Finally, I relax from my defensive stance. He can’t get in. I’m safe in here, for now.
I’m consumed with self-hatred. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for his tricks again. Even knowing what he’s like, even after he chased me across my ship, I still fell for his lies and charisma – like his taste in books and music would be enough to prove that he’s really a good person.
I scrub a hand through my hair and straighten my shoulders. I need to fix my mistakes.
Even if I’m not alone on the ship, I still have an advantage. He can’t get in here. I’m safer than I would have been on The Infinity.
I’m going to have to leave this room eventually, to get more food and water. This is only a temporary respite, but I have some time to think.
What does he want from me? Is he just torturing me for fun, twisting me around his little finger? Does he like seeing how easily he can persuade me to forgive him?
If I went to him, would he kill me, or would he keep turning good and bad, making me love him and hate him over and over for the sake of it?
I have no idea. I can’t understand what he’s trying to do. What kind of person thinks like him?
HOURS SINCE THE ETERNITY CAUGHT UP:
39
I pace the room, trying to focus despite my panic. When my eyes fall on the helm, a plan of action begins to form. J probably never intended for me to come on board his ship, so anything I find here is the truth. It’s not buried beneath layers of lies and manipulation.
I must be able to use that. I can work out who he really is. I can find a weakness somewhere in the hard drive of his ship’s computer. He has to have some flaws that I can use against him. It’s my only hope.
When the computer wakes up, there’s a page open on the screen showing my emails and fanfics. Sentences are highlighted, with comments added in the margins.
It’s his notes, his study of me.
“You’re OK,” he said, his voice a low, calming murmur in her ear. “Relax.”
She’d never felt so relieved. The tension in her stomach, which had been building in a tight coil since she’d realized she was in danger, dissolved into nothing.
With Jayden, she was safe.
Jayden is calm in a crisis and reassures Lyra a lot. Need to be confident so that R trusts I know best, but also confess some weaknesses to make me seem more trustworthy. Confide emotionally in R to achieve this.
Bring up food/cookery again – she likes that.
She doesn’t like discussing her mum at all – stick to dad. Something must have happened when they died. Maybe NASA doesn’t know the full story? Not an oxygen tank explosion at all?
Unable to bear it, I minimize the page. There’s a new message in his inbox. It’s from…
Molly.
Just the sight of her name makes me want to cry. I’ve been so caught up in everything happening with J that I’d completely forgotten to think about her.
Molly. My Molly.
He lied again, then. If Molly is still emailing him, the UPR can’t exist. He made them up, just as I suspected.
Even worse, her message is addressed to me. J must have intercepted the signal and blocked it, so it couldn’t get to me. Molly never really abandoned me after all.
Trembling, I open the audio message. When Molly’s gentle voice starts speaking – so familiar even after all this time – I let out a sob. I can’t stop the tears that fall long after the message has finished playing.
From: NASA Earth Sent: 05/03/2066
To: The Infinity Received: 05/12/2067
Attachment: EarthII-sim.zip [8 GB]
Audio transcript: Hi Romy, I hope you’re having a good day! It snowed here yesterday, and Nino is having such fun discovering snowflakes for the first time. He keeps trying to eat them!
I’m attaching an updated version of the Earth II simulation, which will let you practise the landing protocols for the larger combined vessel of The Eternity and The Infinity. It also includes better graphics, and training exercises for some of the new pieces of agricultural equipment.
I’ve been testing it for you, and it’s really fun – I think you’ll enjoy it! I’m jealous that you get to play the whole thing.
Talk to you tomorrow, sweetie.
My heart hurts.
Molly has been sending me audio messages all this time. There are hundreds of messages, one for every single day since The Eternity launched and J started blocking them from reaching me. It feels like a punch in the gut.
Molly has no idea what J has been doing to me for the last year. She doesn’t know about any of the ways he’s been tormenting and torturing me. She thinks I’m perfectly happy.
I scroll through the pages of messages from Molly in the inbox, addressed to both J and I. Then I check the sent emails, to find out what J has been saying to NASA in reply.
From: The Eternity Sent: 05/12/2067
To: NASA Earth Predicted date of receipt: 15/09/2069
Dear Dr Molly Simmons,
We are afraid to report that the laser transmitter on The Infinity is still broken. Below is Commander Silvers’ latest message to NASA Earth, as received on The Eternity via The Infinity’s short-distance radio transmitter.
We are working with Commander Silvers to advise her on the best method of fixing the long-distance laser transmitter, and seem to be making good progress. Hopefully the problem will soon be fixed and she will be able to return to regular communication methods.
Hoping all is well on Earth,
Commander Shoreditch and Pilot Evans
Attached message reads:
From: The Infinity Sent: 05/12/2067
To: NASA Earth Predicted date of receipt: 15/09/2069
Hi Molly!
I wish I could play in the snow with Nino. That sounds so cool!
Thank you for the software. I’ve already tested it and it’s brilliant.
Jeremy, Isaac and I are working hard to fix the transmitter here on The Infinity. I really hope we get it working soon – I miss talking to you properly!
Love, Romy
It sounds just like me. For months and months, J has been telling Molly lie after lie, pretending to be me. And who is Isaac – is he “Pilot Evans”? I’ve never heard J mention another person being on board The Eternity, but “pilot” implies there is a second in command. The ship must have launched with two crew members. So where is Isaac Evans now?
Has … has J done something to him?
Oh God. I hope Isaac is OK.
I make myself listen to more of Molly’s messages. The sound of her voice is like a hug, even with the obvious concern and worry in everything she says. I’ve missed her so much.
I wish I could email Molly and ask for help. I wish there was a way she could save me and make J go away for ever. But there isn’t. I’m on my own.
I close down the emails. I’m not going to find anything else useful there, just bad memories.
I run my shaking hands through my hair and let out a frustrated yell. I deserve so much better than this. I deserve so much better than him. He destroys everything he touches, but I can’t – let – him – destroy – me.