“She’s great. I went by your house, took care of your mom, talked to Jess for a bit, and made Noodle breakfast, took her to school. Oh, and I brought you a change of clothes,” she says as she places the bag in my hands. “I heard what happened at the field,” she says to Sheriff. “It’s so awful. Poor Ben. Poor you.” She hugs me.
Sheriff clears his throat, but Ali still doesn’t let go.
“When you’re ready to talk,” he says as he heads for the door, “well, you know where to find me.”
41
I TAKE my time in the shower, getting dressed. Classic stalling move and for once it seems to work. The only person waiting for me is Ali.
“You look nice,” she says as she inspects my collar and then loops her arm around mine. These are the clothes she picked out—a pair of khakis, a plaid button-down with a white T-shirt underneath, and some tennis shoes. It’s strange thinking about Ali being in my house this morning. Can’t imagine what she must be thinking with Jess barricaded in her room like that, and my mom with the flies, but that’s the least of my worries right now. Jimmy’s gone, Ben’s gone, and all I can think is, who’s next?
We walk outside and I can’t believe how dark it is. It’s not even noon, but the sun’s being blocked by a slab of wet cement-colored clouds. The air is stagnant, too, like everyone’s holding their breath. Or maybe it’s just me.
“Can you take me to my truck?” I ask.
“Sure.” Ali nods toward her mom’s Cadillac. “Come on.”
“Man,” I say as I settle in the front seat. “I haven’t ridden in this car in so long.”
“Remember how we used to sit in the back and blow spit wads at everyone?” she says as she eases out of the lot.
“Yeah.” I smile at the memory. “Your mom would get so mad at us.”
And for a split second, I forget about everything. It’s just me and Ali and nothing but open road. But as we approach the school, everything starts to narrow. I can feel reality crushing back down on me.
“Looks like the lot’s still taped off,” Ali says as she slows down. “But Sheriff’s here. Do you want to see if they’ll let you take your truck—”
“No,” I blurt a little too forcefully. “I mean … no. It’s fine. I can wait.”
She pulls over on the side of the road, directly across from the school.
“At least they had the decency to cancel class for the day, put the flag at half-mast. It’s more than Jimmy ever got. And look at all the flowers and teddy bears lined up against the fence. It’s so sad,” Ali says.
I try to keep my eyes off the field, the goalpost, but I can’t help myself.
“I was in the booth when it happened.” I nod at the field. “I was fifty feet away from him. I could’ve stopped him.”
“You can’t stop someone from killing themselves,” Ali says matter-of-factly. “Remember my Uncle Ricky? Sure, my mom stopped him a few times, but eventually he got his way.”
“But what if there’s more to it than that? What if Sheriff’s right? What if I’m the one who made him do it? Jimmy, too. Is it possible that I could be doing all this and not even know it?”
“No way.” She gives me a lopsided smile. “He’s just trying to rattle you. I know you, Clay. You couldn’t hurt a fly.”
“We all know that’s not true.” I lean my head against the cool glass, staring at the field.
“If you’re talking about what happened at homecoming last year, that doesn’t count. Football is a violent sport. Everyone knows that. You’re supposed to tackle each other … that’s the whole point.”
“Not like that.” I run my fingers over my knuckles. “I was out of line. Excessive force.”
“Which is perfectly understandable. Your dad just died,” she says as she turns toward me. “Look, I want to smash my pom-poms into Julie Harron’s face almost every day at practice.”
I crack a smile. “But you don’t.”
“And neither do you, Clay. People make mistakes. When I look at you, I see the same boy who used to make his dad stop the car so he could help a frog cross the road. And you put up with Dale, which basically makes you a saint. If you don’t trust yourself, trust me. I’ve known you your whole life and you’re gentle and good.”
“That’s what Noodle says, too.”
“Well, then it’s true. Noodle’s the wisest person I know. And for the record, she told me she thinks we should get married.”
“Oh God. I’m sorry.” I feel my cheeks go up in flames.
“Mostly for my pancake-making skills, but I can live with that.”
The maintenance guys step on the field, their arms piled high with fresh sod. I don’t know why it surprises me. They’re going to cut out the sections soaked in Ben’s blood and replace it … just like that. Like it never even happened.
“What is it, Clay?” Ali reaches out for my hand. There’s nothing I want more than to feel the warmth of her touch, but I pull away, clenching my hand into a fist.
“There’s something happening here in Midland. Something I can’t explain.”
“I feel it, too.” She leans back in her seat, curling up her legs. “Like Jimmy and how he acted at the Harvest Festival.”
“And Ben, the way he turned on me at practice.”
“Then there’s Tyler.” Ali twists the small gold signet ring on her finger. “He’s been acting really strange.”