I don’t know what in the world came over me. I’m a clown! You know that. I am going to stay with a peculiar gentleman so that I can play him piano to soothe a certain pain that seems to be plaguing him. Please write to me at this address to say that you have forgiven me. And I will write you piles of love letters. And, of course, we will be reunited soon.
“I’d hurry up if I were you. Before the man changes his mind,” the Mother Superior said.
As he was leaving with his coat, his enormous scarf and his empty suitcase, Pierrot passed in front of Sister Elo?se. She thought he was going to tell her how painful it was to part from her. Instead he walked right by. She took his hand, and he pulled it from her with a small shudder, indiscernible to anyone but Sister Elo?se. Knowing that he was leaving made him feel bold. He stopped in front of the Mother Superior, who was standing at the door a few feet away from Elo?se, and handed her the letter, not caring that she was witnessing the interaction.
“Will you tell Rose that I love her and that I will be coming back for her?” Pierrot asked the Mother Superior. “And that I will most definitely marry her once I have found my fortune.”
Soon after Pierrot left the building, Sister Elo?se stole the letter off the Mother’s Superior’s desk and ripped it up into a hundred pieces and threw it in the trash. It lay at the bottom of the basket like butterflies that had died during a sudden frost.
? ? ?
AS HE EXITED THE GREAT DOOR of the orphanage, Pierrot felt guilty about leaving, especially since he hadn’t seen Rose for weeks. He knew that it was all his own fault. He could have done something to make the old man hate him. He could have explained to the man that he was a degenerate, and then he surely would have left Pierrot behind! But the truth was he wanted to go. Living with Sister Elo?se had become intolerable for him. Here was a chance to exist without her breathing into his ear ever again. Yet he was betraying Rose, wasn’t he? If he stayed, he would eventually convince her that he wasn’t a lout. Even if she continued to despise him, wasn’t it his duty as a lover to remain and accept that acrimony? But the truth was he saw an opportunity and he was taking it and he was leaving her behind. As he walked down the street next to the chauffeur, who was collecting him, he noticed that the black cat was following him. The cat was making him feel so awful.
“Don’t leave me in this terrible building. Who will put out a little bit of milk if you don’t? I’ll starve! I’ll starve!
“Who will snap my fleas? I will itch to death. They will eat me alive. One morning I will wake up and I’ll be nothing but a bone.
“Who will say one nice word to me? Everyone will be accusing me of bringing them bad luck. It will just be so untrue. They will throw rocks at me. They’ll pour boiling water on me. They’ll swing me by my tail. My life isn’t worth living without you. You owe me something. You owe me something!”
Maybe that was what the ones you loved did to you: they made you feel lousy. Pierrot tossed his suitcase in the trunk and hurried into the back of the car. It wasn’t only Rose he was abandoning, was it? It was all the children. He used to entertain them and make them laugh. They depended on him for this. But he was going anyway!
10
IN WHICH ROSE IS INSTRUCTED OF HER NEW FATE
Two weeks later, Rose was better and ready to go back to the dormitory. She took off her hospital gown and pulled her black tights up under her dress. She walked down the corridor, whose walls were painted blue. There were stone flowers carved above the arched windows. She walked through the wide-open doors of the common room. It was raining outside and all the children, chatting and playing with dolls, turned to look at Rose. They looked apprehensive: Rose wasn’t aware that Pierrot had left.
Sister Elo?se marched over quickly to tell her that Pierrot was gone and there would be no more touring for her. She wasn’t really much of an act on her own, was she? This struck Rose like a small bolt of lightning. She might as well have been Rip Van Winkle. She had been in the infirmary bed for a hundred years, only to find that everything about the world that was familiar and dear to her had irretrievably disappeared. But Rose stared at Elo?se, refusing to let her know that this upset her. She nodded and walked off, hoping her legs weren’t making her body shake.