deal.’ I walked away wondering why he was being so helpful and thought that maybe his guilty conscience was still plaguing him. Perhaps, just occasionally, human beings wanted to make up for past misdemeanours.
That evening, I wondered if it was me who was not myself, but the conversation that usually flowed over dinner was now stilted and unnatural. Ace was weirdly quiet and didn’t even laugh at my jokes, which he normally did no matter how bad they were. As soon as I put down my knife and fork, he yawned and said we should get an early night, and I agreed. In bed, he reached for me silently in the darkness and made love to me.
‘Night, CeCe,’ he said as we settled down for him to sleep and for me to lie awake.
‘Night.’
I listened for the change in breathing pattern to let me know that he was asleep, but I didn’t hear it. Eventually, I heard him sigh and a tentative hand reached out in the darkness to find me.
‘You asleep?’ he whispered.
‘You know I rarely am.’
‘Come here, I need a hug.’
He drew me to him and held me so tight that my nose was pressed against his chest and I could barely breathe.
‘I really meant what I said earlier. I’ll miss you,’ he murmured in the darkness. ‘Maybe I will come out to Australia. I’ll give you my mobile number. Promise to text me a forwarding address?’
‘Yeah, of course.’
‘We are a pair, aren’t we?’
‘Are we?’
‘Yes, both at a crossroads, not knowing where we go next.’
‘I s’pose.’
‘Well, it’s true for you at least. Sadly, I know exactly where I’ll be going. Eventually . . .’
‘Where?’
‘It doesn’t matter, but I just want to tell you, that if things were different . . .’ I felt his lips gently caress the top of my head. ‘You’re the most real person I’ve ever met, Celaeno D’Aplièse. Never change, will you?’
‘I don’t think I can.’
‘No,’ he chuckled. ‘Probably not. I just want you to promise me one more thing.’
‘What’s that?’
‘If you . . . hear things about me in the future, please try not to judge me. You know that things are never quite what they seem. And . . .’ I knew he was struggling to find the words. ‘Sometimes, you have to do stuff to protect those you love.’
‘Yeah, like I did for Star.’
‘Yes, sweetheart, like you did for Star.’
With that, he kissed me again and rolled over.
*
Of course, I didn’t sleep a wink that night. All sorts of emotions – some of them new – were racing around my head. I only wished I could confide in someone, ask their opinion about what Ace had said to me. But the fact was, Ace had become my ‘someone’ . . . my friend. I turned the word over in my mind. I’d never had a proper friend before who wasn’t my sister, and perhaps I didn’t know how friendship even worked. Was I his friend too? Or had he simply been using me to ease his loneliness . . . and had I been doing the same? Or were we more than just friends?
I gave up lying sleepless in the bed and crept out to the beach, though it was even too early for sunrise. My heart started to pound as I thought of leaving the security of the little universe Ace and I had created together. I’d miss him – and this paradise – a lot.
Po was just returning to his post for the daytime shift as I walked back to the gate to enter the palace for the final time.
‘Got your pictures, madam.’ He reached into his nylon rucksack to retrieve some brightly coloured photo envelopes. He leafed through four of them, checking the contents, and I wondered if this was a service he offered on the side to other residents of Phra Nang Beach to make a few extra baht.
‘These yours,’ he confirmed, tucking the other two packs back into his rucksack.
‘Thanks,’ I said, reminding myself to pay him and give him a decent tip when I left, then I walked up the path to my room to pack.
An hour later, I hoisted my rucksack onto my back and shut the door behind me. I stomped miserably down to the terrace where Ace was pacing up and down. I was chuffed to see that he looked as depressed and agitated as I did.
‘You off?’
‘Yeah.’ I drew the envelope of photos out of my back pocket and put it on the table. ‘They’re for you.’
‘And here’s my mobile number,’ he said, handing me a piece of paper in return.
We stood there awkwardly, staring at each other. And I just wanted the moment to be over.
‘Thanks so much for . . . everything.’
‘No need to thank me, CeCe. It’s been a pleasure.’
‘Right then.’ I made to heave the rucksack onto my shoulders again, but then he opened his arms.
‘Come here.’ He pulled me to him and gave me an enormous hug, his chin resting on the top of my head. ‘Promise to keep in touch?’
‘Yeah, course.’
‘And you never know, I just might make it to Australia,’ he said as he carried my rucksack to the gate.
‘That would be great. Bye then.’
‘Bye, CeCe.’
Po pressed the red button to let me out, and I gave him the cash for the photos then offered him the tip. Surprisingly he refused it, shaking his head and looking at me with that guilty expression of his.
‘Bye bye, madam.’
I walked down Plebs’ Path to Railay, feeling too upset to go and say goodbye to Jack and the gang. Not that I expected they’d miss me. As I passed the bar, I saw Jay loitering on the edge of the veranda with a Singha beer, an accessory that seemed to be glued permanently to his fingers. I made to walk straight past him – I wasn’t in the mood for small talk.
‘Hiya, CeCe,’ he intercepted me. ‘You off?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Not taking your new boyfriend with you?’ I saw a glint in his booze-soaked eyes and a smile that managed to be more like a sneer on his lips.
‘You got it wrong, Jay. I don’t have a boyfriend.’
‘Nah, course you don’t.’
‘I’ve got to go, or I’ll miss my flight. Bye.’
‘How’s that sister of yours?’ he called after me.
‘Fine,’ I shouted back, as I continued to walk.
‘Send her my best, won’t you?’
I pretended not to hear and marched on across the sand towards the long-tail boats waiting to ferry passengers back to Krabi town.
*
As the plane left the runway at Suvarnabhumi airport heading for Sydney, I thought that the upside of my head having been so full of Ace in the last few hours was that at least I hadn’t dwelt on either the twelve-hour plane journey or what I might find when I got there. I had also managed to buy what the airport pharmacist had called ‘sleepy pills’ to aid my journey. I’d taken two for good measure just as boarding was announced – but if anything, I now felt more awake and alert than I normally did and wondered if those pills contained caffeine rather than a sleeping potion.
Thankfully, the plane was relatively empty and I had two spare seats next to me, so as soon as the seatbelt sign was switched off, I stretched across them and made myself comfortable, telling my brain that I was exhausted and drugged and would it please do me a favour and go to sleep.