The word daughter felt like a slap. What conscience I had left in me recoiled. I hid it as quickly as I could and must’ve done it well because Liam kept speaking.
“By the time I was able to look for her . . . We’d had problems. I didn’t think she was in any sort of danger or anything . . . only that she took off. I couldn’t locate her. I didn’t know it was over between us. At least, not as soon as she did. So, when I couldn’t contact her, I came back to our home, but she was gone. I went on a wild goose chase trying to find her and Trisha.”
“Trisha?” I said her name deliberately, like a test of myself. Like when a tooth hurts and you keep checking it to see if it’s still tender. “Did you find them?”
“The police found her first. Her car had washed away in a flash flood. They found Sheryl downstream. They never found Trisha. The child seat and some toys were in the car, but they don’t think she was strapped in. Never found.” He was staring at the empty wrapper, crumpled in his hand, as if it might have answers.
Who had answers? I did.
I pressed my lips firmly closed, tightening my jaw muscles, clamping my mouth shut.
“It was a long time ago,” he said. He lifted his gaze and stared at me. “I’m sorry. I said too much. I didn’t mean to go on. As I said, it was a long time ago.”
I nodded. Still not able to speak. The words couldn’t form; I refused them. Let him think I was overwhelmed with sympathy at his sad story. Let him believe I was a better person than I was.
He stood in one movement. “I’d better get to it. Roger contracted with me to do these posts. I hope you’ll like them. I’d rather not discuss the ideas, though. When I try to put my ideas into words, sometimes they evaporate. Better to let the wood guide me and trust the cosmos.”
His remark shook my jaw loose. “The cosmos?”
“Sure.” He grinned, but ruefully. “Our better angels. God. Eternity and infinity. Where ideas come from. You feel it, too. I know you do. When you’re working with your clay?”
I nodded again. “I do. I’m sure I’ll be delighted with whatever you carve.”
With a grin, he said, “I hope so.”
The timing was right to walk away. I stood, gathered my trash, brushed the seat of my jeans, and went inside. In the house, with the dim light and the smell of fresh-cut wood mixing with that of nature and the swaying pines outside, it felt otherworldly. Like a blank slate. A page not yet written on in which all things were yet possible and no wrongs had been done. I wished I could live in it this way—at least until the cold arrived. Winter would come in its time. Rain would fall and blow in through the open spaces. Raccoons and squirrels would come and go at will. Half-done, the house might feel special at the moment, but it wouldn’t do in the long term. Would the same happen in my head? With my conscience?
I turned around and saw Liam running his hands along the post. He might get splinters. All actions yielded a result, right? Sometimes we got lucky. Maybe he would.
Hopefully he knew what he was doing, since I’d have to live with what he carved.
Sooner or later, my choices would yield results that couldn’t be hidden or ignored, and my position would become untenable. Was this denouement something I could control? By driving it? By altering the current path to avoid an outcome I didn’t want?
It was up to me. It was my information and my choice. It was inevitable that my decisions would impact people. Likewise, I’d been the recipient of impacts from the decisions others made.
They had their paths to follow, as I had mine.
A day later, I dropped by the jobsite and discovered Ellen and her friend, Bonnie, hanging out on the porch. They weren’t alone. Liam was there.
I stared, trying to take in everything and determine what was happening. Liam was older than the girls by almost thirty years, I estimated, but he’d kept much of his good looks. And that hair of his, longish and curly, lent him a certain quality . . . something that hinted of danger and tragedy. Unworldly, romantically charged teen girls might find that intriguing.
Graduation was close now. These kids were all heady with it, high on life. It was exciting for them but scary for a mom.
Clearly, the girls had been chatting with him for a while. Bonnie’s car was parked nearby. Bonnie was shifting her position with a movement that reminded me of a model’s hip thrust and then leaning against the wall in a languid sort of pose. Liam seemed not to notice but was listening to something Ellen was saying. Ellen was seated on the edge of the porch, her legs dangling. I saw nothing in her posture to worry me, but their direct communication certainly did. Liam was dividing his attention between the conversation with Ellen and his woodwork.
Ellen saw I’d arrived. She lost her relaxed slouch and tensed. What did that indicate? A guilty conscience? She said something to Bonnie, and they waved at me.
As I reached the porch, I asked, “What’s going on?”
“I wanted to show Bonnie the house. You don’t mind, right?”
“What about school?”
“We had an early release today. Did you forget?”
“I did forget.” I looked at her face closely, then at Bonnie, and decided it was all good. “It was fine to show Bonnie.” I turned to Liam. “I apologize for the distraction. I presume they introduced themselves?”
He grinned, and I knew he was reading my mind. He knew what I was really asking.
“No problem. They’re nice young ladies. They were interested in the carving.”
“I’m sure. Thanks.” I said to the girls, “Time to move on. Did you see what you wanted?”
It was probably my fault for phrasing it that way, but Bonnie giggled. Ellen elbowed her. I tried to keep my facial expression neutral.
“Come on, girls. Let’s get out of his way.” I gestured toward the cars. “Ellen, why don’t you come with me? Didn’t you have some shopping to do?”
Bonnie moved to her car but didn’t get in right away. Ellen came close to me.
“Mom, can’t Bonnie and I go together? I think I made you angry, but I don’t know why.”
“Yes, you can go with Bonnie, but listen carefully. I’m serious about this. Neither of you is to come out here without me present. Understand?”
“We didn’t do anything wrong.”
“That’s not the point. This puts Liam in an awkward position, especially if—never mind what. Just know it isn’t fair to put a man who’s only trying to earn a living into a position where someone else could see you out here with him and suggest something inappropriate is going on.”
“That’s crazy, Mom.”
I cut my eyes over to Bonnie, then back to Ellen. “Are you sure?”
Ellen pressed her lips together and looked down at the ground. She shrugged, then shook her head. “No. I guess I see what you mean.”
“And that includes you. Promise?”
She nodded.
“Serious promise?”
“Yes. I promise.”
“What do you promise?”
“Mom, please. I promise not to come out here without you. Is that good enough?”
“It’s perfect. Thank you. You can take care of that shopping now. Use my card. But be home in time for supper.”