“There’s an outhouse in the back if you’re desperate and not afraid of dark places and spiders. Otherwise, the trowel is hanging by the door. Try not to get frostbite on your butt.”
Jack shot outside as soon as the door opened enough for him to shimmy through. She left the trowel but headed toward a thin copse on the left side of the cabin. How could she switch so easily from eviscerating Bennett with her probing questions to teasing? Fighting a smile, he scrubbed at the pot with a handful of snow.
She stood at the edge of the clearing, making no move toward the outhouse or the cover of the trees. He highlighted her in a beam of light. She turned away from the glare, rubbing her arms. Neither one of them had bothered with a coat.
He dropped the circle of light to her feet. “What’s wrong?”
“Seth said bears don’t hibernate; they go into torpor. That means one could be wandering around, right?”
“Unlikely.”
“Could you just … you know … come watch over me while I … do my business?” The request came out like every word had gone through a shredder.
“You’re worried a bear might eat you?” At her shrug, he dropped the chili pot, joined her, and pointed. “Head into the trees. Take the light. I’ll be right behind you.”
Even with the help of his flashlight, she struggled over the brush and rocks, falling once and catching herself on her hands and knees. Her boots were untied, with no socks. Every step must have been rubbing her blisters raw.
She stopped in the cover of trees. He kept a good six feet between them, turned his back, and propped his shoulder on the trunk of a pine. A cross between a cry and a frustrated curse came from her.
“You okay?” he asked without turning.
“My fingers are numb. I can’t get my pants unbuttoned.”
Even knowing it was a terrible idea, he took his hands out of his pockets and rubbed them together. “I can help.”
They closed the distance to each other. It was too dark to see her waistband, much less the button. “I need some light.”
She pointed the light toward her jeans and closed her eyes. “This makes the top ten list of my most embarrassing moments.”
“Peeing in your pants would be way worse.” He worked the button of her jeans open and then the zipper. Her panties were hot pink and low cut. He shouldn’t have noticed, much less stared like he was doing with his hands still on the waistband of her pants, but damn, her panties were in the spotlight. He let go and she stumbled backward.
Resuming his position against the tree, he took a deep breath. Woodsmoke was thick in the air, the smell pleasant. Snowflakes fell, and Jack jumped and played like a puppy.
An oof and unladylike curse had Bennett half-turning toward her.
“No, don’t look. I just lost my balance and landed my bare ass in the snow. You boys have it so much easier when it comes to relieving yourself in the woods.” The light bounced around, and she materialized at his elbow.
She’d gotten her pants up but not rebuttoned. An offer to help her almost shot out. Instead, he said, “I’ll walk you back to the door and finish cleaning.”
She shuffled next to him, her shivers noticeable. “Thanks for the escort,” she whispered before ducking back inside. The blast of warmth was like a siren’s call. But he was nothing if not disciplined and returned to finish what he’d started.
After using the snow and leaves to scrub the pot clean, he stepped back inside to defrost, Jack on his heels. Harper wasn’t by the fire as he expected, and his gaze bounced around the room, landing on a lump under the quilt on the bed. Not even the top of her head was visible. Was she asleep?
As quietly as possible, he put the pan away and fingered her jeans, now hanging over the back of the chair toward the fire, wet splotches darkening the fabric.
He sat and pulled his boots off. Jack circled the hearth a few times before curling up on the warm bricks. Bennett glanced over at the bed again as he squirmed in the upright wooden chair. He’d slept in worse conditions, but not for a long time now. Crossing his arms, he closed his eyes and let his chin sink toward his chest.
He startled to full wakefulness in a snap, his ears reverberating, not sure where he was or what had happened. His mind was still trapped in an old dream where he was eleven.
He blinked, his surroundings coming into sharp focus. The fire had burned to red coals. Kneeling next to Jack, he threw wood on the fire and stirred the coals. A flame licked up the back of the wood, casting light over the cabin.
“Bennett?” Harper was sitting up, watching him, her voice sleep roughened. “It’s f-freezing in here.”
“I’m getting the fire going again.”
“Why don’t you lay down over here? Isn’t sharing body heat an important survival lesson?”
His gaze went from the bed to the chair and back again. His neck was stiff and he didn’t relish spending another minute on the hard seat. Shivering, he shuffled toward the bed, his stomach jostling. It had nothing to do with there being an attractive, funny woman in pink panties under the covers.
The bed was an odd size. Roomy for one, but not quite comfortable for two. His plan was to lie down on top of the covers until she lifted them for him. The welcome was too much for him to deny. He slipped underneath, her warmth like a mini-generator.
“You’re an ice cube,” she said.
“Sorry.”
She gave a husky laugh. “Noah used to tell me the best way to share body heat was to get naked.”
Lightning passed through his body, an image frozen in his mind’s eye. The two of them in bed for entirely different reasons than to share body heat.
She inhaled sharply, her body tensing. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know.” If only circumstances were different then … Their paths would have never crossed. The only things binding them were shared memories of her dead husband, his best friend. He forced his muscles to loosen. “As a matter of fact, it’s both a great pickup line and true. One time, Noah and I—” He cut himself off, but it was too late. He’d invited Noah’s ghost to sit and stay a spell.
“You what?”
The fire had fully caught and cast a glow around the room. She popped up on her elbow. Her hair was out of the ponytail she’d worn all day and his hand itched to touch the tendrils that waved over her shoulder.
“We got separated from the team and had to spend a night in a cave in the Afghani hills. I’ve never been so damn cold in my life.”
“Did you two get naked?” The hint of tease in her voice surprised him.
Thinking or talking about Noah even all these years later brought a rush of guilt and pain. But a different realization joined the crippling emotions. Between training and deployments, Bennett had spent months at a time with Noah. Maybe even more time than Harper had with him in their too-brief marriage. The answers she sought were too costly for Bennett, but he could give her other memories.
“Not naked, but I’m not ashamed to admit we spooned.” Even as cold and miserable and sleepless as the night had been, Noah had managed to crack a couple of jokes. Bennett was smiling before he realized it and forced a frown.
“He was always so upbeat and optimistic, wasn’t he?” No pain hid in the fondness in her voice.
“It’s what got him through, I think.”
“Got him through what?”
“Training. Deployments. Dealing with the shit we had to deal with on a daily basis over there.” The years in foster care had killed any optimism Bennett had been born with. “He had an easier time than some readjusting to life back home.”
“Why did I never meet you when the team was stateside? You never came to cookouts or Super Bowl parties or baby showers. Why not?”
“I don’t know.” Except he did know.
A big part of why he stayed away was because of her and his inappropriate attachment. But another reason had been his own inadequacies. Being around his buddies’ families had been a stark reminder of how lonely his life was. No family left. No serious girlfriend. No friends, outside the SEALs. He’d often thought how easy his death would have been to handle. No one for the chaplain to visit. No one back home to mourn him.