The Knocked Up Plan

We head to the bar to toast our victory, and while we order, a woman in a slinky red dress at the end of the bar stares at Flynn. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice she grabs her cell phone, looks at my buddy, quickly taps on the screen, then looks at him again. Recognition dawns on her face.

As the bartender delivers our drinks, Slinky Dress makes her way to our end of the bar. “Hi,” she says, cutting in front of me to chat with him. Her voice drips with honey. “I couldn’t help but notice you from the other end of the bar. You have the most gorgeous green eyes.”

I arch a skeptical brow. She noticed his eye color from across the bar? Or perhaps she googled Flynn Parker’s vitals?

Flynn smiles. “Thank you. Your brown eyes are lovely, too.”

He’s such a gentleman, and I’ve got to look out for him.

“I love this place,” the woman says. “It’s so close to where I live. The vibe here is great.”

As she chats up Flynn, I give them some space so I can conduct both research and recon. I google morning sickness treatments while keeping an eye on Slinky Dress. Something is off about her. The woman’s dress looks cheap, as if it’s from a discount mall, judging from the weird stitching down the side. Meanwhile, she’s telling Flynn she works at an advertising agency, planning campaigns for all sorts of high-end consumer products.

Her coat is draped on the empty stool next to her. The corner of a white ticket pokes out of the pocket. Her back is to me as she talks to my buddy. “It’s so thrilling being young and living in Manhattan, isn’t it?” She drops her chin in her hand, surely batting her eyes at Flynn as I find a site that gives me an idea for something—a small thing—that I can do for Nicole.

“The city’s awesome. What part do you live in?” Flynn asks.

“I’m in the Village. I walked here tonight after work.”

That’s when the alarm bells ring. Holding my phone as if I’m simply trying to get a better signal, I lean closer to her coat and peer at the white paper in the pocket. It’s a New Jersey Transit ticket with today’s date on it.

I hit send on the online order, toss some bills on the counter, and clear my throat. “Flynn. We need to get out of here.”

“That’s okay. I’ll hang a bit.”

I tip my forehead to the door and give him a meaningful stare. “You were going to help me move my TV stand.”

“I was?” He blinks, then a second later, it hits him. “Yes, I was.”

Once we’re outside, he says, “What was that about?”

As the cold snaps my face, I pull up my collar. “Just a little live catfishing. That woman was from Jersey. She doesn’t work on Madison Avenue. She watched you from across the bar, looked you up on her phone, figured out who you were, and made her move. I bet she’s a gold digger.”

His jaw drops. “Shit, man. You are good.”

I shrug. “Sometimes the radar works.”

He points at me. “That radar of yours is spot on. Like when you told me to assess a woman’s interest like an algorithm. I tried that strategy on a date recently, and the woman had Trojan horse written all over her, so I moved on.”

“Good. I don’t want anyone taking advantage of you.”

“I appreciate that,” he says as we walk toward Seventh Avenue. He’s quiet for a minute. “You know . . . a buddy of mine is recently divorced. He’s eager to get back out there. Throw his hat in the ring. I should have him talk to you.”

“Always happy to help a brother out.”

“I didn’t mean for help. I meant as business for you, asshole.”



A little later, as I walk Romeo around the block, my phone rings. Nicole’s name flashes on the screen, and it’s as if a light flashes in my chest.

I answer it. “All Day Sickness Solutions, at your service.”

She laughs. “Grape Gatorade is my favorite. How did you know?”

“Took a wild guess.”

“It tastes like heaven. Thank you.”

“Is it helping?”

“If tasting good helps, then yes.”

“I wish there was something I could do for you.” My heart feels like a compass pointing uptown. It aches with the need to go help her.

“Me, too. But seriously. This drink is the bomb.”

“I looked up how to treat morning sickness. I figured you had tried most things, but it couldn’t hurt to send reinforcements.”

“I do feel better now. And I plan to dive into the crackers later. And the ginger ale.”

That’s all I can ask for. “I’m glad to hear that.” I raise my gaze to the sky. “Looks like snow is coming tonight.”

“I love snow in Manhattan when it’s falling. It’s so peaceful,” she says as Romeo sniffs a bush by the stoop of a brick building.

“Me, too. It’s the one thing that transforms New York entirely. It’s like this blanket of white, and the whole city is hushed as it comes down.”

“One of my favorite things is waking up in the middle of the night as the snow falls. You look out the window and New York has become an idyllic snow village where everything is soft and white, before the city wakes up.” She sighs dreamily.

I crane my gaze heavenward. “I think you’ll get that tonight, Nicole.”

“I want it tonight, and if I’m allowed to be greedy, I’d like a white Christmas, too. Preferably, one without any Christmas morning, Christmas day, or Christmas night sickness.”

I laugh lightly. “I’ll ask Santa to bring that to you. Seems you’ve been a good girl this year, and you deserve it.” I turn the corner onto my block. “What are you doing for the holidays?”

“I’ll go to my mom’s. My brother will be in town, so he’ll want to spend most of the holiday making fun of me.”

“Why would he do that?”

“He’s a big brother. It’s in his DNA. Plus, he now gets to make pregnancy jokes nonstop.”

For a moment, I wish she’d invite me to join her. Not because I want to hear pregnancy jokes, but because I want to be the guy who gets to defend her and volley back, maybe even say something a little off-color about how I got her that way. I want her family to know the pregnancy jokes are because of me. Yeah, they know I gave her the DNA and all that jazz, but they don’t know me.

Though, I thought I knew Maggie, but it turned out I didn’t know her at all. I might have met her family, might have made jokes with them, but in the end, none of that saved me from the hurt.

I don’t bother inviting myself over.

“What about you?” she asks.

“I’m going skiing with Devon, Paul, and Simone, and our sister Claire, who’ll be in this neck of the woods for the holidays.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“We try to go every year.”

“Lots of snow bunnies probably,” she says, her tone tight, and I detect a note of jealousy in her voice.

“I doubt there will be any snow bunnies.”

“I think if we were taking bets, I’d win this one.”

I’m about to dispel that notion when she groans. “Are you feeling sick again?”

Ask me over. Ask me to help. I’ll do it.

“No. Ruby is pacing. She has to go out. And it’s late and cold.”

I could offer to walk her dog right now. But she’s sixty blocks away, and the dog only needs to whiz. If I offer to haul ass uptown for a five-minute pee break, that’d sound like I didn’t pay attention to the contract I signed. No commitments.

I don’t make the offer. But I offer the grape Gatorade equivalent. “If I were there, I’d walk her for you.”