*
Dita sighs as she clutches the books. She realizes with sadness that it was on that day, not the day of her first period, that she left her childhood behind. That was the day she stopped being afraid of skeletons and old stories about phantom hands, and started being afraid of men.
2.
The SS began their inspection of the hut with scarcely a glance at the prisoners, focusing their attention on the walls, the floor, and the surroundings. The Germans are systematic like that: first the container, then its contents. Dr. Mengele turns around to speak with Fredy Hirsch, who has remained standing almost at attention all this time. Dita wonders what they’re talking about. Few Jews could hold a conversation with Mengele, or Dr. Death as he is called, with such assurance. Some say that Hirsch is a man without fear. Others believe the Germans warm to him because he is German. Some even suggest his impeccable appearance hides something unsavory.
The Priest, who is in charge of the inspection, makes a gesture Dita can’t interpret. If the guards order them to stand to attention, how will she hold the books without them falling out?
The first lesson any veteran inmate teaches a recent arrival is that you must always be clear about your goal: survival. To survive a few more hours and, in this way, gain another day that, added to other days, might become one more week. You must continue like this, never making big plans, never having big goals, only surviving each moment. To live is a verb that makes sense only in the present tense.
It’s her last chance to leave the books; there’s an empty stool just a meter away. When they stand up to form lines and the guards find the books there, they won’t be able to accuse her; all of them and none of them will be guilty. And they won’t be able to take all of them to the gas chambers. Though, without a doubt, they’ll shut down Block 31. Dita wonders if it would really matter. She’s heard how some of the teachers initially questioned the school: Why make the children study when there’s little chance they’ll leave Auschwitz alive? Does it make any sense to talk to them about polar bears or drill them on multiplication tables, in the shadow of chimneys belching out the black smoke of burning bodies? But Hirsch convinced them. He told them that Block 31 would be an oasis for the children.
Oasis or mirage? Some of them still wonder.
The most logical thing would be to get rid of the books, to fight for her life. But Dita hesitates.
The sergeant stands to attention in front of his superior. When he hears the order, he shouts out,
“On your feet! Attention!”
And then the commotion really begins as people start to stand up. It’s the moment of confusion Dita needs. As she relaxes her arms, the books inside her smock slip down to her lap. But then she grips them against her body again. With each second she holds on to them, her life is more at risk.
The SS order silence; no one is to move from their spot. Disorder irritates the Germans. When they first set in motion the Final Solution, the bloody executions gave rise to refusals among many of the SS officers. They found it difficult to deal with the mayhem of dead bodies mixed in with those who were still dying; with the arduous task of having to kill again, one by one, those who had already been shot; with the quagmire of blood as they stepped over the fallen bodies; with the hands of the dying coiling around their boots like creeping vines. But this has ceased to be a problem. In Auschwitz, there is no chaos. The killings are routine.
The people in front of Dita have stood up, and the guards can’t see her. She reaches under her smock and grabs hold of the geometry book. As she holds it, she feels the roughness of the pages. She runs a finger over the furrows of the bare spine.
And in that moment, she shuts her eyes and squeezes the books tightly. She acknowledges what she has known right from the start: She’s not going to abandon them. She is the librarian of Block 31. She asked Fredy Hirsch to trust her, almost demanded it. And he did. She won’t let him down.
Finally, Dita stands up carefully. She holds one arm across her chest, pressing the books to her body. A group of girls obscure her, but she is tall and her posture is suspicious.
Before beginning the inspection, the sergeant had given an order and two SS guards disappeared inside Hirsch’s cubicle, where the rest of the books are hidden. Though the hiding place is secure—the books fit in a dugout beneath a wooden floorboard so perfectly as to be undetectable—Dita knows that Hirsch is now in great danger. If they find the books, nothing can save him.
*
Mengele has moved away, but Hirsch continues to stand stock-still as the Germans root around his cubicle. Two SS guards wait outside, relaxed, their heads tilted back. Hirsch remains upright. The more they relax their posture, the more erect he’ll be. He’ll take any opportunity, no matter how small, to demonstrate the strength of the Jews. They are a stronger people, and that is why the Nazis fear them, why they must exterminate them. The Nazis are winning only because the Jews don’t have an army of their own, but Hirsch is convinced the Jews will never make this mistake again.
The two SS men come out of the cubicle; the Priest holds a few papers in his hand. It seems that this is the only suspicious thing they’ve found. Mengele gives the papers a cursory look and disdainfully hands them to the sergeant, almost allowing them to fall. They are the reports on the operation of Block 31 that Hirsch writes for the camp high command.
The Priest tucks his hands back into the worn sleeves of his greatcoat. He issues his orders in a low voice, and the guards spring into action. They advance toward the inmates, kicking aside any stools in their path. Fear erupts among the children and the newly arrived teachers, who give way to sobs and cries of anguish. The veterans are less concerned. Hirsch does not move. In a corner, Mengele stands removed, observing.
When the pack reaches the first bunch of prisoners, it slows, and the guards begin their search. They inspect the prisoners, frisking some, moving their own heads up and down in their search for who knows what. The prisoners pretend to look straight ahead, but they cast sidelong glances at the inmates next to them.
The guards order one of the female teachers to step out of the line. She’s a tall woman who teaches crafts. In her class, children create small miracles out of old string, wood splinters, broken spoons, and discarded cloth. She doesn’t understand what the soldiers are saying; they shout at her and shake her, before returning her to the group. There’s probably no reason for it. Shouting and shaking are also part of the routine.