She shook her head. “You have to. This is for the best.”
My heart heavy, I went behind her and rubbed her shoulders. Her back was hurting her in those days, and I had learned how to ease her pain. I held her shoulders with the strength I was born with, and I kneaded with all the misery and helplessness that bled from my heart. With my thumbs, I circled over her shoulder blades, the top of her shoulders, and then to her back. Under my fingertips, I felt her slack skin and hard bones—solid, resolute, comforting. Like love.
Then I knew. Nothing would ever separate us, be it palace or graveyard.
I eased the pressure and gently tapped her back with my fists. She relaxed and sighed in relief as she always did.
“The Palace Escorts will fetch you in one month. Then you’ll start a new life,” Mother said.
“A new life.” I nodded and looked around the courtyard, where cracked walls enclosed the small space. Before me, a pool of hogwash leaked under a bucket, and near the gate stood a broken spindle and a cooking pit built from mud. That place was not my home, but a reminder of what I had to do for my family—I had to help my mother and sister escape that terrible place, and I had to take care of them. It was possible, since I had been summoned to serve the Emperor. For if I won his favor, I could reclaim my family’s home and restore my family’s fortune. I could perhaps even fulfill Father’s wish for my destiny—to become the most powerful ruler in China.
I went around and knelt before her so I could have a better look at her, at the face that had always looked composed but was recently carved with grief and fear, the face of home, the face that I would die to protect. “Will you take good care of yourself, Mother?”
“I will,” she said, her calm eyes seeing through my soul, and gently, she pulled me closer to her. “Mei. You’re alone, you have no one to help you, and in your heart, you have too much metal and not enough water. Do you understand what kind of place the court is?”
I knew my words would not soothe her, so I said, “Mother, do you remember that Father used to teach me Sun Tzu? He once explained to me the difference between an ordinary fighter and a good fighter.” He had quoted the master’s words and told me to memorize them: “‘To lift a feather is no sign of great strength; to see the sun and moon is no sign of sharp sight; to hear the noise of thunder is no sign of a quick ear.’”
“Ah.” Mother nodded. “So you’ll learn to be a good fighter.”
“Oh no, Mother.” I smiled. “I will be a clever fighter, who not only wins, but also wins with ease.”
With that, I hugged her.
AD 639
the Thirteenth Year of Emperor Taizong’s Reign of Peaceful Prospect
AUTUMN
3
Two Palace Escorts in maroon capes came to fetch me on the fifteenth day of the ninth month. In my full court regalia, a skirt of pink peony paired with white trousers and a green top, I entered a carriage with a blue roof. Near it, Mother dabbed her face. She was alone now. Little Sister had passed away. The horses began to trot, and Mother called out softly, following me. The distance between us grew, and her figure, like a statue on the other side of an opaque silk screen, dwindled and slowly melted away, only her voice, faint but distinct, ringing in my ears.
I leaned back. I would see her again, and when I did, I would make sure she would be safe, happy, and have no fear or worries. I wiped away my tears. Inside, the carriage was dark. The Escort with a patch of purple birthmark covering half of his face, known as the Captain, had closed the window.
The ride seemed to go on forever. We coursed through Qing’s ward, where dogs barked and hens clucked. Then we entered the avenue and approached the clamorous outer walls of the Western Market, where people haggled and peddlers called, “Noodles, noodles! One copper a bowl. Fresh, handmade noodles!” Then we arrived at the quiet alleys, where some loud Taoist hymns drifted in the air. I did not know what they meant, nor was I interested. Taoism was the official religion in our kingdom, which the Emperor claimed was founded by his ancestor Lao Tzu. But I had not seen a single Taoist abbey in Wenshui; in the capital, they were everywhere.
The two Escorts’ voices came to me through the cracks of the carriage. I listened intently. I wished to know what they were talking about, but I could not hear them clearly above the rumbling of the wheels. I wanted to ask if they had picked up the other fourteen Selects the Emperor had summoned. Or should I say something memorable to them so they would have a good impression of me? I would like them to remember me. It would be useful to have friends in the palace.