He groaned in pain and loosened his grip, then slapped her across the face and shoved her backward with an angry grunt. She landed hard on her back and scrambled to her knees, trying to crawl away. But before she could get her feet beneath her and run, he grabbed her ankles, dragged her backward, flipped her over, and held her down.
“Let me go!” she screamed, pushing against his chest. She swung at his head, her small fists colliding with his rock-hard jaw, his muscular neck, his granite temples. He grabbed her flailing arms with one rough hand and pinned them above her head, his face red with exertion. She bucked and twisted and tried to bring her knee into his crotch again but couldn’t lift her legs beneath him. He ripped open the front of the silk gown as if it were paper and tore off her underwear. Then he undid his pants and forced himself between her legs.
“You don’t tell me what to do,” he said. “I tell you. You belong to me, remember?”
She thrashed beneath him, using every ounce of strength she had left to try and push him off. But it was no use. His full weight, nearly twice hers, pinned her to the ground like a moth beneath a rock. She could barely breathe. She turned her head and closed her eyes, then felt herself going somewhere else, like a dropped coin spiraling to the bottom of a lake. Away from this, away from him, away from what he was doing to her. She saw a black hole and felt herself falling in. Deep in the center of her soul, a diminutive, secret place split wide open. It was the only part of her she’d managed to keep hidden and protected, even while people stared and made fun of her in the freak show. Now, without any warning, it was exposed and vulnerable, lingering for just a moment, like a trailing wisp of black smoke, and then it was gone. She let out a high, keen shriek, like the long, final wail of a dying animal, until she tasted blood at the back of her throat.
Suddenly, Merrick stopped and stared down at her as if he had no idea who she was, his shocked face that of a man suddenly exorcised of a demon. Then, with a hard, low grunt of surprise and pain, his head jerked to the left and he fell to one side, his body limp. Behind him, Cole stood with a bull hook in his hands, his face contorted with rage.
He dropped the bull hook and knelt beside her. “Are you all right?” he said.
Lilly gathered her torn gown over her trembling legs, rolled on her side, and curled into a fetal position, fighting the urge to jump up, grab the bull hook, and bash in Merrick’s head. The newly dead space at the center of her soul began to shift and change. Then it shriveled, closed, hardened, and turned to stone.
Cole scooped her off the ground and carried her out of the tent. “You’re going to be okay,” he said. “I’ve got you.”
She leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes, her teeth chattering.
He kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry, Lilly. I never should have let you go through with it. I should have protected you.” His voice sounded strangled, as if he had to force the words out. “I hope I killed the bastard.”
She looked up at him. “No, don’t say that. Mr. Barlow will have you red-lighted.”
“I don’t care.”
Neither of them spoke again as he carried her through the back lot. Above the ghostly roofline of the big top, above the yellow and orange flags and colored lights, a smattering of stars twinkled in the evening sky. The circus was starting to close down and the jovial finale music floated out into the night. Laughter and shouts sounded in the distance as the rubes started toward the exit, happily making last-minute stops at the sideshows and concession stands before returning to the normal world.
When Cole and Lilly reached the train, he passed her car and kept going.
“Where are you taking me?” she said.
“You’re staying with me from now on. You’re done with Merrick and that damn sideshow.”
CHAPTER 22
JULIA After Julia told Claude and Fletcher no more foals would be taken from their mothers at Blackwood Manor Horse Farm, she took a glass of brandy into her father’s den to resume her search for the missing key and clues about her dead sister. She wiped the dust off the record player, turned it on, and put the needle at the beginning of “Little White Lies.” When the tinny, old-timey music filled the room, she stood there, frozen. Suddenly she was a little girl again, hearing her father’s curses and cries between the lyrics, Mother’s voice telling her to get away from the den doors. She knew if she turned around, she would see her father at his desk, his hand wrapped around a whisky-filled tumbler, his dark-ringed eyes wet with tears. She switched off the record player, took a swig of brandy, and turned around. The desk chair was empty.
After another long sip of brandy, she sat at the desk and ran her fingers beneath the middle drawer to see if the key was taped to the wood. It wasn’t. She got on her hands and knees and looked beneath the desk. Cobwebs hung from the wooden legs and dust bunnies tumbled away from her breath. There was no key. She reached into dusty vases and searched beneath anniversary clocks and trophies. She took horse pictures and certificates down from the walls and looked behind the frames. She rolled up the edges of the rugs, lifted lamps, felt below windowsills, and tested floorboards to see if any were loose. Nothing. Feeling defeated, she sat back down at the desk and tried to think, her hands tented beneath her chin. If I wanted to hide a key, she wondered, where would I put it? Nothing came to her.
She sighed and reached for her high school photograph. She still couldn’t believe her father had it, let alone kept it on his desk. Upon closer examination, she noticed the photo had shifted downward the tiniest bit, exposing the top edge of what looked like another picture behind it. She turned the frame over and, using her fingernail, bent open the metal points used to hold the mat in place, then took out the mat and a thin piece of cardboard between it and the picture. As suspected, there was another photo behind the first. It took her a few seconds to realize who it was, but when she did, her eyes went wide.