Because it wasn’t worth the risk. She was worth it, absolutely. But me? I wasn’t.
It sucked to actually have zero belief in myself, but what if I hurt her? What if, in this situation, I was her Jerry, my sister’s husband? The guy she settles for, only to pine for someone else ten years down the road?
“Ian?” Tears pooled in her eyes.
“Go.” I stepped back. “Your boyfriend’s waiting for you.”
“My boyfriend’s standing in front of me.”
“Not anymore,” I whispered, taking one last lingering look at those lips, those eyes. I had to look away. “Be happy.”
“Are you?”
“Am I what?” My head snapped to attention. David was only five feet away from us now, and gaining.
“Happy?”
“Does it matter?” I asked while David snaked his arm around Blake and tried pulling her in for a kiss.
“To me, yes.”
“Ian!” David held out his free hand. “Good to see you, man.”
I stared at his hand, then blankly met his gaze, blatantly ignoring his supposed offer of friendship, because all he was doing was trying to give me the winner’s shake. The one that said, Oh hey, sorry you lost, you pathetic bastard, but here’s a participation medal for all your trouble. No hard feelings, right? Oh, PS—did you teach her that arch thing in bed? Thanks, man. Thanks a lot.
“Hell,” I said under my breath and faked the best smile I could muster. “See you guys later. And David?”
Unbelievable. He was still smirking. “Yeah?”
“Treat her well.”
“Oh.” His eyes lowered as he kissed the top of her head. “I already did . . . last night.”
Blake’s eyes widened.
And before I knew what was happening, I was launching myself across the mat and pummeling his face with my fist.
Repeatedly.
“Ian,” Blake shouted as strong arms wrapped around my chest and jerked me away from David’s body on the floor. I tried to go after him again.
“Dude.” DJ gripped me harder. “Let it go, man. Just let it go.”
“You bastard!” I yelled. “Disrespect her like that again and I’ll kill you!”
David sneered through bloodstained teeth. “I was kidding.” He patted his already-bruising nose. “Geez, man, take a joke.”
A joke? Who joked about having sex with a girl in front of her? Guilt gnawed at my chest, because really, how many times had I done the exact same thing?
“Ian,” Blake called after me.
I couldn’t even look at her.
With a curse, I left the weight room amidst the crowd watching with horrified curiosity.
“Ian!” Blake reached me and grabbed my arm. “It’s not what you think.”
“Tell me.” I didn’t even recognize my own voice anymore. “Was it before or after?”
“What?” She looked confused.
“You told Lex you loved me—was it before or after you screwed him?”
“Never!” Blake shoved me. “Are you serious right now? How does it go from kissing to sex?”
“I don’t know. You tell me. I basically walked you through the steps, Blake.”
“Unbelievable!” She shoved me harder. “I tell you I love you, and not only do you push me toward him but you accuse me of sleeping with him too?”
“It’s not like you didn’t want it, I’m sure,” I muttered.
A stinging sensation knifed through my cheek as her hand went flying across my face.
“We done?” I asked, sidestepping her.
“So. Done.” She jogged back into the weight room, and I continued my walk of shame all the way to my car.
Funny, a few weeks ago what just happened would have been the perfect setup to get the guy to finally notice the girl. Hell, even I couldn’t have written such a good ending.
The only problem?
It wasn’t fiction.
It wasn’t a setup.
It was life.
Whoever said “if you love something, you let it go” clearly had never been in love before. Yet that’s exactly what I was doing.
Letting her go.
To the better man.
Which, for the first time in my life, I realized . . . wasn’t me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
“Ian? Are you even listening to me? We kissed. It was amazing . . .”
Hell, even if it was the worst kiss of her life, it would have still been amazing, because when you’re in love or when you really like someone, you can damn near justify anything.
Well, of course he had coffee breath. He works at Starbucks! Duh, he drinks coffee!
Silly Ian. Oh, no, he meant to hit my teeth!
He said he’d been pining for me for years. Years! Can you stand it?
No, I really can’t. Please stop talking.
Or my personal favorite: He said more spit makes things better, because a dry mouth can kill you during oral. I swear.
Right, and balls fall off if you don’t have sex before forty.
No, really. Look it up.
“Ian!” Vivian snapped her fingers in front of me. “After the kiss, how do I still keep him interested?”