It was more than she could take. Overcome by the feeling that she was stuck in a nightmare or horror movie, she rushed out of the room, shut the door, and made her way across the divided attic. After going through the second door, she scurried through the maze of dusty books and boxes and shelves toward the hidden staircase, panic growing in her mind. What if the little door at the bottom of the steps was closed and locked? What if she was stuck up there forever? The idea was absurd, but when she saw the dim light glowing through the opening in the floor that led to the stairway, a flood of relief washed through her. The door at the bottom of the steps was open. With one hand against the gritty wall for support and the other gripping the flashlight, she went down the steps, which somehow seemed steeper and narrower than before. At the bottom, she closed and locked the door, fully aware there was no reason to lock it, at the same time a small, frightened part of her imagined her sister still living in the attic, sneaking out the door in the middle of the night. And after all those years alone up there, she had to be insane. It was a crazy, ridiculous notion, but then again, she never thought she’d find a hidden bedroom in the attic of her childhood home. Without bothering to roll down the tapestry or return the claw-foot table to its original place, she left the little room and hurried downstairs to the first floor.
In her father’s den, she picked up his journal off the desk and flipped to the first page with trembling fingers. The entry marking the death of her sister was 1940—Julia had been two years old. She sank into the chair, her mind racing and her insides churning. While her sister had been locked in the attic, she’d been downstairs playing with toys, laughing, and taking naps, oblivious to the horrors being committed a few floors up. There were no rats in the walls of Blackwood Manor. Just a little girl hidden in the attic.
It was horrible and inconceivable and unreal.
CHAPTER 29
LILLY
At half past midnight the day after Pepper killed Merrick, Lilly and Cole crept out of their sleeper car, suitcases in hand, Phoebe sound asleep in a cloth sling against Cole’s chest, unaware her parents were leading her into an uncertain future. The night was still and humid, and a half-moon cast a bluish glow over the train and ground and trees, emitting just enough light for them to see where they were going. Cole had a lantern in his backpack but didn’t dare use it until they were far enough away not to be caught.
Earlier, they had talked for hours about what saving Pepper would mean for the three of them and decided that, despite the risks of starting over with nothing but their clothes and a little money, they wouldn’t be able to live with themselves if they stood by and did nothing. Cole hoped they’d find a new circus willing to take them in, along with a free, albeit “rogue,” bull. Because where else would an albino, a lifelong circus performer, and an elephant have any sort of chance at starting over? If that plan didn’t work, he wasn’t sure what they would do. But Lilly insisted they try.
After the decision was made, they asked Hank over to their car to say good-bye. He agreed they had to save Pepper and wanted to go with them, but Cole refused in case they got caught. Hank understood and made them promise to find a way to let him know where they landed, and if they were safe. He took Phoebe in his lap and kissed her cheeks until she got tired and wanted her mother. Lilly hugged him and Cole promised they’d see each other again, and if a spot for an experienced bull man opened up in their next digs, he’d send word. By the time Hank left, they were all in tears.
Now, Lilly followed Cole along the train, fear and adrenaline roaring through her veins, a fine sheen of nervous sweat on her forehead. She felt like she was about to jump out of her skin. If they got caught or escaped, who knew what would happen. When they reached the elephant car, Cole stopped, shoulders hunched, and held up a hand. Lilly came to a halt behind him and waited while he slowly slid open the stock car door, cringing with every metal rasp and scrape. When it was finally open all the way, Cole acted as a lookout and she climbed inside, crept across the aisle, and crouched beside Pepper, praying she’d be able to get the brokenhearted, injured bull up and out of the car without too much noise. Pepper lay on her side in the straw, streaks of dried tears on her wrinkled face. Lilly ran a gentle hand down her giant ear and Pepper opened her eyes and lifted her head. Her long trunk unfurled like a fern leaf and reached for Lilly’s arm.
“Up,” Lilly whispered. “Get up, girl.”
Pepper groaned and struggled to her feet. Flossie and Petunia craned their necks to see what was going on, snuffling and snorting when they saw Lilly. She went over and rubbed their trunks, whispering that they should go back to sleep. The elephants sighed, low and rumbling, and put their trunks back down. Lilly unlocked the chain around Pepper’s leg, wrapped it around Pepper’s ankle, and secured it in place. Then she started toward the door, hoping the great beast would be willing and able to get out of the car without using the ramp. Otherwise, it would take too long and make too much noise. Pepper followed her out of the stall and Lilly climbed out of the stock car.
In the open doorway, Pepper hesitated, no doubt confused and in pain. Lilly quietly begged her to come down, rubbing her plate-sized feet and telling her it would be okay. Pepper swayed back and forth, unsure. Cole watched with a worried face, and Lilly felt panic rising in her chest. If they had to use the ramp, they’d get caught for sure. Then, at last, Pepper stepped out of the car, her great gray heft shuddering when her front foot hit the ground. She grumbled deep in her throat, but kept coming, her rear end high in the air, her front feet on the ground. For a heart-stopping second, Lilly thought she might fall out of the door. If she got hurt, they’d be done for. Then, finally, Pepper managed to pull one of her back legs out and bring the other one down too, and Lilly could breathe again.
Once Pepper was free of the car and standing on all fours, Cole slowly slid the door shut and they started walking toward the end of the train. Pepper lumbered behind Lilly, stopping when she stopped, slowing when she slowed. Together, they took a wide berth around Mr. Barlow’s car and the caboose, then followed the tracks away from The Barlow Brothers’ Circus. The only things Lilly could hear were the blood rushing through her veins and the anxious thud of her heart. She turned every once in a while to make sure Pepper was still behind them. In the weak moonlight, the bull’s silhouette swayed side to side, the dark wings of her ears slowly fanning forward and back, her mighty legs plodding along the tracks like the limbs of a prehistoric creature.
When Lilly felt sure they had escaped undiscovered, she unclenched her jaw and her heartbeat slowed. She hooked her arm through Cole’s and leaned against his shoulder as they walked along the railroad ties, nearly limp with relief. Phoebe was still sound asleep in the sling, her little blond head bobbing against Cole’s chest in time with his strides. Neither Lilly nor Cole spoke, each lost in their own thoughts and fears about the future. The only thing they knew for sure was they were headed west, toward a town named Waverly, where rumor had it The Sparks World Circus was being cannibalized by Ringling. If the three of them didn’t get picked up by Ringling, at least they’d have better luck finding a new circus with the remnants of Sparks World than they would on their own. Lilly had already imagined a new act with Pepper, one that included Cole and Phoebe, and now she rehearsed it in her mind to calm her nerves.
Then she saw the silhouette of someone on the tracks, and she came to a halt. Cole took another step, then stopped too. The person was quite large, with an unusually big head and broad shoulders, and he was coming toward them.
It was Viktor.
Cole pulled Lilly off the tracks toward a line of trees.