‘Yes. Fred left too after that. He went walkabout and never returned. And I haven’t had sight nor sound of any of them since. I must have done something very bad in my life. Everyone I love leaves me.’
‘I didn’t. You sent me away, remember?’
‘Drummond, you know that I had no choice. I—’
‘Yes, and I will regret my actions until my dying day. Rest assured I’ve had long enough to do that already.’
‘We were both culpable, Drummond, make no mistake.’
‘It was good to feel alive, though, wasn’t it?’
‘It was, yes.’
‘Those memories have kept me going on many a long, cold night out in the Never Never. Kitty . . .’
‘Yes?’
‘I have to ask this.’ Drummond ran a hand through his hair, uncharacteristically nervous. ‘I . . . heard rumours that you were with child after I left.’
‘I . . . How did you know?’
‘You know how news travels in the Outback. Kitty, was the baby mine?’
‘Yes.’ The word came out in an enormous bubble of released tension, as Kitty finally voiced the secret she’d kept for all these years.
‘There is no doubt?’
‘None. I had . . . bled after Andrew left.’ A faint blush rose to Kitty’s cheeks. ‘Before you and I were—’
‘Yes. So.’ Drummond swallowed hard. ‘What happened to our baby?’
‘I lost him. For seven months, I felt him inside me, a part of you, a part of us, but I went into labour early and he was stillborn.’
‘It was a boy?’
‘Yes. I called him Stefan, after your father. I felt that was right under the circumstances. He’s buried in Broome cemetery.’
Kitty sobbed then. Huge, gulping, ugly tears as her body expressed all that she’d held inside her for so long. To the only other person on the earth who could possibly understand. ‘Our baby son and Charlie, both gone to ashes. Good grief! Sometimes the days have seemed so dark I’ve wondered what the point of it all is.’ Kitty used the bed sheet to wipe her eyes. ‘There now, I’m being self-indulgent and I have no right to be living when my two sons are dead.’
‘My God, Kitty . . .’ Drummond put his arm around her trembling shoulder. ‘What havoc love can wreak on us sad humans.’
‘A little love,’ Kitty murmured, her head lying against his chest, ‘and it destroyed us both.’
‘You must take comfort from the fact that nothing in life is quite that simple. If Andrew had not sent me to collect the Roseate Pearl, it would be him that had returned to you alive, and me lying at the bottom of the ocean. We must try to be responsible for our own actions, but we cannot be responsible for the actions of others. They have an insidious way of wrapping like bindweed around our own destinies. Nothing on earth is separate from the other.’
‘That’s awfully profound,’ whispered Kitty with the ghost of a smile.
‘And thankfully, I believe it to be true. It is all that has kept me from throwing myself off the top of Ayers Rock.’
‘But where has it left us? Neither of us have family to pass any of our wisdom on to. For the Mercers, it is the end of the line.’
There was a long pause before he replied. ‘Kitty, I beg you to trust me one last time. There is somewhere I should take you before you leave. You must come with me tomorrow.’
‘No, Drummond, I have spent the last forty years of my life wishing to go to Ayers Rock and I will do so in a few hours’ time. Nothing can dissuade me.’
‘What if I swear I’ll take you there the day after? Besides, it will mean you don’t have to rise until eight, given it is already past one in the morning. I beseech you, Kitty. You must come.’
‘Please, Drummond, swear to me it is not simply a wild goose chase?’
‘It is not, but equally, we must go as soon as we can. Before it’s too late.’
Kitty looked at his grave expression. ‘Where are we going?’
‘To Hermannsburg. There is someone you need to see.’
32
‘Missus M! It’s past eight o’clock! Wasn’t we meant to get up at four? You said you’d come and wake me.’
Kitty stirred, seeing Sarah’s anxious face hovering above her.
‘There’s been a change of plan,’ she said hoarsely as she came to. ‘Mr D is driving us out to Hermannsburg today.’
‘That’s good then, is it?’ Sarah waited for confirmation.
‘Yes, it is.’
‘What is Hermannsburg?’ Sarah asked as she folded the clothes that Kitty had dropped on the floor last night.
‘It’s a Christian mission. Mr D felt it would be too hot to take the trip out to Ayers Rock today. He says Hermannsburg is far closer.’
‘I don’t like God-botherers,’ said Sarah. ‘They used to tell us stories of the little Lord Jesus at the orphanage, said that we should pray to him for our salvation. All I could think was that he didn’t last that long, did ’e, miss? For all that he was the son of God.’ Sarah stood at the end of the bed with her hands on her hips. ‘What time are we leaving?’
‘At nine o’clock.’
‘Then I’ll go and get you a fresh basin of water so as you can have a good wash before we leave, ’cos the Lord knows when we’ll get another. I like your friend, by the way. It’s good we have someone protecting us out ’ere, isn’t it?’
‘Yes.’ Kitty suppressed a smile.
‘D’you think he’d let me steer the cart for a bit? I’ve always loved ’orses, ever since the rag an’ bone man came round to me auntie’s and ’e gave me a ride.’
‘I’m sure that could be arranged,’ Kitty said and fell back onto her pillow as Sarah left the room.
‘What am I doing?’ she moaned as the events of only a few hours ago came back to her.
You’re living, Kitty, for the first time in years . . .
Downstairs, she forced down a breakfast of bread and strong coffee as Sarah chatted away opposite her.
‘Mister D said he’ll meet us outside when we’ve finished breakfast. We’re to take a change of clothes each because of the dust, but he’s seeing to the supplies. I’m glad ’e’s coming, Missus M, ’e looks like a man who knows ’is way around. It’s a bit like the Wild West out here, in’t it? I once saw a flick that showed horses galloping across the desert. Never thought I’d see it for meself.’
Outside, Drummond waited with a pony and cart, and the two women clambered up onto the board bench. Kitty mentioned that Sarah wished to drive the pony at some point and put her firmly between them.
‘Right. Off we go.’ Drummond gently snicked the pony’s back and they trotted off along the high street.
Kitty was only too happy to let Drummond regale Sarah with his adventures in the Outback. She took in the scenery, which, as they headed out of the town, became a vibrant red, the mountain range a hazy violet behind it. Sarah constantly questioned him, and he patiently pointed out the varieties of shrubs, trees and animals as she sucked up information like spinifex during a drought.
‘And that over there is a ghost gum.’ Drummond indicated a white-barked tree in the distance. ‘It’s sacred to the Aboriginals, and you can use the bark to treat colds . . .’
As the sun beat down, Kitty was glad of her cotton bonnet with its net veil, and eventually the rhythmic clopping of the pony’s sure footsteps lulled her into a doze.
‘Turn left here.’
She was pulled back to consciousness by Drummond’s voice.