“It’ll push you a little. Like a tank top or Pirates and Paintball. But not bad.”
Worry dug a ditch in my chest. That sounded like a From a friend who cares statement.
Rather than spend the whole day wondering, I found a question to ask that wouldn’t give anything away. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Big, does it?”
“Nope, why?” he said quickly.
Maybe too quickly.
“No reason.”
“I didn’t mean to get you all worked up. You want me to just tell you now?” he asked.
“No.” If it wasn’t about Big, I wanted something to anticipate. And if it was about Big, I wanted to keep the fantasy of us a little longer. “Keep your secret, Max McCall.”
“I plan to,” he said with a wink.
For the rest of the morning, he gave away nothing but a few dozen smiles.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Some Emails to Max in El Salvador From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Date: March 14
Subject: my list
What do I want?
I want . . . so many things.
I’d like to drive a car again.
I’d like to live one day without thinking about my scars.
I’d like to walk the graduation line.
Maybe kiss someone without flinching.
See the Fountain of Youth.
Fletcher had me make an actual list. He asked me to pick a number. I picked seven, because I always pick seven. Then, he told me to write down seven things I wanted. Seven things I thought were impossible. It wasn’t hard. I could have listed a dozen, maybe more.
The funny thing is . . . if I’d made a list before the wreck, none of these things would have been on there. In fact, my list would have had things like: Learn Spanish.
Go skydiving.
Visit the Great Wall of China.
I had all these pie-in-the-sky dreams, and now I have reality. I guess that’s life for you.
What would be on your list?
Love,
Sadie
From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Date: March 20
Subject: your list
Max,
That’s a good list.
Here are my thoughts: 1. If you ever do get that tattoo, I want to go with you.
2. I’ve done that. Two tips: make sure you enter the water completely straight, and follow the bubbles to the top.
3. Ha, ha.
4. I think LOTR was filmed in New Zealand. That’s the closest Shire there is.
5.–6. Star Time can be anywhere.
7. Gross. You’re such a boy sometimes.
Love,
Sadie
P.S. I saw Gray sitting on the curb across the street from my house this morning. That sounds creepy, but it wasn’t. It looked like he was crying, which made me tear up too. Seeing him so vulnerable made me realize I don’t have feelings for him anymore. And I think that has more to do with you than it does to do with him.
From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Date: March 28
Subject: No hiding
Max,
I haven’t been trying to make you read between the lines. You know I have feelings for you.
Love,
Sadie
From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Date: April 2
Subject: ?
Max,
You make me happy too.
Love,
Sadie
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Max busied himself with Jet Ski maintenance.
I busied myself watching him.
The machines were cradled in two floating slips. In a few hours, the four of us would ride to the little island and register for the game. The parents didn’t play anymore. Mom had taken exactly one paintball hit four years ago and declared she was no longer in her paintball years. The dads begrudgingly agreed to let the kids shoot paint; a concept they came to appreciate, as it allowed for beer and adult conversation. When the air horn blew, they’d idle out to the bay, drop anchor, and listen to the game from a distance.
It was just as well. I’d been the one who fired that ill-taken shot on Tara Kingston. I never ’fessed up to that one either.