The Knocked Up Plan

“You know what I mean. A date that goes somewhere.”

For a second, I linger on the somewhere. I start to imagine I’m on the path to somewhere with Nicole. Somewhere beyond cupcakes and Knicks games. But that’s probably just all the frosting and sugar going to my head.

“Our dates go to your bedroom,” I say with confidence. “This is about as perfect as dating gets.”

“Good.” She gives me a sly smile. “By the way, do you know what shark week means?”

“No sex?” I say, adopting the mopiest look ever.

“Let’s get out of here, and I’ll show you.”



Her hands are the fastest draw in the west when we reach my place. My belt’s undone, my jeans are unzipped, and my briefs are down. My cock salutes her. I’m ready. Just fucking ready, and she knows it. She has no need to kiss me all over or drag her nails down my chest.

I wouldn’t object to either, but I want her wicked mouth on me. Stat. “You toyed with me that first night, Nicole.”

She drops to her knees. “I did. I wanted to know how you tasted.”

“Now you’re going to find out.”

“I. Can’t. Wait.”

She wraps a soft hand around the base of my dick, and I hiss. Her lips part and she flicks her tongue over the head. I groan. She takes me in, sucking on the crown of my cock.

“Jesus Christ,” I mutter as I grab her hair, threading my fingers through those red strands as she kisses the tip. She lets go and runs her tongue along the underside. Shocks of pleasure rocket through me. It’s so fucking good.

She licks all the way down to my balls, then draws one into her mouth and sucks hard. Electricity shoots through me. “That’s so fucking hot.”

Her eyes dance with mischief as she sucks, her hand curling into a tight grip as she shuttles her fist up and down my shaft. My thighs shake as I watch her. No way am I closing my eyes. No way am I doing anything but staring at her lush mouth playing with my dick. When she lets go of my balls, she wastes no time. She doesn’t tease. She doesn’t toy. She opens wide.

I curl my fingers around her skull. “Want to be in all the way.”

Her eyes twinkle as if she’s saying in due time. But due time is now. I’m a horny fucking bastard in general. That’s amplified ten times over with this wildly sexual woman. And God bless her, she doesn’t make me wait. Her warm mouth becomes a tunnel for my dick. I moan my appreciation, and then she does the sexiest thing ever. She lifts her hands and clamps them over mine on her head. She moves our fingers so I’m thrusting deep into her mouth. She drops hers, giving me control, giving me permission to fuck her mouth.

I shudder as my dick hits the back of her throat. Her eyes water and I pull back. “You okay?”

She nods, and her eyes are blazing. They say do it again. I grip her head tighter and pump. She gags a bit, but she grabs my ass, her nails digging into my flesh, urging me on. I give in to all my base desires, and she lets me. She stops to take one quick breath, then she opens wide, offering me full access to her delicious mouth.

My skin sizzles. Sensations speed into overdrive. My body goes haywire. I am nothing but a collection of nerve endings, firing at once, as I fuck her lovely, gorgeous, willing mouth.

“So fucking good,” I grunt as I rock into her.

She answers me with a hard grab of her nails, a scratch on my skin. Her touch torches me all over and obliterates any last hold I have on the here and now. Release is imminent. Pleasure thunders across my body, and I groan loudly as I come. My thighs shake, and I breathe so fucking hard as I pull back, let go, and watch my dick fall from her mouth.

“Wow,” I say, still seeing stars.

She grins and licks her lips, like a cat finishing his dish of cream. “Guess you like blow jobs.”

“I fucking love blow jobs. But I’m in love with your blow jobs. Madly in love.” I offer a hand and tug her up from the floor. Cupping her cheeks, I look into her eyes and murmur, “Thank you.”

She laughs. “You don’t have to thank me for a blow job.”

“I know, but I’m thanking you for trusting me to do it like that. To do it hard.”

“Don’t you know? I trust you completely.”

For a second, I tense when I hear that vicious word. Trust is a farce in my universe. And yet, when I’m with her, I feel it. I trust in what we’re doing, in how we treat each other, in the openness of what we have, and the mutual understanding of what we don’t want to have. “I’m glad you trust me. It’s the same for me.”

She presses a soft kiss to my cheek. “And I want everything to feel good for you.”

“Oh, it felt more than good.”

“Better than frosting?” She arches a brow.

“It felt like the world was ending.”

She runs her hand over my abs, then along my happy trail. “Or maybe a week of blow jobs is beginning,” she says.

That’s how the next several nights go. We tackle a few more dates, including a night at the arcade and an epic game of mini golf. Each night ends with an absolutely spectacular, out-of-this-world blow job.

I hereby rename shark week to my favorite week ever—blow job week.





Twenty





Top Five Tips to Turn Geocaching into One Hell of An Awesome Date



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By Ryder Lockhart



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Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you want to impress the woman you’re seeing. I know, crazy idea, right? But c’mon, men. It’s going to take more than just dinner.



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And look, I’m a fan of dinner. A juicy steak, a glass of whiskey, a great restaurant—that rocks. But any guy can do that. Presumably, you like this woman, so you want to stand out from the crowd.



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Here’s a surefire way: geocaching.



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It’s not just for the kids. If you aren’t familiar with geocaching, it’s basically going on a scavenger hunt around the city, tracking down little caches of buried treasure with a GPS app, and then celebrating when you find them. Simple, right?



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It’s also a fantastic way to get to know someone. My personal recommendation? You’ll need to stock up in advance with a few knick knacks—maybe a snow globe, a matchbox car, a key chain. If you take something from a cache, you need to replace it. Otherwise, you’re a douche. And you don’t want her, me, or the lamppost to think you’re a douche, do ya?



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Here’s what you need to know.





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