“I don’t have any illusions, Alma. I know you love Ichimei.”
“I also love you, Nat. I don’t know how to explain it. There must be a dozen women in your life; I don’t know why you’ve never introduced me to any of them. You once told me that when you fell in love I’d be the first to know. As soon as the baby is born we can get divorced, and you’ll be free.”
“I haven’t renounced any great love for you, Alma, and I think it’s in very bad taste for you to talk about divorce on our wedding night.”
“Don’t laugh, Nat. Tell me the truth: do I attract you in any way? As a woman, I mean.”
“Until now I’ve always regarded you as my younger sister, but that could change when we live together. Would you like that?”
“I don’t know. I’m confused, sad, angry; I have a chaos in my head and a child in my belly. You got a dreadful deal marrying me.”
“That remains to be seen, but I want you to know I’ll be a good father to the child, boy or girl.”
“He or she will have Asian features, Nat. How are we going to explain that?”
“We won’t, and no one will dare ask, Alma. Heads held high and lips sealed is the best way. The only person with the right to ask is Ichimei Fukuda.”
“I’ll never see him again, Nat. Thank you a thousand times for what you’re doing for me. You’re the noblest person in the world, and I’ll try to make you a worthy wife. A few days ago I thought I would die without Ichimei, but now I think that with your help, I’ll survive. I won’t fail you. I’ll always be faithful, I swear.”
“Sshh, Alma. Let’s not make promises we might not be able to keep. We’re going to travel this path together, step by step, day by day, with the best of intentions. That’s all we can promise one another.”
* * *
Isaac Belasco had rejected outright the idea that the newlyweds have their own home. There was more than enough room at Sea Cliff, and the intention behind building such an enormous house had always been that several generations of the family would live under the same roof. Besides, Alma had to look after herself, and would need Lillian and her female cousins’ help and company; he declared that to set up and manage a new house would take far too much effort. As a clinching argument he used emotional blackmail: he wanted to spend what little time he had left with them, and they could then keep Lillian company when she was widowed. Nathaniel and Alma accepted the patriarch’s decision; she continued to sleep in her blue room, where the only change was to replace her bed with two new ones, separated by a night table. Nathaniel put his penthouse up for sale and returned to the family home. In his former bedroom he installed a study, his books and music, and a sofa. Everybody was aware that the couple’s daily routines did not exactly encourage intimacy: Alma got up at noon and went to bed early; he worked like a galley slave, came back home late from the office, shut himself away with his books and classical records, went to bed after midnight, slept very little, and left before she was awake. On the weekend he played tennis, jogged up Mount Tamalpais, went sailing around the bay in his boat, and came back sunburned, sweaty, and relaxed. It was also obvious that he usually slept on the sofa in his study, but this was put down to his wife’s need to rest. Nathaniel was so attentive to Alma, she depended so much on him, and there was so much trust and good humor between them that only Lillian suspected anything was amiss.
“How are things between you and my son?” she asked Alma in the second week after they had returned from their honeymoon, when her daughter-in-law was four months pregnant.
“Why do you ask, Aunt Lillian?”
“Because you two love each other just as you always did; nothing has changed. Marriage without passion is like food without salt.”