Jewel lay still near the wall. A black pool had formed around her; a shimmering river grew from her head, trickled to the stairs and into the courtyard. The Captain picked her up and tossed her in the wheelbarrow. The crowd dispersed and retreated into the dark.
Something round lay at the foot of the statue. Jewel’s fan.
I picked it up. It was painted on both sides, perhaps by Jewel herself. On one side, she had drawn a lady, her head drooping, gazing at a peony; on the other side another lady, her head raised, admiring the moon. I did not know why, but they reminded me of Jewel and me.
In truth, we were similar. Like two sides of a fan, we were at odds with each other, we competed with each other, but our fates similarly rested in the hands of the Emperor—the holder, the commander, the manipulator of our destinies.
And there was nothing we could do about it, because we were simply a whim in his mind, a fancy in his bed, an accessory beside his pillow, nothing more. We provided threads for his rapture but never the fabric of his happiness.
AD 643
the Seventeenth Year of Emperor Taizong’s Reign of Peaceful Prospect
SUMMER
30
I no longer needed to fear that Jewel would send me to the Yeting Court or set traps to ensnare me, and when I walked behind the Emperor, I did not need to glance sideways to look for Jewel’s catlike eyes, although I did so anyway. Soon, I was also given back my duty in the wardrobe chamber, where I was promoted to oversee the other five wardrobe maids and twenty-nine seamstresses.
The Noble Lady believed she could even promote me to the Lady-in-Waiting, the position Jewel had held. “I shall do my best to put in a good word for you in front of the Emperor,” she said.
After Jewel’s death, the Noble Lady was again the most powerful lady in the Inner Court. The Emperor restored her duty over the Imperial Silkworm Workshops. She received Jewel’s extravagant gowns, fur coats, and jewelry and was also in charge of dispensing with Jewel’s maids. When I became a Lady-in-Waiting, the Noble Lady said, we would rule the Inner Court together.
I was not sure, however. There was something in the dust of the victory that unsettled me. I dreamed of Jewel, her death, and the violence of it. When I woke, I rubbed my neck as if I could still feel the droplets of Jewel’s blood there.
Without telling anyone, I went to see Jewel when they buried her. I followed the two eunuchs who pushed the ox cart bearing her coffin as they took her to the cemetery for disgraced women. None of her maids came. I formed the entire funeral procession. When we arrived at a small mound near a grove of dead trees, I asked to open the pine coffin. Inside, Jewel curled awkwardly, her arms outstretched as if trying to hold on to the crown she had lost. Her cheeks were black and swollen, her hair matted with encrusted blood. One of her catlike eyes was frozen in stillness; the other was gone.
I did not recognize that woman. It was Jewel, but it could have been any of the disgraced women who had died in the past. Or it could have been me, in the future.
? ? ?
I did not speak to anyone of Jewel’s death and her funeral, but I thought of Pheasant more and more. He would have understood me. He would have understood how I felt. I missed him more than ever.
I went to look for him near the polo field. Standing under a mulberry tree, I remembered how I had stood at that exact spot two years before. He had found me, taken me to the tangerine grove, and started our adventure. Once again I was there under the trees, but he would not come for me again.
He was riding a black stallion on the polo field, his back straight and his strikes graceful. His shoulders were broad, and he had grown muscles like the heir. He was not yet eighteen, and already he looked like a man. In a year or two, he would perhaps be as imposing as the Crown Prince.
He paused on his horse and turned to face the tree where I hid. He was too far away to spot me, but was he at least thinking of me?
“He’s a man in many maidens’ dreams,” Jewel had said.
In my dreams, but not in my destiny. Why must it be so? Why could he not be my dream and my destiny?
I left in tears.
? ? ?
“I heard you went to the polo field,” the Noble Lady said to me, while we inspected the piles of Jewel’s gowns in her chamber.
“I was taking a walk.” I kept my head low.
“Shouldn’t you be busy preparing for tomorrow?” She examined the stitches on a sleeve. The next day was the annual hunting day. Every year, the Emperor hosted the hunting game in the Forbidden Park. Many ministers and imperial family members would come. “And I have been thinking this will be a good time to ask the Emperor about giving you Jewel’s title.”
I bowed. “I am grateful for your help, my Noble Lady.”
“You are doing well, Mei. Jewel is dead. The Pure Lady does not bother you. No other girl can compete with you. Soon, you will take over the title of Most Adored and you can have anything you wish. You must not ruin your chance.”
I wondered if she knew the true reason why I went to the polo field. My cheeks grew hot. “No, I won’t, my Noble Lady.”