“Does Marcus know?”
“He knows that his sister is alive.” Sothe tensed up. “For most of his life, he assumed that Ellie died with his parents. It was one reason he volunteered to be posted to Khandar, as far from Vordan City as he could get.”
Exactly what I was looking for when I escaped, Winter thought numbly. I suppose it runs in the family.
“After the revolution and the fall of the Concordat,” Sothe went on, “Marcus obtained some information from the archives.” She frowned. “I am not entirely certain how he broke the ciphers, but my assumption is that Janus was involved. His knowledge of such techniques is... extensive. In any event, Marcus became aware both that Ellie was alive and that the Concordat agent called the Gray Rose was responsible for the deaths of his parents.”
“And you volunteered to help him find out?” Winter said. “Out of the kindness of your heart?”
“No kindness was involved,” Sothe said. “I was the Gray Rose.”
“You?” Winter stared. “You mean... you...”
“I did not strike the match. But I was responsible. The operation was under my command.” Sothe looked at the floor. “In those days I did not... question my orders.”
Winter found her throat too thick to speak. It’s not every day someone tells you that your parents were murdered and in the next breath confesses to being the murderer.
“When Marcus discovered the truth, I gave him the opportunity to kill me,” Sothe said. “It seemed just.”
“He wouldn’t do it,” Winter managed. “Not Marcus.”
“No. Denied that route, I decided that I would find his missing sister, if she was still alive. When the army went south, I remained in Murnsk, visiting old Concordat safehouses.”
“And killing Duke Orlanko.”
“Indeed. It was not long after I found the records that Janus contacted me through Ennika. That was when I realized that, while I had been seeking the truth for Marcus, I could not in good conscience inform him without telling you first.”
“Thank God for the conscience of assassins,” Winter said.
Sothe flinched slightly. “I admit that mine is, perhaps... rusty. But I am doing my best to come to terms with it.”
“So, now what?” Winter said. “I’m supposed to tell him? ‘Surprise, I’m your sister. Oh, and by the way, I’m a woman.’” Just thinking about it made her stomach turn.
“It’s a possibility.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s insane.”
“Why?”
“Because...” Winter wasn’t quite able to articulate what she meant. “Can you imagine what he’d do?”
“I think I can. What, exactly, are you afraid of?”
“He’s... the head of the army, for one thing. He could...”
“Expel you?” Sothe cocked her head. “Does that seem likely?”
It didn’t. The truth was, Winter had no idea what Marcus would do. She couldn’t picture how he’d take the news, because he seemed so determined to avoid it. He was practically the only one who hadn’t figured out her secret, one way or another, because he didn’t want to see it.
“Saints and fucking martyrs,” Winter said. “I need to think about this.”
“I know,” Sothe said, still infuriatingly calm. “That’s one reason I didn’t allow myself to delay too long. There is some time yet before we reach Vordan City. If you wish, you can tell no one. Or I can tell Marcus the truth myself, although... that might entail some difficulties.”
“Difficulties?”
“When he let me go, he said that if he ever saw me again, he would kill me.”
Winter snorted. “I’ve seen you fight. Don’t tell me you’re afraid of Marcus.”
“Not afraid of him, no. But it’s a confrontation I would prefer to avoid.”
“Of course.” Winter laughed out loud. “Well. I don’t even know if I should thank you.”
“There’s no need to,” Sothe said. “In fact, you have every right to be angry with me.”
“For killing my parents, or for telling me about it?”
“Perhaps both,” Sothe said.
*
As the sun sank into the western sea and the clouds flamed pink and orange, Winter staggered back to her own cabin like a drunk. Not drunk, she thought. It was more like one of the times she’d gotten cracked on the head and felt the world spin around her and refuse to settle.
Brother. What does that even mean? Marcus was a comrade, maybe even a friend, though she’d never been as close to him as to Jane or Cyte. Bad examples. But how am I supposed to think of him now? As family? She had very little idea what that meant. The closest thing she’d had to family was Jane. And we know how that ended.
Alex was asleep in her bunk, naked under a knit blanket, her handsome sailor nowhere to be found. Winter climbed up to her own bunk and lay down fully clothed, trying to make sense of the mess churning behind her eyes.
Maybe it would be best not to tell him. It felt like taking the easy way out. But if I’m going to face the Beast, and probably going to die, would it really be fair to him? To give him his sister back and then snatch her away again? On the other hand, Marcus knew Ellie was alive, so if she didn’t tell him the truth he’d keep thinking she was out there somewhere, maybe keep searching. Sothe can tell him, after I’m gone. Then it won’t matter anymore. But that would be just as cruel as the other way around.
She must have fallen asleep, because she dreamed of fire. Marcus was there this time, not the child he must have been but as she knew him now. She ran from room to room in a burning house, feeling her skin blacken and char, calling his name. He called back, sounding close but somehow always out of reach.
When she woke, dawn was breaking, and her clothes were damp and chilly with sweat. Strangely, though, she felt better, empty but purified. She rolled out of bed and dropped lightly to the floor, finding Alex already up and sitting cross-?legged in her bunk, eating a dried roll with a piece of cheese. She had another, which she offered to Winter. Winter accepted gratefully, her stomach reminding her that she’d missed dinner yesterday.
“Thanks.”
“Mmm,” Alex said, then swallowed. “You must have been exhausted. I tried to wake you at shift change.”
“I was,” Winter said. “Just... a lot on my mind, I think.”
“Well, if you’re looking for a little stress relief, I definitely recommend passing the time of day with seaman Goltov.” Alex grinned and stretched like a cat, then paused. “Though I suppose you wouldn’t see the appeal, would you?”
“He certainly seemed... attentive,” Winter managed.
“He is that,” Alex said. “Doesn’t talk much, but definitely attentive.”
“Can I ask your opinion on something?” Winter said.
“Of course.”
“When we get to Vordan...” Winter hesitated. She wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about Marcus, but... “You know that I spent my time in the army disguised as a man.”
“Pretty effectively, too,” Alex said, then paused again. “Um. That was supposed to be a compliment.”
Winter waved it away. “I haven’t bothered since we left to find Janus, since everyone already knew. When we get back... I’m not sure if I should keep pretending.”