The Lonely Hearts Hotel

“You’d be surprised. Romantic love is a mirage. It was created by the devil—and like most of his creations, it is very short-lived.”

“I understand. You know I’m always grateful when you share your life philosophy with me. And it is an interesting theory. Nonetheless, I would like to have Rose’s address. We’re both eighteen years old, and there’s no harm in giving me her address. Even if she doesn’t want to see me again, at least she can tell me that, and I’ll be fine with it. It’s just that we never got to say good-bye to one another. It gives me a feeling of loose ends.”

“Do you think I would give you her address so you can disturb her? You idiot. Don’t you realize how many years it’s been? She’s married. She has three sons. I don’t know very much about her husband, but I understand that he’s very brutal.”

“I never came to visit her because I was so frightened that she was angry with me.”

“How stupid. How weak. You should have been much more courageous, don’t you think?”

“Yes.”

“Why would she like you? You’re a pervert. You seduced me. You ruined my life. You were the one who started all that filth between us. You’re going to hell. I’ll never forgive you. I told her about us.”

“You did? Why? You said we were never going to tell anyone. What did she say?”

“She wept like a baby and then said she never wanted to see your stinking face again. She was very thankful not to have been led into temptation.”

And then Sister Elo?se walked away, satisfied that she had thrown water on that squalid little passion once and for all. Pierrot hurled the flowers on the ground. He yelled out once, facing the city, his back to the orphanage. He stood there for a moment, waiting to see whether his shout would have any effect at all, whether it would cause the city to topple down. It did not. He got in his car and quietly drove off, convinced only of his own cowardice.

? ? ?

IT WAS TRUE what Sister Elo?se had said. He was a pervert. He was grotesque. He was only good for dirty thoughts. He hated himself.

As he drove home, he spotted a group of girls, each wearing a beige beret, which made them look like a cluster of mushrooms. He stopped in front of them and invited them to climb into the car with him. He thought that he might make love to every single one of them. They all giggled and yakked at the top of their lungs. They were having a swell and dangerous time, until they heard a honking behind them.

A police officer pulled them over. He couldn’t quite believe there were so many girls in the car. He had no idea how they could have fit in there.

The police officer watched the girls as they scrambled out. They all seemed to be in a state of disarray. As though they had been crammed in at funny angles. As if they were clothes that had been packed in a trunk and now they were straightening themselves back out. The officer couldn’t make out their entire bodies. It was like they were a box of doll parts that had gotten all mixed up. There was a shoe with a buckle. There was a bum in pink underwear, flashed for a brief second. There was a knee like a peeled apple waiting to be bitten into. There was a skinny arm, with fingers that were all stretched out toward heaven. There were a bunch of bouncing yellow curls.

Pierrot thought they looked like a beautiful, exquisite beast with a hundred limbs that could take you into its myriad arms and make love to you. Pierrot sighed. What in the world would it take to make him happy now?





16


    ROSE SMOKES CIGARS



Before she turned eighteen, Rose rarely saw McMahon. He was always at work. He had some sort of massive club downtown that did really well. He never let his wife or his kids come to the restaurant because he kept those parts of his life separate.

Everything she knew about him she learned from the other governesses at the park. She shooed the children away to hear more. “Leave me alone, children. I just want to talk to people my age. I will tell you a story about a seagull that swallowed an umbrella and then spent the rest of its life as a swan.”

“Oh, oh, oh, oh! Tell it to us now!” the children cried.

“No, I need half an hour alone.”

But the children remained within earshot, so the governesses really couldn’t go into any sort of scandalous detail.

“C’est un propriétaire de bo?te de nuit. He runs the Roxy downtown.”

“That big nightclub! I would just love to see the acts they put on there. I can’t wait to be old enough to go down and see all the shows. I think that I could be onstage.”

“Pour vrai! Do you have any talent?”

“Lots. I was a famous performer when I was a little girl. I went from living room to living room.”

“Can you sing?”

“No, I can’t carry a tune. I mean, I know how to make a tune sound funny.”

“Can you tap-dance?”

“No, not really. I’ve never taken a lesson. Do you think it’s possible to tap-dance without ever having had a lesson?”

“Noooo!” they all said at once.

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