“Why does anything have to be going on?”
“C’mon, Auggie, it’s not like you to be like this. Out with it.”
She sat down and looked out over the horizon. “Liane came by to see me today,” she said, her voice as far away as the view she was looking upon.
“Yes, I saw her pulling out as I came in. Seems a bit meek, if you ask me.”
“Meek?” She practically snarled in my direction. “Well, Mr. LaViere, what you see as meek is actually nice in normal people terms.”
“Woah, Auggie! Where is this coming from?”
She kicked the concrete with her boot. “Damn, I’m just tired of all this LaViere quarreling, Worth. Do you realize that in all the time I’ve known you, there’s always one LaViere or another mad or getting revenge against another? Don’t you people ever just settle back and appreciate each other?”
I decided to let her wear herself out with this. It wasn’t as if I had a very good argument, anyway. She was factually correct although I don’t think she totally understood the dynamics of why we fought. It was more about control and domination than anything else. It obliterated anything that came close to love. That’s when the realization hit me...
We don’t know how to love. Jesus! Why didn’t that become apparent to me before?
I was a highly educated psychologist, and yet this innate disability had never occurred to me. Perhaps it was because of my training that I’d never acknowledged it? This gave me pause for thought while Auggie and I both sat quietly in contemplation.
Finally, I broke it. “So, just exactly what are you saying?”
“I’d like you to hear me out, Worth.”
I kicked off my shoes and settled back. “Go ahead.”
“From the first day I met you, all those years ago when Mother sent me to your clinic to be “analyzed,” I’ve always thought there was something intrinsically wrong with me. Perhaps it was my mother’s influence or perhaps just because I was rebelling. It didn’t matter. Where she left off, you picked up, pushing my buttons and causing me to react in whatever manner best suited your opinion of how I should feel about things.”
I picked up on the word “causing” and the blame she laid at other’s feet. But I didn’t interrupt. I stayed quiet. Tried to be a husband, not a psychologist.
“When I thought things were wrong between you and your father, I couldn’t say a word. I had to support you. When I thought you handled things badly with Linc, even though he was my brother as much as yours, his name was LaViere, so that made him hands off. Then when Ford was no longer a little boy and his temper began to exhibit itself, I backed off and let you handle it. I figured you were the shrink, the expert, so what did I know? What I didn’t take into consideration was that I had perspective that was unique. I was, next to you, the most involved person and yet I relinquished my power, my judgement, in favor of yours. That was wrong. Wrong of me to allow it and wrong of you to take it.”
“Auggie, I had no idea—”
She lifted a finger. “You said you would hear me out.”
I nodded and swept my hand out in permission.
“So, here we are. We’ve not been with our eldest son for the majority of his life, and he hates us for it. He doesn’t feel included; thinks we don’t love him. Liane told me as much today. I do love him. But you know what? I’m not sure you do.”
I jerked upright at this accusation but kept my peace. What could I say? I’d just been thinking the same thing only moments ago.
She knew she’d stabbed me but continued on. “Your entire family have all been more focused on competing with one another than you have loving one another. You call yourself a therapist, but I think this is one of those occasions where they say, ‘physician heal thyself.’ You can’t sit there and tell me you did everything you could have for our son. You could have gone to Mexico at some point and made sure everything was okay. You’ve got connections, why didn’t you use them? God knows you have money, yet our own flesh and blood was living in a place where he got beat up and maimed because he was white and looked prosperous, although he didn’t have a dollar he could call his own in his pocket. You call that looking out for your child?”
I opened my mouth, but she held that finger up again, her green eyes daring me to interrupt. I sat back and took a deep breath.
“I know I’m just as guilty as you are. The only difference is that I’m accepting the blame now, and I’m determined to make this better. I’m admitting I screwed up, that I’m fallible and selfish, and I looked for the clean, easy way out of that mess. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. And why? To protect him? Hardly. You could have had him moved to a private facility where he wouldn’t have had to deal with the general population.”
I could hold my tongue no longer. “I put him where I thought he needed to be, Auggie. He was out of control. He needed to understand that behavior like that has consequences.”
“So, you sent a child to Mexico? Oh, yeah, that was teaching him. You took a young boy who was drugged out of his mind by your doctor friends and put him in the middle of squalor in a country where he couldn’t even speak the language. And who did you put in charge of his welfare? A kind, gentle man with no more street smarts than Hawk! Surely to god even you aren’t so shallow that you can’t see that?”
I looked away. Too much of what she was saying was hitting the mark.
“I was culpable too. I let you do it. But, no… I was a LaViere by marriage only. I didn’t exercise my right as his own mother. Sure, I hid behind the twins. I did it. And look at the good I’ve done for them. Do you think they don’t have your blood? Or mine from my mother? You don’t think we’ve only seen the beginning of what they are destined to become?”
I shifted in my chair and frowned darkly.
“Worth, this is coming to an end. Today. We have three children, not two. Even though one is a grown man, he needs us just as much. Even more, perhaps. I’m done making excuses and covering up the lies. From all appearances, Hawk has grown up to be a fine man. Judging by that young lady who left here a short time ago, she holds him in pretty high regard, and she seems to know what she’s talking about. Hawk doesn’t feel like he’s one of us and that’s going to change as of now!”
“Are you done?”
She looked surprised. “You always want the last word, don’t you?”
I said nothing, just stared at her for long moments. Then simply stood up, walked out of the house, and drove away.