“I know,” he said and pressed his palms flat on the bar. “Maybe I need to stop searching for what isn’t there.”
Shit. Again. He was searching. Annie knew it just by looking at him. It was like someone knocked him in the head. Sense memory his ass. What he felt right now—had been feeling since he showed up at Brynn’s apartment—that was no memory.
It wasn’t jealousy or memories that triggered these feelings, not even the alcohol. All it took was one person calling him on what had been there all along, drawing it to the surface. Saying it out loud was enough to make what he felt for Brynn more real than anything he’d experienced in years. If he was going to be perfectly honest with himself—and really, the floodgates were open now—he’d never fallen for another woman like he had for Brynn all those years ago.
He tried to come up with reasons to lob at Annie, reasons why adult Jamie was still listening to the teen version of himself. He couldn’t come up with a single one. All these years he’d been protecting his heart, but the second he saw Brynn walk off with Spencer, he knew he was in trouble. The only thing he’d protected himself from was a chance at happiness.
It scared him. But, shit, Jamie wanted more than he’d let himself have. He figured the reason he hadn’t truly fallen for Liz, or anyone else in his adult life, was because on some level he knew his feelings were never as real as they were that night on Brynn’s couch. Real could be good—fucking terrifying, but good. That was the only explanation for what he decided. He should talk to Liz. She had a break at ten. Things were new enough with them that she’d understand. He shouldn’t be dating her if he was reacting like this.
Then he’d talk to Brynn, lay his cards on the table, because he couldn’t go another ten years pretending. And maybe she was pretending, too. Maybe all it would take was one of them manning up and putting it out there. After another shot of Jack—or seven—he’d have the balls to do it.
Annie shook her head, her short auburn bob brushing against her cheeks.
“Oh, it’s there, Jamie. Maybe you just need to make her see what I do.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
She leaned across the bar, pressing her palm to his chest.
“Show her what’s here,” Annie said, and he sucked in a breath, the sharp stab of rejection threatening to pierce him where her hand lay. He’d pushed Brynn away once. What if she pushed him away now?
He was over the dissolution of his family, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever recover if he lost Brynn. Could he risk it?
Annie looked down, nodding at the two shot glasses between them.
“You got something to put in there?” she asked.
He raised a brow. “Liquid courage?”
“Something like that.”
“If I let you in on my secret stash, are you going to keep dispensing relationship advice?”
Annie shrugged. “Depends. Do you want to be happy?”
Well, that was a fucking loaded question.
He reached under the bar and produced the bottle of whiskey.
“That’s quite the hiding place you’ve got back there,” Annie said. “Any other surprises?”
He shook his head. “You know all my secrets now.”
He poured them each a shot, and Annie held hers up to offer a toast.
“It’s cuz your poker face sucks. Bottoms up.”
Jamie laughed and threw back his shot. If that was the case, maybe it was time to come out of hiding.
Chapter Four
Brynn’s eyes moved in a circle, taking in her surroundings. Pods of people dotted the upper deck of the brewery. She sat on a stool at the bar, ensnared in a group of old girlfriends, each one oohing and aahing over another’s life milestones—new job, new husband, and, for a select few, new baby. She smiled and nodded, trying to ignore the disconnect between herself and people she considered friends years ago. Spencer stood nearby, his pod a little different than hers. Even though his book hadn’t launched yet, the crowd around him seemed to be fawning. Spencer was the center of attention. Actually, pretty much the same as in high school. The difference was that this time she wasn’t wondering if Spencer knew she existed let alone had a crush on him. Now, when her eye caught his, he smiled, and she raised her glass in response before taking a sip.