“Will said you wrote him after. Letting him know you got it. But I guess he was hoping for something more.”
A pointed edge to her last words. Erik closed his eyes and took hold of what he owned. “Yeah. See, I was extremely busy being an asshole, so I just sent the bare minimum.”
“And what neighborhood of Asshole City are you calling me from tonight?”
“I’m up in Brockport.”
“I see. Me, I… Well, I guess if you read the article and heard the thing on the radio, you know what I’m doing.”
“It all sounded fantastic. And I loved the picture of Will and Lucky and their kids. Two?”
“Two and number three on the way. Will sneezes and Lucky’s knocked up.”
Which seemed the perfect point to bail out of the chit-chat. “Dais?”
“Yes?”
“How would you feel about me coming to see you?”
A clink of silverware on china. “Well,” she said, “I’m going back to Canada tomorrow.”
He smiled. “I didn’t mean tomorrow.”
“When did you mean then?” she said coolly.
“Whenever it’s convenient for me to come out and talk to you and have your undivided attention and—”
“You had my undivided attention for years, Fish. You were the one who disconnected everything.”
He bit his lips. “You’re right. I should’ve said I would give you my undivided attention. Finally.”
“What makes you think I want it? Finally?”
“This was a bad idea,” he whispered.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Fish,” she said sharply. “This was a really good idea. All right? It was a superb idea but it’s going to be a shitty conversation. You can’t call me out of the blue after twelve years of nothing, pick up where we left off and have it just be…just be fine. You can’t.”
“I know.”
“I did a terrible thing to you,” she said. “I never denied it and I still don’t. But you cut me off without even… You just walked out and never gave me a… Oh, Jesus Christ.” She wasn’t crying but her whole voice seemed to collapse in on itself. “I just came downstairs for some pie and all of a sudden it’s today.”
He could barely push words through his constricted throat. “What do you mean, today?”
“Today. The day you call. You think I haven’t been waiting? I haven’t been pining my life away but if you think there isn’t a part of my heart still wondering if today is going to be the day, you’re out of your freakin’ mind, Fish.” She sighed heavily. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m a little out of my own mind and like an idiot, I quit smoking a year ago.”
“I’m sorry, I caught you off guard,” he said. “Honestly, Dais, I was calling your mother. I didn’t imagine you’d answer the phone.”
“You think about someday, you prepare mentally for someday. But someday is never today. And now it is.”
“I know.”
“I’ve imagined this call for twelve years. Now you’re on the phone and I’m completely at a loss. I’ve forgotten all my lines.”
“When you imagined this,” he said. “What did you have me saying?”
Another heavy sigh, like a small windstorm in his ear.
“Maybe we shouldn’t jump right into it,” he said quickly.
“Well for fuck’s sake, I don’t think you called me for my chili recipe. You want to jump into small talk? Really? How’s the weather up there? You watch the game today—how about them Broncos, huh?”
He laughed.
“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll jump immediately into it because you could disappear again.”
“I won’t.”
“Oh, won’t you? You’re really good at it.”