The Life She Was Given

“That’s nice,” she said. “I look forward to seeing them.”

Claude briefly dropped his eyes and scuffed his boot on the step. When he looked up again, something that looked like worry, or maybe it was fear, gathered behind his eyes. “You planning on redoing the place? Selling the horses or land, anything like that?”

Julia shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t had time to think that far ahead yet.”

He forced a quick smile. “Okay. Just curious, is all.”

“Maybe we can get together in the next day or two and you can start going over everything with me.”

He nodded.

“Thank you for getting the groceries,” she said. “And thanks for staying on and taking care of the horses. I’m sure you’ve done a wonderful job.”

Claude seemed embarrassed by the compliment. He ducked his head and nodded once. “All right. As long as you’re settled in, I’ll be getting back home then. The keys to everything are in that drawer over there.” He pointed at the cupboard next to the stove. “Including the key to the Buick in the garage.”

“I’m afraid the car won’t do me much good,” she said. “I don’t have a driver’s license. Mother didn’t allow that either.”

“Oh,” Claude said. He hesitated, his expression slack. “Well, if you need to go into town for something, let me know and I’ll give you a ride.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“All right, then. Just give me a holler if you need anything else. Have a good night.” He gave her a two-fingered salute, clomped down the steps, and started across the yard.

“I will,” she said. “Night.”

After Claude left, she berated herself for not asking him how to turn up the furnace. How could she be so dumb? She looked out the window toward the barn to see if he was close enough to come back, but he was getting in his truck. By the time she put on a coat and hat and ran after him, he’d be gone. Then she remembered the fireplace in the living room. Right now she was cold, hungry, exhausted, and overwhelmed. There would be plenty of time to figure everything out tomorrow, including how to turn up the furnace. She took eggs and milk out of the refrigerator and made scrambled eggs and toast, ate them standing at the island, then went into the living room to start a fire.

A stack of old wood sat next to the fireplace, bugs and cobwebs filling the cracks and crevices of the brittle bark. After she got the fire going, she took off her shoes and curled up on the couch. The cushions sank low where she sat, and the silence of the house rang in her ears. It was going to be a long night.





CHAPTER 7


LILLY

After seeing her reflection for the very first time in the mirror above the vanity in the dressing tent, Lilly sat on the ground, her head spinning and her stomach queasy. All this time, she thought she was a monster. All this time, her parents had been lying to her. All this time, she had been locked in the attic for no reason. She pushed herself up on wobbly legs and brushed the grass from her dress, the world a blur through her tears.

“You okay?” Glory asked her.

Lilly nodded.

“Come on,” Glory said. “Let’s go over to the cookhouse and get some breakfast. That’ll help you feel better. You must be half-starved.”

Lilly didn’t think she could eat anything, but she followed Glory out of the tent and across the midway. She thought about turning around and running away, but where would she go? Home? No one wanted her there. To the nearest town? Merrick and Leon said she wasn’t wanted there either, unless someone was waiting to pickle her brains and put them on display. There was nowhere to go.

Walking beside Glory past rows of concession stands and circus wagons, she tried not to think about what might happen next. It was hard enough putting one foot in front of the other. On the other side of a row of wagons, three elephants stood with their heads down, their back legs chained to stakes in the ground. A man in bib overalls and a boy in a newsboy cap stood beside one of the elephants, studying something in the grass. Whatever they were looking at was gray and round, like a big rock. The man leaned against a long stick and the boy bent over at the waist, his hands on his knees, smiling. Then the boy sat on the ground and the rock moved. It got to its feet, shook its little ears, and flopped its small trunk up and down. It was a baby elephant.

Lilly slowed, unable to pull her eyes away. The boy laughed and the man rubbed the big elephant’s leg, stroking its thick hide back and forth. The boy ran a hand down the baby elephant’s forehead and along its trunk. The baby put its front feet on the boy’s shoulder, then dropped to its knees and lay on its side like a big dog in the boy’s lap, curling its head into his legs. Lilly couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The boy laughed harder and scratched the baby’s belly with both hands. Then he looked up at the man, who had caught sight of Glory and Lilly, and followed his gaze, grinning. To Lilly’s surprise, he waved.

She dropped her eyes and walked faster. Had she been staring? Was she supposed to wave back? He looked a little older than her, but she had never seen another child, let alone a boy playing with a baby elephant. She didn’t know what to do. What did he think when he saw her? Did he notice the color of her skin, or was he too far away? He had to belong with the circus; otherwise he wouldn’t have been playing with the elephants. Maybe he was used to seeing people who looked different. But why did he wave?

“Never mind about him,” Glory said. “Their kind don’t get involved with the likes of us.”

“Their kind?” Lilly said.

“Big-top performers. They don’t get tangled up with sideshow acts.”

Lilly frowned. “Tangled up?”

Glory smiled and waved a hand in the air. “Never mind. I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

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