Stanley takes a few paces before he responds. I wonder about that myself, he says. I remember I liked the way it looked, for one thing. The rest all looked sort of cheap. Either that, or like you were supposed to be in awe of how great they were. But something about ’em was fake. Your book looked like somebody made it. I liked that.
My publisher would be gratified to hear it, Welles says. Were he not in Mexico avoiding his creditors I would certainly pass your comment along. Let’s cross here.
When they reach the other sidewalk, Stanley speaks again. Something else, he says. When I opened up your book, I couldn’t follow hardly any of it. I couldn’t figure out what it was supposed to be, even. I could tell somebody worked on it really hard, and spent a lot of time on it. And that really got on my nerves. Because, okay—here’s this complicated thing that somebody made. And I come across it just by accident, in a pile of crap on some hoodlum’s floor. And I can’t understand any of it! It made me mad, to tell you the truth. I’m not saying I rescued it or anything. It didn’t seem like it gave a damn what happened to it, whether anybody read it or not. But every time I open it up, it makes me think of all the crazy stuff in this world that I don’t know nothing about. That I never even heard of. And I guess that’s a feeling that bothers me, Mister Welles.
Welles laughs softly: a smug, paternal chuckle that Stanley doesn’t like. You mind telling me what’s funny? Stanley says.
Welles shakes his head. Let’s bear to the right here, he says.
The sidewalk carries them off Windward onto Altair Place. Streetlamps are fewer, occluded by palmtrees and eucalypts. The shadows make Welles’s face harder to read. I’m not laughing at you, he says. I was surprised by your description of my book, that’s all. The reason you cite for your choosing to read it was very similar to my reason for wanting to write it in the first place. A fascination with what is unknown. More specifically with what is invisible. It took me several years and quite a number of drafts to recognize that impulse. Now it’s pleasing to hear you say it. Let me ask you another silly question. Do you like my book, Stanley?
Stanley can’t figure out why Welles would ask this. Then he can’t figure out how to answer. He’s aware of the silence measured by their footfalls, the grunts of the little dog. To tell you the truth, he says, I never thought of it that way. I don’t know what to say to that. I read it all the way through probably two hundred times. I think I could say the whole thing out loud to you right now, from memory. But do I like it?
They’ve come to a spot where the streetlamps’ glow falls unimpeded between trees. Stanley takes a moment to scan the weedy yards of the nearby cottages. They’re near the neighborhood where he and Claudio hid from the Dogs: it feels familiar.
I like it sometimes, Stanley says. I hate it sometimes. I don’t ever get bored with it. I guess I should probably tell you that I came all the way out here to see you, Mister Welles. I told you a minute ago I was just drifting, but that ain’t the truth. About the last thing I was doing was drifting. I had to leave New York City, for some reasons that I’m not gonna get into right now, and I decided right then to track you down. It took me a lot longer than I figured. I hope it don’t upset you that I’m telling you this, or make you want to stop talking to me.
Of course not, of course not, Welles says, but Stanley can feel discomfort radiate from him in the dark. He wonders whether he’s made a mistake by not playing it cool. Then he thinks: fuck it. His leg hurts. He’s tired of pussyfooting with this guy.
Welles is quiet for a while. His pipe has gone out. Altair Place merges into Cabrillo. About half the streetlamps on the blocks ahead are burnt-out or broken. At the edge of the dim circle cast by one of the survivors two large rats are fighting; the dog tenses and raises its ears at their inaudible shrieks and squeals.
I’m glad you came to see me, Welles says. I am worried that I’m going to disappoint you. It is difficult, but probably necessary, to remember that books always know more than their authors do. They are always wiser. This is strange to say, but it’s true. Once they are in the world, they develop their own peculiar ideas. To be quite honest, I haven’t revisited the poems in The Mirror Thief in more than a year. The last time I did, I couldn’t remember quite what I’d meant by much of it. A few lines have been mysterious to me since I wrote them. Let’s turn right on Navarre.