It was obvious that Damian knew the island like the back of his hand. He knew where to find small, red bananas with a texture so creamy that they tasted like thick, sweet custard, with a hint of raspberry. He knew where the sun hit, at what time, and where the coolest breezes came off the ocean.
“Do you come here often?” I asked, as he checked on the generator. It seemed like the place was pretty self-sufficient. A generator, tanks to collect and process rain water, propane to heat up the water we used for cleaning and bathing.
“It was home for a while,” he replied.
“You mean when you and Rafael were hiding, after the incident with El Charro?”
“How do you know about El Charro?”
“Rafael told me.”
It didn’t seem to bother him. He was who he was, with no pretense about his past or the things he had done.
“Does anyone know you’re out here? I mean, whose property is this?” I asked.
“It’s mine now,” he said. “No one else had much use for it. It’s too small for tourism, too much beach for farming, too remote for fishermen.”
“But you don’t live here?”
“No. I go where my work takes me.”
“So . . .” I fiddled with the hem of my top. “We are okay here?”
Damian stilled at my words. “There is no ‘we’, Skye. We grew up. We became different people. We live in different worlds. As soon as it’s safe, I’m dropping you off at the mainland.”
“You’re just going to drop me off?” I stared at him incredulously. “What about MaMaLu? You said you were going to take me there. I need to see her, Damian. I need to see her grave. I never got to say goodbye.”
“Neither did I,” he spit out. “I was taking you there so you could see, so you could understand why I did what I did. But you already know the truth.”
“So that’s it? You unload me somewhere they can find me, like some unwanted cargo? And what am I supposed to do? Forget everything that happened? Forget that you abducted me, turned my life upside down, and then turned me loose? Just like that? Well, you know what? I did forget. I forgot about you until you came back into my life. You’re a selfish fucking bastard, Damian. Pick me up when it suits you, drop me off when it suits you. I’m not some mindless, emotionless pawn you can move from here to there in this game you’re playing with my father. I’m real and I’m here and I care about you.”
And there it was, a flash of raw emotion on Damian’s face, a hitching of his breath like he’d been punched in the gut. And just as quickly, it was gone.
“Don’t care about me,” he said. “I am a selfish fucking bastard. I’ve killed people, planned, plotted, and orchestrated the whole thing, and never felt an ounce of remorse. And I planned, plotted and orchestrated to kill you. So don’t care about me, because I’m only going to disappoint you.”
“Bullshit! You’re just afraid to let me in, you’re afraid to let anyone in.”
We glared at each other, neither willing to back off.
Then Damian turned and disappeared into the trees.
Fine.
I stormed off to the beach.
I shimmied out of my skirt, tossed my top onto the sand and walked into the water. It was warm, and so clear that the sun’s rays danced on my feet. I lay on my back and gave myself up to the ocean.
Take it. Take it all away, I thought. I don’t know what to do with any of it.
I floated like a piece of driftwood, bobbing up and down on the waves. My finger still stung, but it was bearable. I opened my eyes as a seagull passed overhead, blocking the sun momentarily. I turned to the shore, following its path, and noticed Damian watching me from the verandah. I was wearing my underwear, but it was stuck to my body like second skin. He’d already seen me naked, but this was different. He hadn’t looked at me then, the way he was looking at me now, with the kind of longing that made me feel like I was the Holy Grail to his quest, like I was the oasis and he was two burning feet in the desert sand. He looked away and went back to whittling whatever he was working on.