Irina tried to free herself from the tentacle-like fingers but failed. Cathy’s gray eyes drilled into hers with such affection and compassion that she could not avoid them. She fell to her knees on the floor, resting her head on Cathy’s rough knees, and allowed herself to be caressed by her stiff fingers. No one had touched her like that since she had left her grandparents behind.
Cathy told her that the most important thing in life was to clean up one’s own mess, commit oneself a hundred percent to reality, place all one’s energy in the present moment, and to do so right now, immediately. Since her accident, she had learned that there was no point waiting. Her condition gave her the time to think things through, to get to know herself better. To just be, to be in the moment, enjoying the light of the sun, people, birds. Pain came and went, nausea came and went, but for some blessed reason or other, they did not overwhelm her for long. By contrast, she was able to enjoy every drop of water during her shower, the sensation of a pair of friendly hands shampooing her hair, a deliciously cold lemonade on a summer’s day. She did not think of the future, but took each day as it came.
“What I’m trying to say, Irina, is that you shouldn’t stay trapped in the past or be frightened of the future. You only have one life, but if you live it well, that’s enough. The only reality is now, today. What are you waiting for to be happy? Every day counts, I can tell you!”
“Happiness is not for everyone, Cathy.”
“Of course it is. We are all born happy. Life gets us dirty along the way, but we can clean it up. Happiness is not exuberant or noisy, like pleasure or joy; it’s silent, tranquil, and gentle; it’s a feeling of satisfaction inside that begins with self-love. You need to love yourself as I do, as all those who know you do, especially Alma’s grandson.”
“Seth doesn’t know me.”
“That’s not his fault. The poor devil has been trying to get close to you for years, anyone can see that. If he hasn’t succeeded, it’s because you hide yourself. So tell me who this man Wilkins is, Irina.”
* * *