’ve never wanted 2 know someone 4 the rest of my life… “ want to know u 4 the rest of my life!” ’ve never hated to see anyone cry before… “ hate 2 see u cry!”… U are a child of God—an angel, and worship you! thank him 4 u—always!… didn’t meet u by chance. don’t live day 2 day. try 2 see the future. It gives me hope. ’ve never wanted 2 talk about babies. “ want 2 talk about babies with u!” If u frown at me—u will frown at your babies. Beautiful people are a dime a dozen. Flesh. don’t want 2 watch them grow old. “ want 2 watch you grow old.” It’s my destiny. have no choice. only have u. Minneapolis is my home. brought u here 2 live with me. This is your destiny. Until u choose otherwise. And u will have 2 leave me, because I will never leave you.
will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u. will never leave u.
As he repeats these words over and over on the last page of the letter, his perfect handwriting becomes larger and wilder, as if he’s trying to write in the middle of an earthquake.
Toward the end of our marriage, I kept that letter among the things I treasured most. I needed those words of commitment and passion from him, and he was no longer able to speak them. One day, I saw him walk over to a girl and shake her hand. And I knew.
Let’s just be straight up about it: he had a lot of women, and a few of them were very important to him. He had little respect for certain girls, but they had their role in his life, and they used him as much as he used them. Welcome to rock and roll. The thing is, he could make any girl feel like a princess—for a moment, anyway. A perk of his creative genius, I suppose.
Prince did have tremendous respect for the women with whom he collaborated. Creative chemistry is a powerful thing. Romantic relationships were bound to grow out of some of those collaborations, and I think it made him genuinely sad when those relationships didn’t end well. As for me, I was his wife and the mother of his child. What we had was unique, and I cherish it. I bear no other women in his life any ill will. I worship Sheila E; she’s a golden goddess. It never occurred to me to be jealous of Apollonia because when she had her brief relationship with Prince, I was just a little kid. My feelings about Manuela are more complex, but she’s apologized. I said to her, “If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else.” But the pain is there.
There was a post-apocalyptic moment right after Prince’s death when we were all kind to one another, but it didn’t take long for the side-eyes and not-so-subtle digs to pop up on Facebook and Twitter. I deliberately do not engage with any of that. I’d rather be like Michelle Obama: when they go low, I go high. I never wanted to be part of that mix back in the day, and I certainly don’t want to be part of it now. When I hear one of his old flames say, “I feel like his widow,” I’m sad for her, because in so many ways that matter, I feel like he’s still with me.
??seven
The last dress Madame Abla made for me before she died was a sheer coal-black gown with gold coins. Each coin was sewn on by hand and perfectly placed so they jingled with a soft, eerie music like distant wind chimes when I danced. When Prince saw it, he loved it so much, he had the wardrobe people call up Madame Abla. She sent them some extra coins, and they made a jacket for him in the exact same style. Usually when I arrived at work, I went in through the back, up the elevator, and through the kitchen to his office, so I was surprised when he told me to meet him in front of Paisley. I’d been feeling a little bummed because he hadn’t called me for a day or two. My heart turned over when I saw him open the door to give me a big hug, proudly wearing the jacket.
“Nice.” I jingled his sleeve.
He kissed me and said, “Yeah, I know. Some hot belly dancer was wearing a dress like this, so I had to have a matching jacket.”
Madame Abla’s dress can be seen in 3 Chains o’ Gold, an ambitious collection of music videos that come together in one film, directed by Randee St. Nicholas, Paris Patton, and Prince. The songs became the album, and the story about a great love affair between Prince and Egyptian Princess Mayte was spun off in a comic book. Woven through the film and its music are all the elements that occupied his mind in that moment: an enhanced form of storytelling that was operatic and held nothing back, the idea of one soul being born into the same circle again and again, his growing fascination with the sound and style of Egypt, and his growing fascination with me.