“It’s obvious that you do, sweetie.” Amanda leans forward and pats my hand. “You love Trey, but you’re in love with Aaron.” She squeezes my hand as the truth of my feelings are pulled from deep within me and thrown on the table, smacking me dead in the chest. “What’s holding you back with Aaron, from going and getting him?”
“He lied, Amanda, he lied and then left, just like the first time. I can’t . . .” I choke on a sob that gets caught in my throat. “I can’t keep going through this cycle. He says all these things like he loves me, that he will never hurt me again, and then the next freaking day, he’s standing there, unable to make eye contact with me. I don’t know where I stand.” I wipe a tear away. “My heart can’t take any more disappointment.” I take a deep breath. “It’s why I’ve considered talking to Trey. Maybe he’s changed. I can be on my own. This isn’t about that. As long as I don’t have to move away, I can—” I can what?
Amanda scoots forward and clears her throat while her hand stays on my knee. “You and I both know that’s not what you really want. Trey is a good man, but he isn’t the man who will truly fulfill you.” Taking a second to think cautiously, Amanda asks, “Have you ever thought to put yourself in Aaron’s shoes?”
Unsure of where Amanda is going with this, I say, “No.”
“Think about it for a second, Amelia. We’re talking about Aaron here. He broke up with you because he wanted you to have a better life, he wanted you to pursue your dreams, and he knew if he stuck around, you weren’t going to go after that scholarship in New York City. Should he have talked to you about it instead of pushing you away and taking off, maybe, but in his head, he was doing the right thing. Flash forward three years, he still loves you, he is genuine and wants nothing more than to make you happy. You find out about his family, he opens up about his mom, his childhood. He makes it known he will always love you and do anything to make you happy. He finds out you’re dating his brother, the one man he knows he can’t compete with, the one man who’s always had more than him. If I were him, I wouldn’t have told you either. Aaron is a self-conscious man with all the confidence in the world, which doesn’t make much sense, but if you know the man you know what I’m talking about. On the outside, he exudes confidence, but on the inside, he’s still a little boy, comparing himself to his brothers, his mom’s constant nagging about being like his brothers on repeat in his head.”
My mind is racing, Amanda’s thoughts connecting the dots I neglected to acknowledge.
“I don’t blame him for not telling you, and I can see why he didn’t. He didn’t want you comparing him to Trey. Without you knowing, you were comparing two men, but if he told you, then it would be comparing two brothers, and he’s had to deal with that his entire life, thanks to his mom. And you did exactly what he imagined. Rejected him immediately and turned to Trey to see if there is a better offer on the table for you there. My guess? Aaron assumed there was no use staying around, because you would choose Trey again over him. You did on Thanksgiving, and you did the other day. How much rejection does he need to take, Amelia?”
I push my hand through my hair, a light bulb switching on in my head. “Oh my God, Amanda, you’re right.”
“I know I am,” Amanda answers with confidence. “And when he saw how hurt you were, how upset you were, he probably believed that was it, the final nail in the coffin of your brittle relationship. He’s a broken man, Amelia, who loves you dearly. And that’s why he let you go because in his mind, he thinks you deserve more. I will tell you right now, that breaks my heart. For such a larger-than-life, gorgeous, and selfless man, years of unjust rejection and self-loathing have beaten him down to a small, fractured man on the inside. And that is a tragedy.”
I’ve been so blind. Everything Amanda is saying makes all the sense in the world, and I feel sick to my stomach. Aaron, sweet, passionate, insecure Aaron. I was so caught up in the past repeating itself I didn’t take time to see the situation from his eyes.
“I can see you’re trying to figure out what you want to do. I think this is a moment where you should channel your dad and use his mantra, Amelia. So what? Aaron loves you. Can you say so what to his faux pas?” Amanda waves her finger at my head. “Do you want him back? Do I need to get some cue cards so you can pull a Love Actually moment?” I don’t really deserve him.
“I don’t know.” I press my hand against my forehead trying to think. “I don’t even know where he is, if he’s okay or not. The last I saw him was when he took off with blood dripping down his face. What if he drove off into some ditch, I would have no idea.”
“Well, that seems like an exaggeration, so let’s not go there. Could he be at a friend’s house? Maybe it’s too hard for him to be around you. And, before you ask, you know what to do about Trey.” Unfortunately, I do and I’m immediately hit with dread.
“Tucker did stop by his house that night. He had a bag with him when he left Aaron’s house.”
“There you go. Aaron is clearly staying with Tucker. Now that we know he’s not in a ditch, I want to know, do you want him back?”
I slowly nod my head. “I think I can be angry all I want at him, but when it comes down to it, I will always be in love with him, and I don’t think that’s a feeling I can ever shake.” And he shouldn’t be alone anymore. He deserves to be loved and nurtured, even more than he has loved and nurtured me.
“Yeah. You were made for each other. You ground him, and he sets you free. And that man, with the broken soul, he needs your love, Amelia. He needs your love more than you need his. Your souls were meant to be together, to help each other heal, and to guide one another through this crazy world. I know you’re scared, but he’s terrified, terrified of losing the one thing he ever cared about. Be with him, Amelia. Take the leap, and be with him.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Aaron
“Well, don’t you look nice?” Mr. Buster scans me up and down while holding his clipboard to his chest, looking rather calm, given the play starts in an hour.
I shift uncomfortably in my dress shirt and khakis. “You did set a dress code.”
“It’s nice to not look like a slouch.” Pointing his pen at my face, he asks, “How did you get those black eyes again? Those weren’t on the dress code.”
“Two by four to the face,” I lie, not wanting to get into the drama of my life. My nose was definitely broken and since I’ve been staying with Tucker and Emma, she’s been on my ass about icing it constantly. She’s even threatened to make me wear a brace across my face at night but I drew the line there. I’ll ice, but there will be no face brace.