-Vera.
I read it over three more times before I hit send. I had tried to muster up the courage to call him several times over the last couple days, but I’d never been able to push the button. I had all these things to say to him, to yell at him. I wanted to eviscerate him with words and scar him with truth. For more than a year, I’d been mentally preparing the speech I’d give should I ever see him face-to-face again. And then when he’d inevitably shown up, I froze, paralyzed by fear and habit.
I had hoped disemboweling him over the phone would be easier. I’d sharpened my claws and practiced phrases like, “You made me fear, truly fear for the first time in my life. You were supposed to be the place I felt the safest, but you were my nightmare instead.” In the end, it was all for nothing. I couldn’t do it. Killian suggested I text him instead.
It had taken me another two days to work up the courage just to do that.
Since I didn’t want him to have my number, I used Vann’s phone. I hoped Derrek wouldn’t go after Vann like he would me. But I knew Vann wouldn’t put up with any kind of harassment.
I couldn’t say the same thing about me. We’d already established that I was a doormat.
Setting the phone down on the counter between us, I stared at it like it was alive and dangerous, like any second it would sprout arms with talon-tipped fingers and lunge for me.
“Did he reply?” Vann asked from his stool by the order window.
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“Maybe he won’t,” Vann suggested. “Maybe he finally clued in that you don’t want anything to do with him.”
“Maybe,” I agreed. “But not likely.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when it was happening? I would have moved your ass home the second you called.”
My stomach turned with familiar regret. I’d opened up to Vann earlier when I filled him in on Derrek’s surprise visit Saturday night. Vann had been as mad as I’d expected. He tried to convince me that he understood my silence. But I knew he didn’t. He didn’t understand why I’d never told anybody. And he didn’t understand why I’d stayed with Derrek for as long as I did.
That made two of us.
He turned his face back to the window, stewing with useless fury and frustration. There wasn’t anything he could do now, and that drove him crazy.
The weather had cooled significantly tonight, threatening a storm with heavy clouds blotting out the starry sky and the smell of rain perfuming the air. An occasional rumble of thunder and flash of lightning punctuated the building anticipation of a summer storm.
The promise of rain had emptied the plaza, making it a slow night even for a Thursday. I should have sent Vann home two hours ago, but I was too afraid to be alone again.
I couldn’t help scanning the plaza every time I turned around. I half-expected Derrek to show up again now that he knew where to find me. I had big doubts that a stern text message would be enough to keep him away. He wasn’t easily dissuaded.
“How was your date the other night?” I asked Vann, attempting to change the subject.
He shrugged, not changing his facial expression. “I don’t think I’ll see her again.”
“Did she call you on your bullshit?”
Looking down at his crossed ankles, he suppressed a smile. “You might have been right about nice girls.” At my huge grin, he amended, “Not in the traditional sense of being right. That’s not what I meant. I just mean, maybe you were on to something.”
I cupped my ear. “What’s that? What did you say? Did you want to tell me how I’m right all the time? And emotionally intuitive? And awesome?”
He laughed at my theatrics. “Yeah, sure. You’re all those things. And yet you have terrible taste in men. What’s that about?”
I let out a heavy sigh and checked my phone for the umpteenth time tonight. Speaking of men… Killian hadn’t texted all day. After enjoying a non-stop texting conversation since Sunday, I hadn’t heard from him at all today. He’d been radio-silent, and rationally I knew he was probably busy working. But irrationally, I compared today with the previous few days and how he’d found time to text me then but not now.
I’d only analyzed what I could have said to piss him off two hundred times today, but I’d concluded that it wasn’t me. He’d stopped by the truck yesterday afternoon, like he did every time I worked, and walked me to my car. There had even been some fantastic kisses against the driver’s side door and a promise for a date just as soon as we could figure out our dumb work schedules.
Then this morning? Nothing.
I’d texted him a question about spices just to get a reaction from him, but he’d been radio silent.
The floodlights outside Lilou flicked off, and staff started to pour out the side door. Closing time for them. Usually, I stayed open for another two hours, but there wasn’t any point tonight.
I watched the staff from Lilou walk to the parking lot, stripping out of their coats and bandanas as they went.
Nerves abruptly pricked at the back of my neck and forearms. I realized I’d been staying open, hoping to catch a glimpse of Killian. I’d been addicted to my phone today, hoping he’d text. I was becoming the girl that I hated. The girl I never wanted to be again.
“Let’s go,” I told Vann. “This isn’t worth staying open for.”
“You sure?”
I appreciated what a good sport he was, but now I was suddenly very anxious to get going. “Yeah, I’m sure. I just have to clean up a bit.”
He nodded and started going through the money.
It wouldn’t take long since we’d only had a minimum of customers tonight. A strong wind blew through the windows, rustling the papers and money, sending Vann scrambling after bills and order tickets. The menu sign hanging on the outside of the truck smacked against the siding and then lifted with the wind and slapped it again.
“Oh, geez.” I left Vann to deal with the money while I rushed outside to grab the sign before it damaged the siding.
A fat raindrop landed on my forehead just as soon as I stepped outside. Sliding the menu off its hook, I turned around and nearly ran into Wyatt.
He squinted against the wind whipping him in the face. “Hey.”
My hand landed on my frantically pounding heart, and I breathed in sharply through my nose. Apparently, I was terrified of Derrek showing up again if my reaction to Wyatt’s surprise visit was anything to go by. I tried to appear unruffled, though. “Hey, sorry. We’re closing. We want to get out of here before the rain gets bad.”
“Oh, no, that’s not why I’m here.” He glanced over his shoulder nervously, and I immediately knew something was up.
“What’s wrong?”
His lips pressed into a frown, and he played with his eyebrow ring nervously. “Have you talked to Killian today?”
“I haven’t heard from him since yesterday.”
He rubbed a hand over his face, pulling his bottom lip into a U. “You should talk to him,” Wyatt coaxed.