“You okay?” Gwen looks at me with concern in her big blue eyes. I hate how much they remind me of Stone. I can hardly look at her without thinking of him. It’s not a reminder I like because each time it nicks away at my heart. No matter how many times I try to push past my feelings for Stone, I know I’m just lying to myself. Just when I think they’re gone, one small thing sends them all flooding back. I figure if I keep lying to myself enough, maybe I’ll start to believe it.
Gwen always seems to have that look on her face with me. I know she cares, but lately it’s making me feel a little pathetic. If anyone should be asking how someone is doing, it’s me to her. She just found her mate and is already expecting two little girl pups.
Gwen invited Ruby and me over to hang out and catch up. Dominic, Ruby’s mate, tagged along, and X is here as well. With both Gwen and Ruby expecting babies, their mates never seem to be far from them. The male shifters tend to hover over their mates during pregnancy. I wonder if my mate will do that. What am I saying? I don’t even know if bears mate.
“Yeah, just kind of sad. I still can’t remember anything. And I’ve been all over the place today,” I admit to her. I feel like my hormones are going crazy. Maybe it’s because my only two friends are both pregnant and it’s giving me an itch myself. Seeing them so in love and happy makes me ache for the same.
Being a bear in a town full of wolves, I have no idea if mating is different for us. But lately I’ve been trying to find out. For the longest time I tried to remember the life I had before I came to be a part of the Gray Ridge pack. But after a while I just let it go, thinking that one day it might come back to me. It hasn’t yet, and it’s been almost four years.
Now I’m back to pushing myself to remember and I still keep coming up with nothing. Even being close to Gwen, I still don’t feel like I belong, and I’ve been tossing around the idea of leaving the pack. To go where, I have no idea. College? Maybe. Something has to give because I feel like I could crack. I’m starting to think I might feel more accepted in the human world. It’s not like I even shift anymore. I haven’t since Stone found me.
“You’ll know when it happens. You’ll feel it,” Gwen tells me, reaching out to hold my hand. I know she’s talking about coming of age. Since I don’t know anything about before I came to Gray Ridge, my age has always just been estimated.
Gwen seems to think I’ll be like a wolf and won’t find my mate until I’m eighteen. Whether that’s true or not, no one really seems to know. What’s even weirder is when I talk to Stone about finding out about bears mating, he gets all awkward.
Awkward is not a word I would have ever thought I’d use for Stone, but it’s what he does. Hell, I’m awkward about it, too, but my need to know pushes me past that, so I keep asking him. He keeps giving me the brush off, and it’s hard to ask a man you have a giant crush on when you can finally get the sex on.
“From what Dominic says, you feel it when it happens,” Ruby chimes in softly, smiling at me. I really like Ruby. She seems to fit with me more than anyone else. She has wild red hair and a curvy body like I do. All the shifters around here are tall and lean. I kind of stick out, but since Ruby is human she doesn’t carry their traits, so we kind of have that in common, too. Well, except for what her mate Dominic gave her during mating.
Like me, Ruby is an outsider who was invited into the pack. I feel like she gets me a little better than most, but if you ask me she still seems to fit better than I do.
“Yeah. You’re right. I’m just super emotional today. I keep crying. Sorry,” I tell them both, trying to give the best smile I can. I don’t want this to turn into a pity party. I came here to have a good time, to get my mind off things, and mostly to get away from my stepsisters. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was pregnant,” I joke about my tears, making everyone laugh.
“Tell me about it. The last time I was this crazy with hormones I was—” Gwen pauses for a moment as if a thought hits her. “Winnie, you don’t think—”
She’s cut off by the front door bursting open, making me jump to my feet, to reveal Stone standing in the doorway.
Xavier and Dominic are in front of us in under a second, both half-shifted as if ready to fight.
Stone stands there, breathing hard and looking like he just ran a hundred miles. He’s nearly rabid as he looks past X and Dom, glaring at me. His snarl echoes through the room, making my heart thunder in my chest. I don’t feel fear, though. No, it’s something else. Then one word leaves his lips.