“Pay?” Red said, as if it were a word from another language.
“She didn’t—I did,” Bree said. “She would have gotten arrested for shoplifting if I hadn’t had my emergency credit card on me. It’s maxed out, so the next emergency is on someone else.”
“Don’t worry, I got gifts for all of you,” Red announced. “Conner, I got you this shirt that says ‘I Do My Own Stunts’—classy, right? Jack, I got you this ‘World’s Greatest Grandfather’ hat—sorry, they were out of ‘father.’ I got this adorable stuffed frog in a suit for Hero so he’ll always know what his uncle Charlie looks like. And Goldilocks, I got you this convenient little contraption called a BabyBj?rn—why carry your child when you can wear him?”
“Thanks, Red! That’s so kind of you! Your thoughtfulness always surprises me!”
For whatever reason, Goldilocks was speaking much faster than she usually did, and her left eye started to twitch.
“Good heavens, Goldie. What happened to you?” Red asked.
“It’s called caffeine!” Goldilocks said. “I had a latte! A vanilla latte, to be exact! It’s a brilliant beverage! I was so tired a few moments ago, but now I feel invincible! I could fight a whole army with my bare hands! Actually, I’m going to get some more!”
Jack gently placed a hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Sweetheart, maybe take it easy on the caffeine. People are starting to stare.”
“Attention, all passengers on Flight 219 to John F. Kennedy International Airport, it is now time to board the aircraft,” said a voice over the intercom. “Please line up with your boarding passes readily available.”
Conner, his friends, and all the other passengers formed a line at the gate. They had their tickets scanned, then proceeded down the long Jetway and boarded the plane. Their flight was filled with businesspeople, families on vacation, and a troop of Boy Scouts.
“Follow me and I’ll show you to our seats,” Conner instructed. “We’re in the back because we booked our tickets so late. Bree and I are in seats 38A and 38B, Jack and Goldilocks are behind us in seats 39A and 39B, and Red is in 40A—wait, where’s Red?”
Conner searched the cabin, but Red was nowhere to be found. The corner of her new purse caught his eye, and he saw that she’d seated herself in the first-class cabin. He tried waving to get her attention, but Red was already enjoying a moist towel and reading her copy of Glamorous Magazine.
“Ma’am, is this your seat?” a flight attendant asked her.
“No, but it’ll do just fine,” Red said, and went back to her magazine.
The flight attendant pulled the boarding pass out of Red’s hand and read her seat number.
“I’m sorry, this cabin is reserved for first class only. You need to sit in your assigned seat.”
“Assigned?” Red asked like she had never heard the word before. “Which seat is that?”
The flight attendant pointed to the back of the plane where Red’s friends were.
“I’m supposed to sit back there?” Red said in disbelief. “I thought those were for elves! No human being can feasibly fit in such a small space!”
“Welcome to commercial travel,” the flight attendant said. “Now, either move to your seat or I’ll have you escorted off the plane.”
Red gave the flight attendant an impressively dirty look. As the young queen walked through the economy cabin, she held her nose like she was walking through a field of manure. She squeezed into seat 40A behind Jack and Goldilocks. Luckily, no one was sitting in 40B beside her, because her dress took up both seats.
As the last passengers boarded the aircraft, the constant slamming of the overhead bins started to hurt Hero’s ears. The infant began to cry, and everyone in the cabin glared in Jack and Goldilocks’s direction.
“Everyone is looking at us like we’ve personally offended them,” Jack remarked.
“It’s because you brought a baby on a plane,” Bree said. “They’re worried he’s going to cry the whole way to New York.”
Goldilocks was not going to put up with this. She passed Hero to Jack and stood in the aisle where all the passengers could see her.
“Now, wait just one Hickory Dickory second,” she called out. “I don’t care if you have to listen to my baby cry! Eight days ago I experienced the worst pain humanly possible by pushing him out of my body! It’s something all mothers must endure for the survival of our species! It’s natural, it’s brave, it’s beautiful, and I will NOT be disrespected for it! Now, I suggest you all wipe those foul looks off your faces or YOU’LL be the ones crying all the way to New York!”
“I’d listen to my wife if I were you,” Jack added. “She’s on caffeine.”
All the passengers quickly diverted their gazes elsewhere. Bree tried to start a round of applause for Goldilocks, but no one joined her.
Once his friends had stopped causing problems and settled into their seats, Conner was able to take his first deep breath of the day. He looked around the plane and saw a Boy Scout sitting across the aisle. He was cute and chubby and obviously took the Boy Scouts very seriously, because his whole uniform was covered in pins and badges. The boy eagerly stared down at a map of New York City and was so giddy, he could barely sit still.
“Hi!” the Scout said when he noticed Conner. “My name’s Oliver. What’s yours?”
“I’m Conner. Are you excited about New York?”
“I’ve never been so excited in my whole life!” Oliver exclaimed. “This is actually my first time on a plane! New experiences don’t make me nervous, though. This badge is for bravery.”
“Are you doing anything special in New York?” Conner asked.
“I’m going for the big Boy and Girl Scouts of America Camp-Out!” Oliver said happily. “This year they’re having it tonight in Central Park! Normally the city doesn’t allow campers in the park, but they’re making an exception for us. My family doesn’t have much money, so I had to sell a thousand pounds of popcorn to pay for the trip. I sold more than any other Scout in the Western Region! That’s what this badge is for.”
“Congratulations,” Conner said. “That’s a lot of popcorn.”
“How about you? What are you going to New York for?”
“Um… visiting family. At least, I hope. It’s kind of a surprise trip.”
“Neat,” Oliver said. “Well, it’s been nice talking to you, but I’d better get back to my map. I’m trying to memorize it before we land. I’m really good at navigation, that’s what this badge is for.”
“Good luck,” Conner said. “Have fun camping.”
The Boy Scout smiled so hard, dimples appeared in his cheeks. He looked back down and became lost in his map of New York City again. Oliver’s excitement reminded Conner of Alex on their first trip to the fairy-tale world. He remembered how she’d hogged their map of the kingdoms and how they’d fought over directions. The memory made Conner smile for the first time all week, but it was odd to think of a time when the Land of Stories didn’t feel like home.