He’d been full of energy when he’d told me I deserved Bianca. His body had been vibrating with enthusiasm and sincerity. His hands moved animatedly, and his eyes practically glowed with intensity.
Now he was still and stoic. It was like stepping out of a hurricane and into an air-conditioned room. His body stopped moving, his expression shuttered, his eyes darkened, a wall falling in place and hiding his thoughts from me.
I preferred the hurricane.
Until he spoke. And then I realized he was protecting himself. He’d pulled back to ready himself against my reaction.
But what he should have done was warn me to do the same thing. If I thought his words of affirmation were shocking, I had no way to prepare myself for what came next.
“Like me,” he pitched gently and at the same time with so much weight and possibility that my knees nearly buckled beneath it. “Like us. We could do something together. Open something together.”
I tried to take a deep breath and failed. “Us? You want to open something with me? You’re serious?”
He must have seen something in my expression because his wariness turned soft and tender. His distance became a careful touch as if he were handling something so incredibly fragile and precious. “I’m serious. Modern American with flare. It’s not original, but our dishes would be. It wouldn’t be your own kitchen, per say. But you would have someone to share the burden with… the commitment.”
I tried to breathe deeply again. And failed again. “Killian…”
He wrapped his hand around mine, closing it into a fist. I hadn’t even realized I was reaching for him, that I’d perched on the edge of the stool readying to throw my arms around him. “Don’t answer now,” he said quickly. “Think about it. Take your time. I’m asking a lot.”
He had no idea what he was asking. It was so much more than a restaurant or business venture. He’d looked all the way down the road and decided he wanted me to take a chance with him. He’d promised commitment in either a relationship or partnership that extended into a potentially very messy future. “You want to open a restaurant with me?” My voice was small, delicate. Breakable.
His gaze held mine with bewitching clarity, a faint smile lifting the corners of his mouth. “Yes, Vera, I want to open a restaurant with you. I want to do a whole lot more than just open a restaurant with you, but we could start there. This thing between us is real. I’m not going to stand in the way.”
“How do you know?”
“What?”
“How do you know that it’s real? That we’re real? That you want to tie yourself to me in such a permanent way? What if we break up or end up hating each other? What if we end up hating each other because of the restaurant? This is a huge commitment, Killian. How do you know I’m the right person?”
His face relaxed, and so did his shoulders. He tightened his grip on my hand and slid to the edge of his stool too, so that our legs were slotted together and his body heat warmed my exposed skin, pulling goosebumps from my arms. “It’s here.” He put my hand flat against his chest. “You’re here.”
His heart thumped against my open palm. Fear strangled me. Panic clawed at my stomach and settled in my bones. “But what if I don’t stay there?”
He shook his head, a look of utter determination transforming his expression. “It’s not like that. You can’t just come and go as you please.” He tugged on his beard with his free hand and thought about it for a second before explaining. “It’s more like… like this. When I got to Jo’s and got to know Ezra, for the first time in my life I realized I didn’t have to be alone. I’d found my family. It was a poignant moment in my life that I can still picture to this day. I probably wouldn’t have picked them myself.” A playful smile danced across his mouth. “But once it happened, it was done. I can no more stop loving them than they can stop loving me. And when I found cooking. It was like this thing that just clicked. Or fastened. Or came together. I knew it was my calling. I’d found my purpose in life.” His green eyes glittered with truth. “And with you. I found you, and there was this tug to get to know you, to find out everything I could about you. I couldn’t ignore it. Hell, I didn’t want to ignore it. As soon as I opened the door, you became more. You were significant and important and right. You settled inside me like you were always meant to be there. I found you, Vera, because I was supposed to find you.” It was impossible to breathe at this point. This man, this brilliant, talented, gorgeous man had just poured out his heart to me, and I was going to die before I could respond because I’d stopped breathing. He continued. “At some point, we’ll fight. In the future, things might get difficult. I’m never going to be an easy person to get along with. But, Vera, on the other hand, we can fight for each other. Life will likely get difficult whether we’re together or not, so why not tackle it together? And I might be an asshole, but I’m an asshole that cares a very great deal for you. In fact, I might even love you.”
Basically it was impossible to breathe now. I had probably turned purple. “You what?”
His hands moved up my forearms, gripping for support. Whether it was for him or me, I didn’t know. “I love you, Vera. I do. I love you.”
My heart fluttered, jumped, and then threatened to climb into my head, taking control of my body. It was staging a military coup against my brain and my ability to think logical, rational, clear-thinking thoughts. And I was just so close to letting it. “I love you too.” The words were out of my mouth before I’d fully decided to say them. And there went my heart again, clapping… applauding… deciding right along with me that I did. I loved him. These feelings, so soul deep and life changing, were more than temporary or fleeting. They had been fought hard for. First by us as we struggled to make sense of each other. Then as we pushed beyond our pasts, beyond everything that had damaged and scarred us. Deciding I wanted to say it again, this time with clarity, I whispered, “I love you, Killian.”
Awe and joy and that same emotion, that confident love, shown from his eyes. “I love you. And I believe in you. I believe in us.”
Remembering his initial restaurant pitch, I asked, “You believe in us like as business partners?”
He slid closer to me, pressing his legs against mine, settling his hands on my hips. “Yeah, sure, business partners. I believe in us as business partners.” He dropped a kiss on my nose. “And other partners too.” Another kiss to the corner of my lips. Just beneath my ear, in that spot that drove me crazy. “Actually, any kind of partners. I think we make a good team.”
I laughed, because honestly, this man. “You think we make a good team?”