“I could have at least tried harder.”
“And I think we still would have ended up here.” Regina bit her lip. “Bridget?”
“Yes?”
“Have you ever loved like Father has?”
“What do you mean, darling?”
“Well, after Mother died,” Regina explained. “That’s when the gambling started. Or when it got really bad. I can hardly imagine it. I mean they talk about it in my books. But can you really love someone so much that losing them makes you lose your senses?”
“When it’s hard for us to accept a bad truth, we delve into distractions,” Bridget said. “And when we lose someone, it is beyond our control. So we try to find things that we can control. Father couldn’t control the loss of Mother. So instead he tried to control the cards.
“It’s not a bad thing to love someone that much. But I think it’s a bad thing to let that love take away your spine. Love shouldn’t strip away who you are. It should make you more of who you are. It should embolden you.”
Bridget paused, as if running her words back over through her head. “Does any of that make sense?”
“A little.”
“And to answer your question, yes. I loved like that once. Or I thought I did.”
Regina straightened in her sister’s lap. Bridget had never told her of this before. “What happened?”
“We could not marry.”
“Why not?”
Regina racked her brain but could not recall a time when Bridget had favored anyone. If her sister had loved, she had done it in utmost secrecy.
Bridget shook her head. “When did you become so curious?”
It was because she wanted to test the waters of Bridget’s heart. She wanted to see how easy or difficult it would be to turn her affections toward Lord Harrison. But she couldn’t tell Bridget that.
Instead she said, “With all this talk of you all getting married, it made me curious. I know that things have become such that you cannot even marry for affection. Never mind marrying for love. But I do want to know.”
Bridget laughed lightly. “I think you have been reading too many of your Gothic stories. But you will deal with marriage soon enough. I suppose it’s only fair that you know a bit.”
She thought for a moment. Her gaze was far off. Regina waited patiently.
After a moment or two, Bridget spoke.
“There were three things standing in our way. Three very sensible things. The first was that we were young. Quite young. Young enough that marriage at such an age was not prudent. It was considered that we did not know our own minds. And I suppose that may be true.
“The second was that Mother died. And I had a very young, very sweet little sister to raise. Father was beside himself as well. Someone had to look after the household.
“The third was that the family did not approve of me. My suitor was sent away to live with an uncle for a time. Pains were taken so that our paths should never cross again.
“And that is all there is to say about it, really. We were young, the family did not approve, and fate was against us.”
Regina wondered how her sister could speak so plainly about something as deep as love. “I am sorry.”
“What for?” Bridget looked at her, startled. “None of it is your fault.”
“But if you hadn’t had to take care of me—”
“Nothing would have changed the family’s disapproval of me. You had no hand in that. And it was a joy to help raise you. You are my darling sister and I would not take back a second by your side.”
Regina felt tears welling up and she hugged her sister fiercely. She felt terrible about bargaining for her sister’s hand with Lord Harrison. She had used Bridget in that, used her like property. But there was nothing to be done about it now.
“You are the most loving sister that ever lived,” Regina promised her. “Not one of us deserves you.”
Bridget laughed, holding Regina tightly. “Now, now, what brought this on? No tears, darling. I know it all seems very scary right now. But if we hold our heads up high and persevere, this storm will pass. I promise.”
Regina wanted to explain that wasn’t why she was crying, but she couldn’t. Not without giving the entire game away. Instead she just nodded into the crook of Bridget’s neck.
“Have you really never seen that suitor again?” She asked. “After all these years?”
“Never.” Regina could feel Bridget’s shoulders move as she sighed. “But then I might not even recognize them now. So much time has passed. They are probably married by now anyhow.”
“There are other men out there,” Regina said. She pulled back so that Bridget could see her face. “Good men. I know you’ll find one of them to love.”
Something pained flashed across Bridget’s face. It was there and gone in the space of a heartbeat—so fast that Regina couldn’t be sure she had read it right. “That is very sweet of you. I appreciate your faith in me and in the men of this world.”
Regina smiled at the teasing tone in Bridget’s voice. She’d do anything to help raise her sister’s spirits. “I shall try and find you a man in London,” she declared.
Bridget laughed. “If you can, I shall be both surprised and grateful.”
Regina slid off of her lap and stood up. “Shall I write to the Morrisons then and ask them?”
“I shall write them,” Bridget said. “You may add a note of your own. But as you are still young it is best if I ask formally.”
“Thank you!” Regina said. She flung her arms about her sister’s neck and kissed her cheek. She felt giddy and lightheaded. It was almost like she was a child again. “Thank you, thank you!”
She then hurried off. She was in little doubt that the Morrisons would say yes. That meant she had packing to see to.
Chapter 11
The Morrison house in London was enough to make her jaw drop. Regina always forgot how much money the Morrisons had until it was staring her in the face. She had never been to their London residence before. She had expected—perhaps na?vely—that it would be similar to Lord Harrison’s house.
It wasn’t. Lord and Lady Morrison had clearly gone all out in their preparations. The house was done up in rich colors. Each room had its own color: soft pink in the front parlor. Powder blue in the sitting room. Red in the dining room. Yellow in the back parlor.
The house was also twice the size of Lord Harrison’s. Regina got lost on her first day. The housekeeper had to help her get back to her room. She had to admit that the house was beautiful, tasteful, and showed off Lord Morrison’s wealth. There was nothing distasteful about it. And yet, she preferred Lord Harrison’s house.
Lord Harrison’s house had felt like a proper home. There was love in each decorating choice. The Morrison house felt more like it was designed to be shown off.