I wasn’t certain where we were, but it was a remote, rural area of southern Indiana. Not a single vehicle had passed us the entire time, so I thought this was as good a place as any to spend the night. Carlos went back to his trailer temporarily, and I into mine. I laid the seat flat and covered up with my jacket.
I had never known such a sad, lonely feeling as I did that night. It was as if all the grief I’d ever felt throughout my life settled on my shoulders at the same time and weighed me down so heavily, I could barely breathe. I cried hard, hard tears… so hard that my chest ached afterwards. How could Worth abandon me like this? I really thought he loved me and would not let his father drive a wedge between us, but apparently I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.
All the plans I had envisioned — the house, sleeping with Worth each and every night, our children playing in the yard and taking their first riding lessons — it was all gone now. It was just Carlos and me and the open road.
There was a tapping noise that awakened me and I was startled at first. I opened my eyes and it took me a moment to orient myself. There was a police officer standing next to the vehicle.
I rolled down the window. “Good morning,” I said sleepily.
“Miss,” he acknowledged and tipped his hat. “May I see your driver’s license and registration, please?” he asked. I fumbled in my purse for my wallet and found the registration in the glove box.
“Here you are.”
“Where are you headed?” he asked and I began to cry again. “I don’t know,” I wailed.
“Ma’am, why don’t you step out of the car a moment,” he said, opening the door handle as I unlocked it.
“Am I in trouble?” I asked, tears streaming. “I’m sorry… it was the storm last night. The trailer was all over the road and I thought it would be safer to find somewhere to park and this place looked deserted and I only meant to stay a couple of hours and then I fell asleep…” I rambled on and on, and he tipped back his hat.
“Ms. Langford,” he said, looking at my license. “Are you in trouble?”
I blinked. “Well, that’s what I asked you.”
“You shouldn’t be parked here without permission of the owner but there haven’t been any complaints filed and its private property so I don’t have jurisdiction. What I mean to ask is whether there is something wrong? You seem pretty out of sorts.”
“I broke up with my fiancé and I’m leaving town,” I offered by way of explanation and he nodded.
“Sure you shouldn’t maybe turn around and head back? Maybe you two can work it out and you’ll be a whole lot safer than draggin’ that horse behind you.”
“No, no… I’ll be fine. I know horses, officer. Carlos has been mine for some time. I’ll head west, I guess,” I finished lamely.
“Well, if you’re set on that, I suggest that you move on now and pull over at a motel where you can walk the horse a bit and get yourself some decent sleep. Things always look better after a good night’s sleep.” He handed back my ID.
“Yes, sir, I’ll move on now,” I said and climbed back into the Escalade. I smiled and nodded at him as I circled around and pulled back onto the highway.
I drove maybe twenty-five miles before I came to a small town that had a large city parking lot. I guess some building had to be torn down and they had nothing better to do with it. I pulled in and saw a country restaurant across the street. I stepped into the trailer long enough to make sure Carlos had something to eat and drink and then I grabbed my bag and headed for the restaurant.
They were having a special, it seemed. The sign, however, was years old so I guess it was more of a permanent special. It read, “Two eggs n’ bacon $2.99” and that sounded fine to me so I ordered it.
I wandered to the paper rack by the door and bought a Louisville Courier Journal. My heart ached as I realized what I was leaving behind. Louisville was the only place I’d ever called home. I paged through the paper, looking at ads and the marriage announcements and finally came across an ad for Worth’s clinic. This took the bottom out from under me. I slammed the paper shut and with resolve, finished my breakfast and left.
I drove west for three days, sleeping in the reclining seat of the Escalade and finding places in the country where I could walk Carlos and even ride him a bit in the most rural areas. I could never leave him. He and I had been through so much together. He was like family.
I only made one phone call and it was from a phone booth in a gas station along the way. I called Todd Green and got his voicemail, which was exactly what I’d hoped for. I left him a message. “Todd, this is Auggie. I’m okay and doing what I need to do. If anyone reports me missing, refer them to Dad. I’m not running away. I’m looking for someone.”
Once I hit Missouri and crossed the Mississippi River, I knew I was in a different part of the world. Gone were the fields of bluegrass. Gone were the friendly people and the horse farms where I knew I could find refuge if I needed to. I headed for Kansas City. At least I knew there were ranches there… somewhere.
I found myself eventually in Colorado, in a small town called Creede. It was only just awakening from the winter and preparing for the influx of tourists who came each summer. Names from western lore peppered its past: Bat Masterson, Calamity Jane and the man who shot Jesse James in the back of the head as he hung a portrait. It suited me perfectly. I’d always felt an attachment to the West and remembered watching old black and white westerns on the television in the family room. I always loved anything that had to do with horses, naturally.
Outside of town, I found a ranch where Carlos could board and not far away was a row of run-down apartments that seemed to suit my mood. They were called Creede Row and although they rented by the week, I paid in advance for a month. I’d temporarily had my fill of designer furniture and glitter for the sake of public opinion. On the kick of budget living, I found a Dollar General Store and bought myself some bedding, which I rolled up in on the motel bed at night. I’d also bought some sneakers and jeans with cotton, button-up blouses. That was when I found the western store and added to my wardrobe, including a suede hat.